It's only a matter of time before Guy Ritchie went back to the gangster filled underworld ... but he might do it to snappy showtunes. According to UK paper The Sun, Ritchie is reportedly itching to take on a remake of Guys and Dolls.

Supposedly, Ritchie and Jason Statham have been joking about writing a musical for sometime, one that would be "a cross between Worzel Gummidge and Bullitt." Now, Worzel Gummidge is a walking, talking scarecrow familiar to British children. He talks kind of like a Ritchie character, but I'm at a loss as to what a hybrid between Worzel and Steve McQueen would look like. Thankfully, we may never find out as he's willing to give up his Worzel Gummidge laced dreams for Guys and Dolls.

Rumors of a remake have been rampant for years (usually with Hugh Jackman's name attached), and with Damn Yankees being green-lit, it wouldn't surprise me if it's picking up some serious steam. Nor would it surprise me if Ritchie became attached, as he seems to be earning Sherlock Holmes goodwill. So, despite story's dubious origins and Madonna jabs, there's just enough here to make it worth talking about. If nothing else, we can use this space to bang the drum and remind whoever does land Guys and Dolls to cast Ewan McGregor as Sky Masterson. I'm still kicking myself that I missed him on the West End, and a movie would soothe those regrets nicely. Now, who to play Nathan Detroit ...

It seems like Jason Statham might be booked until the end of time. Fresh off the news that he was set to be a new Mechanic comes his enlistment in The Killer Elite for director Gary McKendry who will be making his feature debut.

Elite is based on Ranulph Fiennes' (yes, one of the Fiennes) book The Feather Men, a nonfiction account of an underground group of vigilante killers who provide protection and justice for former members of the SAS. Apparently, SAS soldiers were being targeted by a former sheik from Oman, and the Feather Men (named for their light touch) sought to eradicate his band of contract killers. As intriguing as the real story sounds, it sounds as though Elite will only be loosely inspired by Fiennes' account. It centers on British special forces who are being targeted by assassins, but plunks Statham in as a Navy Seal who is forced out of retirement in order to save his closest friend.

In other words, it's like nearly every Statham movie ever made. But you know what? I'm cool with that. To borrow a phrase from Katherine Hepburn, he's like a baked potato, and you know exactly what you're going to get with him. I like knowing he has a full pre-production slate of guns, deadly squints, and ripped-abs. Movies like that are what weekends were invented for.

With Death Wish being remade by Sylvester Stallone, it was clear that the entire Charles Bronson back catalog is up for grabs ... and the next up is 1973's The Mechanic. Last year, it was also reportedly being redone by Stallone, but it's now in new hands. Unfortunately, they're the hands of Simon West, who has nabbed his second remake job according to Variety. So now you know it'll look more like Con Air and Tomb Raider, and less grim and gritty, though it is being produced and updated by the original Mechanic men, Irwin Winkler and Robert Chartoff.

The upside (to me, anyway) is that it will star the deliciously surly Jason Statham in the lead role -- and frankly, if you are going to remake a Bronson movie, Statham is your man. I think he's the closest we have to the manly men of 70s B-Movies and that we'll all live to see Crank remade by whoever succeeds him.

If you're unfamiliar with the plot, it goes a little something like this: an aging hitman named Arthur Bishop is assigned to kill Big Harry, one of the head men of his organization. At Harry's funeral, Bishop meets his son, Steve and takes him under his assassin wing. Bishop's shadowy organization doesn't like this though, and things get predictably bloody. The film is actually on Netflix Instant Watch, so check it out this weekend as a gritty come down from Star Trek ... that's what I'm going to do!

Since the weekend has come and gone and the only ones still talking about Crank: High Voltage are the critics who were forced to go to midnight and opening day screenings to write their reviews, it should come as no surprise that the sequel to the popular 2006 film did not perform exceptionally well at the box office. Indeed, it landed at sixth place in the weekend's Top Ten, grossing just shy of $7 million, while the number one film, 17 Again, raked in almost $24 million. But that's just the way that non sequitur cinema works: no matter what you hope or expect to happen next, there's no predicting how things will turn out.

Sorry, you don't know what non sequitur cinema is? Well, it's the action subgenre launched in 2000 thanks to the directorial style of filmmaker McG's Charlie's Angels which has since morphed into its own, thrilling, nonsensical entity which sometimes makes careers, but more often, claims them.

Not to be confused with real movies, these "experiences" function on a level of sensory overload that transcends such paltry objectives as character development or storytelling. Rather, they're most easily recognized by a preponderance of visual style that annihilates coherent thought, leaves eye sockets singed, and considers adrenal glands only slightly more valuable than Faberge eggs made from baby seal pelts and wrapped in bald eagle feathers. The original Angels collected enough on screen talent not only to earn it $264 million in worldwide grosses, but a sequel that made nearly as much despite making no sense at all and actually making the first film seem much, much worse than it actually is. (Ask McG how he feels about the reception of the two films if you don't believe me.)

Some mild Crank: High Voltage spoilers to follow...

Taking in an estimated $6.5 million for the weekend, the Crank sequel seemed to please most fans (less so myself) and many critics (the Tomatometer now stands at 69%, over the original's 60%) without totally taking America by storm. Hey, we live in a world where not everyone wants to pay to see Jason Statham stick a lubed-up shotgun inside some thug's rectum -- different strokes, people, different strokes.

