There is no way I can start this news with anything but the song, so get that puppy playing and continue reading. The Hollywood Reporter posts that J. J. Abrams is teaming up with Paramount to give us Jay Dyer's new spec, one that has a name that jumps back to the '80s -- Hot for Teacher.

Aptly, the film is said to be "a Superbad-like story of a high school senior who sets out to have sex with his teacher before he graduates." He's got it bad, he's got it bad, he's hot for teacher! My expectations have soared through the roof for this project, so I hope it's at least half as good as I imagine it could be. Yes, I have a long-standing appreciation for Diamond Dave.

If this is already being compared to Superbad, I'm expecting that there will be the classic "Hot for Teacher" dance in tuxes with the head clutch, the heart grab, and then crotch clasp. A verrrrrry long guitar solo library shot would be cool too. Part of Superbad's charm was merging current kids with old-school music, and this new project is based on a Van Halen song, so hopefully there are at least a few nods to the old days.

Those of us who saw Cloverfield in theaters this past January watched the monster movie in the wrong way. According to a new Reuters article, the movie's producer, J.J. Abrams, says it's really meant for home viewing: "The thing about this movie -- probably more than any I think -- is that it is better on DVD than in the theater," Abrams told Reuters. "Because the movie is like a videotape. It lives on your TV. In many ways, it is supposed to be viewed on a (TV) monitor."

Interesting. Wait, so does that mean I was correct when I wrote in my column, "The Exhibitionist", about Cloverfield being "theatrically inappropriate"? I went so far as to say that it had no business being shown in theaters at all, which I'm sure Abrams doesn't agree with, and I also said that it was most appropriately viewed in a YouTube window. I received some of my harshest criticism ever for that column, yet I don't mean to now jump around bragging that I was right and the commenters were wrong. Anytime a post on Cinematical can get 42 responses (or more), in which movie fans get into a heated discussion about films, formats and fun (as in the adjective used to describe the experience of seeing Cloverfield in a theater), is 100% a good thing. Yes, even when I'm said to be "misguided" or "having an off day".

Simon Pegg is going to be in trouble! Even he says so. When asked about Star Trek by AICN, he was extremely wary. "There is very little I can say, because there is a Paramount sniper trained on the back of my head as I speak. He's on a building and I'm not going to look, because he will know I know he is there."

But he talked anyway. You need to head over to read (and listen to!) the entire interview, where Pegg talks about everything from Run Fatboy Run, to Spaced, to Hot Fuzz, and, of course, Star Trek. I will post the best bits here, though, because I know you're dying to read them.

Pegg elaborated on taking on the iconic role and stressed how conscientious he was to play the part with the utmost respect. "One thing I didn't want to do is an impression of James Doohan, because I wouldn't want anyone to think I was making fun of him, you know? If I started doing an impersonation of the actor that played Scotty, that would be doing the part and the actor a disservice, so my intention was to take it as James did when he first picked up the script, and just say 'Okay, he's a physics genius, he's an engineer, he's from Scotland ...' and approach the character like that and to have my interpretation of it."

Is this breaking news? I don't know. Variety thinks it's breaking news, so I guess it's breaking news -- but, to me, breaking news would be, "Star Trek Not Happening Because J.J. Abrams Crapped Himself and Hates Life." Star Trek's release date being pushed back to May 8, 2009, from December 25, 2008? News, definitely. Breaking news? Not so much. Why the move? Some feel the film has more box office potential in May than in December (which I certainly believe, to some degree), but I'd bet the cattle ranch J.J. wanted to fine-tune that script a bit now that the writer's strike is over, and he'd like that much more time to do so. We know he had problems with the script they're shooting with now; minor problems, probably, but I could see him wanting to change it up now that he's able to.

Anyway, yeah, Star Trek will now arrive in theaters on May 8, 2009. Its competition will come from X-Men Origins: Wolverine (due out May 1, 2009) and Angels & Demons (due out May 19, 2009). Also of note, Variety says Dreamworks pushed the Tropic Thunder (Ben Stiller comedy) release date back to August 15 from July 11. What do you think about the release date shift? Does it mean a whole lot to have those extra few months?

