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If Tobe Hooper's Steven Spielberg's Poltergeist opened today, it would almost definitely earn a PG-13 rating. Earlier this year we were treated to a very entertainingly creepy monster movie called Cloverfield -- which was also rated PG-13. So we know it CAN be done. Despite what the horror fans have been conditioned to believe recently, it IS possible to make an effective horror movie that's not rated R.

But it sure as hell won't happen this week, as the latest no-effort PG-13 remake to lurch off of the assembly line is called Prom Night, and it's easily one of the flimsiest movies I've ever seen. The entire film absolutely reeks of corporatized product, and nobody involved in the flick (from director Nelson McCormick and screenwriter J.S. Cardone to just about every bored actor onscreen) seems even remotely interested in making, y'know, a half-decent movie. No, Prom Night exists for one reason only: To snatch some of that babysitting money from the 15-year-old girls of the planet. (I should know. I sat behind nine of 'em as Prom Night unspooled, and not one of 'em was paying as much attention to the screen as they were their cell phones.)