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My good friend Erik Childress runs a year-round column called Criticwatch, and it's there that he hopes to let you know (based only on their own words) which film critics are worthy of your trust ... and which film critics are blatant "quote whores" who do nothing besides blindly shill for the studios' latest offerings, regardless of how unquestionably wretched the movies may be.

The generally-accepted "King of the Hos" is "Wireless Magazine's" mega-mysterious Earl Dittman, but Earl's taken a bit of a holiday over the past few years, which gave Maxim's Pete Hammond the chance to snatch the crown for himself. And snatch he did. Now don't get me wrong; this is not a case of one film critic knocking another film critic for his 'unworthy' taste in cinema, but really: To anyone who pays attention to this sort of thing, Pete Hammond is either A) clearly in Hollywood's pocket, or B) obsessed with seeing his name in newspaper ads. Probably both.

But no more! In a welcome display of good judgment, the powers-that-be over at Maxim have shown Mr. Hammond the door. (According to Radar Online, that is, and I've no reason to doubt the report.) And to those who think I'm being unnecessarily nasty about this situation, just imagine how much money you'd be wasting if you listened to faulty advice like this:

"The most electrifying thriller of the year!" (Hannibal Rising -- Rotten Tomatoes Grade: 15%)
"A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish." (Premonition -- 8%)
"Hysterically funny!" (Wild Hogs -- 15%)
"Heart-pounding action!" (National Treasure: Book of Secrets -- 33%)
"A must-see movie." (The Number 23 -- 8%)
"Gripping and fascinating." (September Dawn -- 14%)
"A great time at the movies for everyone!" (Evan Almighty -- 24%)
"Ben Stiller's funniest film." (The Heartbreak Kid -- 29%)

Sheesh. For a whole lot more from Mr. Hammond (and the rest of the shills), check out Erik's perpetually ongoing coverage over at EFC's Criticwatch. Here's hoping Maxim hires an honest film critic this time around. Trailer blurbs and poster quotes are nice and all ... but so is professionalism, honesty and trust. And don't feel too bad for Pete Hammond. With his gift for blindly ebullient over-praise, he's got a great future as a publicist.

He had me at "I don't know how that's better than my f**king dog story." Not long ago, we pointed you toward a hilarious Knocked Up promo that was shot while production on the film was still taking place. In it, they wanted you to believe that Michael Cera was originally tapped to play the Seth Rogan role, but was fired after he and director Judd Apatow got in a disagreement over the proper way to recite lines. At the time, it was obviously a clever promotional video (Cera didn't really get fired) and it also showed how much fun a marketing campaign can be when you have a bunch of creative geeks in control. Well guess what -- there's more from where that came from. In a similar-themed video, now up over at the Funny or Die website, this time it's James Franco who gets axed from the lead role.

For those that saw Knocked Up (and if you haven't yet, then there's something seriously wrong with you), you'll remember that Franco shows up for a cameo while Katherine Heigl is on set shooting a segment for the E! channel. In this new clip, Franco attempts to add his own improv, but is cut short when Apatow wants to know what the hell he's doing. From there, the thing just goes bonkers -- Franco's ego explodes, he goes off on a Freaks and Geeks tangent (Franco, along with Rogen, Apatow and a few others, began his career on that show) and refuses to call Kristen Wiig (who's also in the scene) by her correct name. Not only is this clip slightly funnier than the previous Cera/Apatow video, but it also has me wondering how many more of these were shot and if they'll all show up on the DVD. God I hope so -- I can watch these guys crack jokes all day long. I've included the video after the jump. Oh, and Knocked Up is still in theaters -- go see it!

Drug abuse is a terrible thing, kids. It land you in jail, ruin your reputation and turn you from a busy character actor into an uninsurable pariah. Case in point: Crazy Tom Sizemore just got fired from pre-production on a flick called The I Scream Man -- and if you can't hold on to a job in a movie with that sort of title, then you're definitely living life a little too hard. I know his drug problems are entirely of his own creation, but I really do feel for the guy. He went from working with Michael Mann, Oliver Stone and Steven Spielberg -- to a public dismissal on The I Scream Man. Ouch.

According to STYD.com, Mr. Sizemore was fired from the upcoming horror flick and replaced by sometimes co-worker Michael Madsen. The reason for his dismissal? Another visit from the "drugs and jail time" fairy. It might sound like I'm cruelly mocking the guy, but the truth is I feel really rotten for Mr. Sizemore. Here's hoping he can right the ship, toss that monkey off his back and mount a small comeback of sorts. In the meantime, J.T. Mollner's The I Scream Man will go into production this summer with Madsen, Dee Wallace, Haylie Duff, Fred Ward, Judd Nelson and the entertainingly bizarre Crispin Glover as ... The Ice Cream Man. (Yes, it's a horror movie.)