Aussie thespian Eric Bana was on hand at today's junket for The Other Boleyn Girl in Manhattan, and no surprise -- he was peppered with questions about his recent, confusing comments regarding his role in the upcoming J.J. Abrams film adaptation of Star Trek. Bana was recently quoted in an Australian newspaper as speaking of the part of Nero -- thought to be the film's main villain -- as only a "cameo," so after a few polite questions about TOBG were tossed around today, I broached the subject with Bana. Isn't Nero the main villain in this movie, I asked? To which he replied: "Well, I guess he kind of is, but I guess what I mean is that in the context of the roles I usually do, the weight is firmly on other areas, you know what I mean? It's not one of those roles where you're carrying the movie, is what I'm saying. I feel like I'm very much in a supporting role, not one of the main guys. So 'cameo' is a way of saying I don't feel like, as I am in this film or some other films, where you're clearly carrying a lot of the film. It's a luxury to not be in that position. It's nice to be offered a part like that."

Bana went on to say that he had not filmed his part yet. "They started shooting quite a while ago," he said. "I've got the plum gig on that film, I've gotta say. I haven't even started yet. I just go in at the very end and do my cameo." When asked if he was a 'Trekkie,' he responded thusly: "I like the show, I liked the original as a kid. I loved it. I haven't seen a lot of the movies since, but I was a fan of the original series. But that wouldn't have been enough, even if I was crazy about the original series it wouldn't have been enough to make me sign on to a film I didn't want to do. I just read the script and I went 'that is an awesome script' and it's J.J. and it'd be a good time, to play a character like that. It was a very easy decision."

The first 'reality blockbuster' is a winner. Cloverfield is a lean, brisk roller-coaster of a monster movie, buoyed by the lack of story gimmicks and absurd characterizations that weigh down most movies of this ilk, no offense to you personally Mr. Broderick. In the aftermath, it will dawn on you that it's actually quite traditional -- every character has an arc -- but it doesn't feel that way. Nor does it feel like 'found footage', but something in between. Watch the prologue carefully, as our narrator/cameraman, whose point of view we'll share, is trying to make a standard going-away party commemoration tape interesting by sniffing out some sex gossip and self-consciously creating his own drama with a girl who wishes he'd get lost. This guy has filmmaking instincts, and when circumstances change and he becomes a 'character' in a disaster movie, he goes with it. He's not just pointing a camera -- he's making Cloverfield: The Movie. Ten years ago, we would have said 'it's not realistic that this guy would keep the camera rolling,' but those days are long gone.

Again, there's no pretense of reality here -- the 20-something party people who we meet and whose lives are flipped by the arrival of the monster are all as pretty and as vapid as anyone on Laguna Beach and they never become less glamorous as the movie goes on -- no one is caught in need of a snot-rag, ala Blair Witch. Among the main characters are Rob (Michael Stahl-David), the guest of honor at the party who is leaving for a new job in Japan, Beth (Odette Yustman) his ex-girlfriend who he still has feelings for but would only admit it if, say, her life were in mortal danger or something, and Marlena (Lizzy Caplan) whose quiet, wide-eyed demeanor and gruff sarcasm make her a bad candidate for 'Survivor Girl.' As the advertising will tell you, some characters will live and some will die but you never know when and where and one death is so shocking and inexplicable I wish very much that I hadn't already seen it a hundred times in the movie's 'give everything away' advertising.

Oh yes, that's exactly what you think it is. Moviefone snatched the first Star Trek photo, and though it's a tad dark, you can clearly see the new Enterprise ship coming together. Ever since it was announced that J.J. Abrams would be directing a brand new take on the Star Trek franchise, folks have been itching to see what he's come up with. Starring Zachary Quinto (as a young Spock), Chris Pine (as a young Kirk), Karl Urban (as Bones), Simon Pegg (as Scotty), John Cho (as Sulu), Anton Yelchin (as Checkov) and Zoe Saldana (as Uhuru), this latest Star Trek installment apparently follows the original crew during their early days at Starfleet Academy up through their first mission together. Eric Bana will be playing a villain named Nero, while Bruce Greenwood will also make an appearance as the original Captain, Christopher Pike. And for those longing for some old school Trek, you'll be happy to know that Leonard Nimoy will also be showing up as his old Spock self. Head to Moviefone to see a larger Star Trek photo, as well as a gallery of the cast. Star Trek is set to touch down on December 25.