Now, as Chev Chelios finally confronted the man with the red cooler (Art Hsu) after a momentarily Godzilla-like showdown, he opened the cooler to find not his stolen heart, but... something, something vaguely but freakishly off-putting to even the steely likes of Chev -- he reacts to the effect of "Why would you possibly carry this around with you?" -- and then, naturally, we never find out what the cooler holds.

So, as many had likewise debated as to the contents of that briefcase in Pulp Fiction, I'd like to hear your theories on what exactly was in that cooler. Was it Jason Statham's hair? The script for the next Tyler Perry outing? A puppy?

("Whatever, I wanted a cat.")

On the eve of its release in 2006, some local pals accommodated me at their screening for the first Crank film, and when my reaction afterward was one of surprising enthusiasm, they kindly chalked it up to a matter of "demographics." (To them, this most recently excused my thoughts on Observe and Report as well.)

Three years later, I found myself attending a midnight show of Crank: High Voltage alongside plenty of demographically-appropriate (read: texting) kin, anxious to see just how Jason Statham's unstoppable hitman is going to beat the odds this time around. And three reels later, I began to wonder whether or not too much had finally become just that. Oh, dear... what if they told me to leave my brain at the door and my heart still wasn't in it?

Blame this on Anderson Cooper and the exhaustive coverage of President and First Lady Obama's trip to London. I can never see my favorite city on television without wanting to board a plane, and since I can't do that right this moment, I must haul every British film out and watch it to get my fix of Anglophilia.

Of course, few London visitors get close to the underworld inhabited by Guy Ritchie -- though the Obamas might meet a few Snatch characters if they get close to the protesters. (I'm not talking the ones who actually are there for real reasons, I'm talking about the ones just chugging lager cans because, well, why not. If you saw any of the news footage, you know what I mean.) I can't find my favorite "Who took the jam out of your doughnut?" scene, so "Two minutes!" will have to do.

I can't believe this film is nearly ten years old. Remember 2000, when people still liked Ritchie, Swept Away wasn't on the radar, Brad Pitt was kind of edgy, and Jason Statham was an ordinary Englishman, not a ripped demigod? How time flies ... and the thought takes the jam right out of my doughnut.

Internet history was made on March 18, 2009. Lionsgate became the first studio to debut original content on Twitter, which means anyone who signs onto the social media network after this point is officially five minutes late. (Hooray! I made it under the wire.)

What was this content? Why, a Crank 2: High Voltage poster! It's very yellow and Jason Statham-y, for those missing his squint from the popping vein poster. I've put both in the gallery below. Maybe we'll get some shirtless pictures to pad it out in the next few weeks. (Hey, a girl can dream.)

But more important than the poster is where it appeared, and what this might mean for all of us. Many are applauding this new frontier of communication, while others say this is the beginning of the end -- the Re-Tweeting of posters, stills, and trailers could put us all out of work. For other media geeks, the Crank 2 poster means that Twitter is no longer cool, and is now just another tool of the corporate machine.

All I know is that Lionsgate is really lucky TwitPic was working, and didn't replace Statham with a Jason who uploaded his photo at the exact same time they did. That happened to me the other day, and boy was it embarrassing.

By now you may have already heard the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger will return to the big screen in a cameo role as himself in Sylvester Stallone's veteran-heavy action flick The Expendables. AICN broke the news last night, saying Arnie will play Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger -- that he'll be shooting for one day, and the Governor will have ties to Stallone's character, Barney Ross. Additionally, Latino Review adds that Danny Trejo has joined the flick, while AICN notes that Eric Roberts has replaced Ben Kingsley in a cast that already includes Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Sandra Bullock, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren and Forest Whitaker. And I'm sorry, but if that retro badass cast can't churn out a fun flick, then I've lost all hope in humanity.

With the news out of the way, let's turn to the topic at hand. Obviously Arnold is itching to get back in front of the camera in some way, shape or form (we still don't know what version of the Governor we'll see in the next Terminator film), but do we, as fans, want to see him return to movies or should the guy stick to politics? Is the Schwarzenegger era over, or is there still room for the guy to make a highly successful flick?

What do you think?

Just the thing for Friday afternoon! The official Crank 2: High Voltage trailer has hit the net (in a far more "Safe for Work" form than the earlier one!) and ... well, it looks exactly like it should. Hilariously over the top, full of dubious science and medical treatments, and a rehash of the first Crank in all the right ways. You should be sold on it from that first glare from Jason Statham. (But then, that might be a girl thing.) When I heard they were doing Crank 2 and that it revolved around a robotic heart, I thought it was too stupid for words. But such is the power of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor -- the ridiculous not only makes sense here, it's insanely cool.

In fact, you might want to watch only the first thirty seconds or so, just enough to whet your appetite and get the concept, as I fear this trailer ruins an awful lot of the stunts and heart-starting gags. If you're going to spend the money to see Crank 2, then you should see it as unspoiled as possible -- consider that you're warning, and make your own choice, but IGN let us embedded it for you. Watch, laugh your ass off, and be glad there's some April action to look forward to.