So, since it's Christmas, and 'tis the season and all that, I'm going to list here the seven movie weapons I wouldn't mind having. Before you recoil in horror from your computer and decide that I'm a loon, hear me out. When I was a kid, we always wanted the hottest movie toy around, and that doesn't seem to have changed at all today. A walk down a toy aisle in any store these days will show you items like Jack Sparrow's Cutlass or a self-inflating Superman suit that lets any kid become a Child of Steel. you see, a really good movie weapon makes you want it. When you see a bad guy or a good guy wielding a plain old gun or a knife on screen, you're like, "Eh, big deal." However, if it's a knife that can cut through stone, or a gun that shoot bullets into the past, then you tend to say, "Holy cow! I want one of those!"

These are seven weapons that made me do just that. Granted, some of them are a bit silly, and some are a bit over the top, but the main point is that none of them exist ... yet. I've found myself wishing I had one at different times, usually while dealing with extremely annoying things like the line at the DMV, people who talk too loudly on cell phones, or people who like to cut you off on the freeway in Southern California. So, these are some of the items that would be in my own private arsenal. What do you want in yours?

You know how Eric Idle once got it into his head that a big lavish musical version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail would be an awesome idea? And how the thing turned into a huge success that left patrons, critics and soundtrack producers clapping their hands in giddy pleasure? Well, guess what?

Life of Brian looks to be the next Python classic that's destined for the stage. EW.com's Scott Brown explains numerous things, including what the play will be called (Not the Messiah), why the thing is opening in Toronto instead of New York (religious kooks), and what exactly an "oratorio" is, information that I found pretty helpful.

Having not yet seen the Grail-inspired Spamalot, which I hear is pretty damn hilarious, I haven't much else to add on this story. But Life of Brian is absolutely one of the finest satires I've ever seen, so here's hoping Idle's new version retains that same sense of venomous playfulness. And let me know when the underrated The Meaning of Life becomes a big expensive "oratorio." It's already got that amazingly fun "Every Sperm is Sacred" number.

P.S. How is it that Spamalot: The Movie is not already in production??