Additionally, you can spot the first trailer for Star Trek this weekend in front of Cloverfield, and the film's official site has now gone live.

Dude.

I'm still trying to comprehend the film I just watched. It really is like no other monster movie you've ever seen. You know those warnings they give people before going on a rollercoaster (might not be safe for pregnant women, people who have motion sickness, etc ...) -- well, they should give the same warning before watching Cloverfield. It's not a film; it's sort of like an experience. And being able to watch this movie with a New York City crowd was pretty special. There was no random fanboy cheering at any point; frankly, I don't think people had time to cheer because once the film goes ... it goes ... and it goes ... and it will freak you the hell out.

My wife even liked this film, and she hates all things science fiction. She's more of a hardcore drama gal; people killing themselves, killing each other -- that sort of thing. So her liking this movie is huge. I won't go on much longer because I refuse to spoil it for you, but trust me when I say Cloverfield is worth the hype. You'll need to adjust to the shaky cam (won't take longer than 15 minutes, at least for us it didn't), it's a tad melodramatic (but it works because you care about the characters more), New Yorkers will have to suck it up a bit (Spring to 59th in heels?) and you'll need to realize that you won't be spoon-fed the usual Hollywood bullsh*t along the way. Picture you and your friends hanging out one night. Someone has a movie camera. Something attacks the city ... and you're off. That's it. That's the setup. Now strap yourself in, hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

It's wonderful, it's frightening and it's truly a breath of fresh air. Serious props go out to director Matt Reeves and producer J.J. Abrams. Cloverfield ... you have finally won me over. Stay tuned to Cinematical for our official review later this week.

P.S. Weinberg here! As the biggest horror geek on the Cinematical crew, I would like to (enthusiastically) agree with the comments and opinions of Mr. Davis and his lovely wife. This is one of the coolest monster movies I've ever seen. And I freaking LOVE monster movies.

Lots of Star Trek love (and hate) flying around the internets today, as Leonard Nimoy spills some pretty big beans, a scooper claims to have read the shooting script and another person says they've seen footage. First off, Slashfilm reports (via CBS 2 in Los Angeles) that Leonard Nimoy (who'll be reprising his role as an older Spock for this new film) admitted there will be more than two Spocks in the J.J. Abrams-directed flick. He says, "I am Spock, and there is another Spock and there is another Spock. There are a total of three Spocks in the movie and that is all I will say about it." And who is that third Spock you might ask? Well, most likely it'll be a baby Spock, or a really young Spock -- the one they use in scenes with Winona Ryder, who was cast as Spock's mother. Not a big spoiler, I don't think, but it does seem more and more like this is Spock's movie.

Moving on, a couple super spy scoopers wrote into AICN; one claims to have read the shooting script, and one says they saw footage. There's lots of little spoilers included in both of their reports, but I will say the guy who read the script went off on screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. An example: "While this may sound okay, the way it's written is so ham fisted that it makes the TRANSFORMERS script read like Shakespeare." And some more: "The dialogue is about on par with their past works and some of the liberties they've taken are insanely sloppy." And one more nugget: "The problem with the script is all its blatant inconsistency with things in the TREK canon, not to be innovative... but because Kurtzman and Orci are lousy writers and have zero feel for Roddenberry's universe, even when attempting to reboot it."

The guy who claims to have seen footage was a bit nicer. Here's a taste: "By the way when I saw the new look of the Enterprise, I just wanted to go out and buy a model kit of that or something. I'm quite sure it will get as much positive response as the Milennium Falcon did. Yes, the stuff is that detailed." Feel free to head on over to AICN to read the rest, as I don't want to spoil too much, but if you ask me it seems we'll be getting the Star Trek version of Transformers -- hardcore fans will hate it, but Abrams will gain a whole bunch of new, younger fans who may help turn this puppy into a fresh re-booted franchise for the new millennium. Star Trek XI is due out Christmas Day.

