Cranky Eric© sez ... Hey, people who make movies: Stop putting scenes after the closing credits. If you want me to watch it, put it IN THE MOVIE, not after it.

It has been well established that when a list of names starts scrolling up against a black screen, the movie is OVER. You're done. Whatever story you had to tell, you told it. That's the way movies work.

You want to put something cute after the credits, fine. Knock yourself out. A lot of times that stuff is fun. But it doesn't count as an actual part of the story. If it's something we need to know, tell us. Don't hide it after the list of gaffers and production assistants and humane society certifications.

Oh, what, at the end of the last Pirates of the Caribbean -- after the 37 minutes of credits have rolled -- it turns out Elizabeth has a son and is standing around waiting for her once-in-a-decade evening of romance with Will? No she doesn't, and no she isn't. Because the movie ended 37 minutes earlier, when the closing credits started. Whatever happens after that is just you horsin' around. Doesn't count. It's not canon.

After making virtual lunchmeat out of Joel Siegel and his crybaby ways, Clerks 2 director Kevin Smith now has a new target firmly in his sights. Namely, the L.A. Weekly's Nikki Finke. As Erik reported this morning, Ms. Finke takes extreme umbrage with the fact that WeinsteinCo. sponsored a Clerks 2 promotion that resulted in 10,000 Smith fans getting their names attached to the flick's end credits. As is his normal M.O., Mr. Smith fired back on his own blog -- and the guy's seriously unhappy about Ms. Finke's comments.

What both sides fail to mention is that this is hardly a new trend. Peter Jackson used a similar approach a few years back, and you can see thousands of fans' names listed on the Fellowship of the Ring extended edition DVD. Right?

Nikki Finke calls it "a huge dis to anyone who's ever earned a legitimate credit on a film." Kevin Smith calls it a non-issue that nobody in the biz has complained about before now. Obviously it's just a difference of opinion, but Smith does nail Finke on one erroneous statement: She refers to Clerks 2 as a "failure," but the flick will certainly be well within the realm of profitability before the DVD hits the shelves.

And with all due respect to a fine writer, Ms. Finke might want to rent Airplane! and scan through those end credits to see how "sacred" the credit scrolls actually are.