gary coleman Tagged Articles at Cinematical

If you combine Jackass and Borat and remove all semblance of discipline or organization, you get something like Midgets vs Mascots, an occasionally very funny but often very sloppy mockumentary that is far too eager to show us how taboo it is.

The premise is that a Texas millionaire named Big Red (Richard Howland) has just died, and his will has unusual stipulations on how his fortune should be dispersed. Big Red was a little person and had great fondness for that group. He had also done work as a mascot early in his career, and always loved mascots. But as adult-film legend Ron Jeremy says, "Big Red knew there was no money in mascotting, so he did what any midget would do: porn." Yes, Big Red made his money producing skin flicks, many of which involved actors of his height.

Anyway, Big Red wants a team of five mascots to compete with a team of five midgets in a series of ridiculous games and stunts, with the winning squad getting $5 million. (Big Red's porn career is irrelevant, except that it gives the movie an excuse to show boobies.) He wants the team of little people to be coached by his average-height son, Little Richard (Mark Hapka), who hates midgets, and the mascots to be coached by his gold-digging third wife, Bonnie (Brittney Powell).

Auditions are held to find the competitors. The mascots chosen are a guy in an alligator suit, a Spartan, a cowboy sheriff, a bunny rabbit, and a taco (the kind that hands out fliers for a cheap Mexican restaurant). They generally do not take off their costumes, even when they're not competing. The midgets -- I'm using the word the movie uses most frequently -- are a kleptomaniac, a flamboyant gay guy, a swingin' bisexual man, an ordinary blonde woman, and Gary Coleman. Yes, Gary Coleman, as himself, or at least a version of himself.

Don't worry, this story isn't about a former television star battling food issues. Gary Coleman, still best known for TV's Diff'rent Strokes, but beloved by some of us for his immortal film work (On the Right Track, Jimmy the Kid), was spotted in downtown Dallas this week fighting a taco.

Dallas Morning News reporters on their lunch break stumbled onto the odd scene. "We noticed a couple of people engaged in a struggle for money, and not far from them, a short black guy tumbled around on the ground with a person in a taco costume," Tawnell Hobbs said. "When the little guy emerged from the brawl, I was shocked to see that it was Gary Coleman ... I whispered to my colleagues that they were likely making a commercial -- but another guy next to me whispered that it was a movie and not to laugh." Please, please, somebody tell me you have this on video!

The movie in question is a mockumentary entitled A Tribute to Big Red. A DMN reader found a casting call for extras that included a synopsis: "This is the hilarious story and behind-the-scenes look of an epic competition with surprising twists and turns, as well as personal trials, tribulations, and triumphs of those involved." I've searched but not found anything else on the movie, but now I can't wait to see it!

Sort of. In an entertaining interview over at The Guardian, flavor of the month Jason Bateman opens up somewhat about his many years in the Hollywood wilderness, and comes across as genuinely shaken by how randomly an actor like himself can go from unemployable to a hot property in the blink of an eye, for no good reason. Specifically, Bateman talks about the randomness of choosing the Arrested Development series, his big comeback vehicle. "I would have done a show half as good as Arrested Development," he says. "Things were few and far between. I didn't give a shit at the time. I just got really lucky." He says that around the same time Arrested Development was offered, he also got an offer to appear on another show that would have tanked, and his big rebirth would never have happened. "The more obvious choice was the other series," he says. "It had a big star, it paid better, it probably had guaranteed air time. It could have buried me."

Continuing with his 'it's all a coin toss' analogy, he posits the following hilarious scenario: "Let's say, God forbid, Gary Coleman got kidnapped tomorrow. That would lead the national news. Then he would get released, maybe in a month, but now he is revitalised, currently relevant, and a great piece of casting for a new project. If he does that project and he's halfway decent in it, he's got another career. It's an awful way to make a living if your success is predicated on some arbitrary moment of exposure." Am I the only who thinks that there's at least a 50-50 chance that Coleman will read this article and then hire someone to kidnap him?

I'm sorry, but Uwe Boll is my hero. That's right, I said it! Sure, the guy makes crappy movies, challenges film critics to an after-school boxing match and has absolutely no business polluting our movie theaters with his ego-maniacal filth -- but ya gotta love him. He's a top notch moron ... and loves every minute of it.

In his latest quest to turn every bad video game into a feature-length movie, Boll will write, produce and direct the film Postal, based off a game that revolves around a character called "The Postal Dude" who runs around town attempting to kill and destroy anything that stands in his way. Um, did someone say, "Wicked awesome!"? According to Skewed & Reviewed, Boll approached Sacha Baron Cohen to play a character named Osama in the action comedy. (Thank God he intends for this to be a comedy, otherwise I could see myself going postal at any time now.) Keep in mind, this is the same film where Boll plans to throw in footage of himself and several film critics boxing to the death. (Okay, it won't be to the death -- but a boy can dream, right?)

If Cohen accepts the role (Should we just go ahead and say that would be the stupidest career decision in the history of stupid career decisions?), he would be starring alongside Gary Coleman. Now, there's a duo worth millions at the box office.

[via Cinema Blend]

Because I know it's a question that's been keeping you awake at night, the one film that Uwe Boll would remake if he had the chance is Jaws. (Of course, now that the question has been answered, it will commence keeping Steven Spielberg awake.) Also, it turns out that our hopes that the closing of that German tax loophole would end his career were overstated - his next three films, at least, were already financed when the law changed. Curses!

These and other tidbits were revealed by Boll himself in a very entertaining email interview conducted by the gents over at Creature Corner. In addition to talking taxes and rubber sharks, Boll revealed his hopes that The Rock and Vin Diesel will soon be calling him up, the former begging to star in Far Cry (a - shock - video game adaptation), the latter to possibly bring him on board the film version of Hitman (why yes, it's a game). On top of those projects, the video game king is also currently working on Postal, a film version of a game that apparently involves Gary Coleman in some way - and Coleman will appear in the movie as himself.

 Man alive - quality (or lack thereof) aside, this guy is as busy as Joss Whedon. Does he ever sleep?


[via JoBlo]