Talk about a casting scoop. The nice people over at UGO.com are reporting with all confidence that Tyler Perry -- yes, you heard me -- has joined the cast of J.J. Abrams' Star Trek. According to the site, Perry will play the head of Starfleet Academy who acts in a sort of prosecutorial role in a courtroom scenario when a young Kirk cheats on a test and must be punished. This is apparently a well-known event in Trek lore, and UGO gives the whole breakdown of what happens. It seems that Spock finds out that Kirk cheated and turns him in and then ... that's about where the scoop stops. But forget all that -- Tyler Perry?! I'll admit that I've been lucky enough to avoid all of his movies, but I live in the same country as you do so I know who he is, and this seems like casting that's almost intended to be jarring. And lucrative ... everyone knows what an insane moneymaker Perry is, and this move is obviously designed as a test to see if that money tree can be planted in foreign soil.

I imagine that Paramount will create an entire secondary marketing channel that caters specifically to Perry's devoted church crowd. It will go something like this: "Come and see the latest Tyler Perry movie, in which he delivers some down home Southern schoolin' to a test-cheating white boy and shows him that the only place he needs to 'boldly go' is straight to church." Will the teaser trailer show a guy in drag chasing a pointy-eared guy with a rolling pin around the deck of a ship? Probably not, but this casting is so out there that, combined with how incongruous the other casting choices have been so far, I'm now almost excited to see this film.

Let's go where no movie marketing has ever gone before ...

Have the first pics of Chris Pine as Captain Kirk arrived online? JFXOnline, who have apparently been camped out around the Star Trek XI set since filming began, claimed to have snapped photos of who they believe is Chris Pine in his Kirk costume. Said costume, in case you were wondering, is all red -- and it kinda looks like the sort of thing Santa would wear under his big, heavy coat. Anyway, the photos, which also include shots of a girl they claim is an Orion Slave Girl (kinky!), are pretty blurry. And JFXOnline insists on throwing up this watermark to block the pics even more. But it's definitely a guy in the pics ... and he's definitely wearing a lot of red. Captain Kirk or some guy doing the Walk of Shame following a holiday party that got way too out of control? You make the call.

So you know all that Cloverfield and Slusho stuff? How a bunch of viral sites pimping this weird Japanese drink called Slusho have popped online, and how we all thought it had something to do with Cloverfield? Yeah, apparently not. Slashfilm tells us that, based on a bunch of early screenings, Slusho doesn't appear anywhere in the film (except on a water bottle or something). Yup. No Slusho in Cloverfield. So if it's not in Cloverfield, then what the hell is Slusho? Well, Slashfilm claims it might be part of another project J.J. Abrams is working on, and that for some odd reason the two got mixed up because a) Bad Robot is involved in both and b) the whole Japanese angle lead lots to believe Slusho had something to do with Godzilla, which, in turn, was believed to be the monster featured in Cloverfield. Yeah ... no. And if that's the case, then why hasn't J.J. Abrams come out and said something by now? Why? Because the guy loves f**king with people. And if we're completely off course, then that means we're nowhere near the stuff he's actually hiding. Bastard. Abrams is like the kid who would hide in the most insane spots during Hide & Seek as a kid. You'd be behind a bush, and he'd find a way to hide on top of a roof somewhere. Cloverfield arrives on January 18.

Don't get me wrong, I love a film that makes me want to drop several tabs of acid, but some of this Cloverfield marketing is a little too odd. Bunch of kids running around Manhattan, trying to escape from a monster? Okay, I get that. This whole Slusho thing? No idea. For those of you following the Cloverfield viral marketing campaign closely, you should already be aware of Slusho. It's some sort of drink that's somehow tied into the movie; it's already appeared in episodes of Heroes (for some odd reason) and now a new commercial for the drink is online. I have no idea what Slusho (whose tagline is: "You Can't Drink Just Six") has to do with Cloverfied, but I imagine the two will join forces when the film finally arrives in theaters on January 18, 2008. Is the Cloverfield monster also going to factor into the Heroes television series? Got me. But I wouldn't put anything past viral marketing guru J.J. Abrams -- he really knows how to suck you in, keep you in and then give you nothing. I kid, I kid. Anyway, check out the new Slusho commercial after the jump. Additionally, according to Shock, Cloverfield's running time will clock in at just around 90 minutes. How long does a tab of acid last?

I'm still holding out for the surprise announcement that William Shatner will indeed appear in J.J. Abrams' Star Trek. In the meantime, though, I expect to hear another complaint from the original Captain Kirk after reading this juicy bit of goodness: George Takei has a cameo in the upcoming movie*, which will be a prequel-ish reboot of the TV and movie franchise. According to a Starburst magazine interview with the actor, Takei will feature in a flash-forward scene that will also showcase original Spock, Leonard Nimoy. From the sound of it, he will be returning to his iconic role as an older version of Sulu. Best guess is that Takei and Nimoy will be sitting in futuristic rocking chairs reminiscing about their beginnings at the Starfleet Academy, and this scene will be the prologue to the rest of the movie. Playing the younger versions of Sulu and Spock throughout the rest of the film are John Cho and Zachary Quinto, respectively.

Well, if Shatner doesn't put up more of a fuss, the fans should. After all, as long as we're getting two of the surviving original cast members, why can't we get the rest? Sure, it would be a sad scene, considering DeForest Kelley (Bones) and James Doohan (Scotty) aren't around to be a part of such a reunion, but the Trekkies would certainly appreciate seeing Nichelle Nichols (Uhuru), Walter Koenig and of course Shatner together again. Am I right? They could all have a few laughs while yelling at the kids to get off their damn lawns. And we could all feel better about having to accept all new actors as these beloved characters. So, who is going to start the online petition? Oh wait, that's already been done.

*UPDATE: Apparently this is just another rumor, one that has been debunked. According to TrekMovie.com, Takei will not have a cameo in the new Star Trek.

By the power of J.J. Abrams, I give you the following nuggets of fanboy info:

• The brand spanking new Cloverfield trailer is now online! Only some dude (or dudette) recorded it on their cell during a sneak preview of Beowulf and you can hardly see the thing, it's crazy blurry. But what you do see is the title ... and, as previously reported, it's ... Cloverfield! Can I get a f*ck you J.J. Abrams for that one! Months dude, months. And you decide to say, "F*ck it, let's just leave it as Cloverfield." Then again, that's the title most people associate the film with, so I don't blame them (marketing-wise) for not changing it up too much. But ... still. Anyway, I'd personally stay away from watching the cruddy YouTube pirated trailer if I were you (not worth it, trust me), as a new clearer version will most likely hit the net within 24 hours. Will the film live up to all the hype? Sure it will ... just look at Snakes on a Plane. Or not. [via Filmstalker]
• Screenwriter Justin Marks (aka the guy they brought in to f*ck up He-Man) was interviewed recently in the new issue of Toy Fare, and he had plenty to say about his take on the new, updated, re-imagining, blah blah of everyone's favorite 80s blonde-haired surfer warrior on steroids. Here's a sample of the interview (which can be read in full over on IESB): Marks says, "He-Man is sword-and-sandals meets science fiction. If you avoid it and just try to make it sword and sandals, then it becomes a boring movie. If you just try to make it science fiction, it's going to be really kitschy and weird, and it's not going to be true to He-Man. You have to make it both. So we have to come up with specific ideas, grounded, that would spawn a world that was people carrying around swords, and yet, guys like Tri-Klops running around with his spinning visor and this sort of nano-technological way about him. What is the sorcery that can create stuff like that?" God bless my man, and good luck!

Those darling little devils over at (JFX Online?, whose site appears to be either down or overloaded at the moment) have scored the first top secret (not anymore though) pics of Zachary Quinto on the set of Star Trek XI ... and he's dressed as -- yup -- Spock. Freaky, the dude totally looks the part. It's kind of funny when you think about it; director J.J. Abrams has done one helluva job protecting the mystery surrounding Cloverfield (aka 1-18-08), but within the first few days of filming, we've already seen pics of the Trek cast, and now pics of Quinto as Spock. Abrams and his crew have worked hard to keep the cast's outfits a secret, going so far as to make them wear black trenchoats with hoods (thus the Star Trek cult was born), but someone managed to snag these fantastic (yet a tad blurry) photos. Good job, I say.

Quinto was the one cast member who looked the most like the character he was taking on; what with that oval face and all. So it doesn't surprise me that the guy looks the part -- but can he play it? That's the better question. Additionally, IESB has also scored video of Quinto, the location shooting and a blue screen set up at a chapel ... or something. They have the entire description, as well as pics of the actual chapel (which they claim may be on Vulcan), so head on over there to check that out.

[photo via Slashfilm]