Remember that conversation in Chasing Amy between Alyssa and Banky? "So for you, to f--k means to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You, inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing the bored look in her eyes." "Hey, I always notice that bored look in her eyes." Methinks Banky might have benefited from this new indie flick on the way, from Scott Culver, called How to Make Love to a Woman (written by Dennis Kao).

With the help of Jenna Jameson, The Hollywood Reporter posts that Josh Meyers, Krysten Ritter, Ian Somerhalder, Eugene Byrd, and Lindsay Richards will learn a little of that lovin' style. The film will focus on Meyers, who plays a "music executive with no idea how to satisfy his girlfriend (Ritter)." He goes to his musician friends for advice (bands like Red Jumpsuit and Hellogoodbye appear in the film), and somehow is lucky enough to get advice from Jameson as well, but there's a problem in all this: his girlfriend's hot, childhood friend (Somerhalder) pops up. Byrd, meanwhile, will play Meyers' best friend.

Now the question becomes: Will the film just be funny, or will the real-life, unsatisfying lovers learn a thing or two?

The work doesn't stop, even if it is May 2-4 (don't get me started on a long weekend where the signature date isn't until next weekend...). Here are some casting scoops from Variety:

Jenna Jameson. She's already been labeled The Queen of Porn, having appeared in over one hundred adult movies, and now, slowly, she's been inching her way into mainstream cinema. She had a role in Private Parts; more recently, she was a zombie stripper. Now, she's got herself a starring gig in War of the Dragon. From writer/producer/director Stan Derain, the film is about "a psychic and a martial arts expert who team to find the killers of their mothers." There's no word on who she'll play. Could it be a mom? That might kill her porn cred a little. Meanwhile, I wonder how she's doing with that biopic of hers since Scarlett gave her a big fat no?

In other news, Liza Lapira, who has been on a slew of television shows from Monk to Law & Order, plus big-screen gigs like Cloverfield and the upcoming Repossession Mambo, has picked up a role in the latest Fast sequel, The Fast and the Furious 4 -- aka -- Fast and Furious. She'll play FBI Agent Sophie Trinh, who, according to this link, is a friend of Brian's who helps him find James Park.

In case you weren't sure, Zombie Strippers is exactly what it sounds like: a horror comedy about zombified strippers. And like most zombie movies, it has political subtext, though you don't have to worry about it being headier than something titled Zombie Strippers should be. Sure, it claims to be based loosely on Eugène Ionesco's classic absurdist play Rhinoceros and, sure, it features allusions to a number of philosophers, including Camus and Sartre, but really it's dumb and silly and a heck of a good time. Particularly if you're anything but sober. And if you're just looking for a grindhouse sort of guilty pleasure to pass the time.

Zombie Strippers opens with a montage that sets the scene: it's sometime in the near future, and Bush has just been reelected to his fourth term. Already, we know this movie will be a complete farce, but the ludicrous exposition continues, explaining that government scientists have developed a virus that allows soldiers in Iraq to continue fighting after they're killed. Yes, these super soldiers are zombies, a minor twist on Joe Dante's anti-Bush short Homecoming, which was one of the more critically celebrated episodes of the cable series Masters of Horror, and which featured Iraq War casualties rising from the dead in order to cast their vote against Bush's reelection.

Last week I saw the straightforwardly titled Zombie Strippers (which Scott told us about a few weeks back) and it has taken me this long to recover. Not because I was overly scared ... or stimulated. But I did really enjoy the thing, and I'm not exactly a fan of either horror or porn. So, how could I be entertained by a movie that features adult film star Jenna Jameson as a flesh-eating pole dancer? Well, I was pretty intoxicated. Unlike most press screenings, the one for Zombie Strippers began with a cocktail hour. And since I wasn't expecting to think much of the feature presentation, I properly indulged myself.

And what do you know? On alcohol, Zombie Strippers is a blast. It's a hilarious good time with as much gore and nudity as you'd expect and desire. But should I feel guilty that I unprofessionally got smashed beforehand? Of course not. I still consciously took notes (my full review is forthcoming), and I didn't get inappropriate and run up to the screen attempting to touch the dancers. And in this day and age, when more and more cinemas are serving alcohol, there's no reason why we can't have movies that require a certain state of mind.

Zombie Strippers opens in major cities April 18. While you wait for it, check out the gallery below and watch a clip from the film (via Bloody-Disgusting) after the jump.

Jenna Jameson. As I'm sure you know, she's a pretty popular porn star who wrote How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale -- a book that stayed on the New York Times bestseller list for six weeks. (I'll refrain from bemoaning a world that lets that happen!) What is there to say? According to her Wikipedia entry, a lot -- rape, porn, implants, women, men, marriage, divorce, miscarriage, cancer. Sounds like an upper, eh? Lots of sex intermingled with heartache. We already know that Jameson wanted Scarlett Johansson to play her. Yeah right. Now IGN is helping the powers-that-be behind the upcoming feature come up with possibilities.

Maybe I'm being a stickler, but I'm having a hard time thinking any actress in Hollywood could pull off Jameson, even if they wanted. The woman has one chin plant (whatever) and sported two, yes TWO rounds of breast implants to make a big triple-D. Unless they're planning to show her life without all the sex (which would be dumb as that would drastically cut into the potential audience), they've got to have a woman with ... at least grapefruits, if not basketballs, resting in their bra.

IGN offers the following actresses: Fergie, Heather Graham, Erica Durance, Rachel McAdams and Jessica Simpson. Okay, I'm on board with Fergie. But the rest really aren't porn-star endowed, since I think they are all sporting their natural curves. Check it out for yourself (no nudity, but of course, there is cleavage): natural, implanted, natural, implanted, natural, implanted, natural and implanted. I wouldn't be surprised if Simpson got even bigger and took on the role. She might be refusing it now, but it isn't like she has many options. I think they're going to have a hard time casting this sucker, so don't be surprised if we're left wondering for a while.

I know, I saw "Scarlett Johansson" and "Jenna Jameson" in the same sentence, and so much blood rushed away from my brain I nearly passed out. If Miss Jameson's name doesn't ring a bell, perhaps you've seen her...performances...in such films as I Love Lesbians 10 and Dirty Bob's Xcellent Adventures 35 (which I think we can all agree was a step down from the Hitchcockian #34). Monday, Erik reported that Jessica Simpson has turned down the opportunity to play a porn star, and now People is reporting that Scarlett Johansson has done the same. Porn queen Jameson is looking for an actress to portray her in the film adaptation of her autobiography How to Make Love Like a Porn Star (currently stuck together at a library near you). Jameson developed a fascination with Johansson after seeing the wonderful Lost in Translation, saying "I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy. I was like, 'This girl could play me." Jameson met Johansson once, briefly, and thought "I love her. She's amazing. She's smart, she's funny...She's stunning."

She certainly is, but don't get too excited, fellas. A representative for Johansson says "Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project. She also has no interest in playing this role." In other news -- Christmas has been canceled! So Johansson is probably out, but Jameson is definitely set on a quality actress for the role, saying "I don't want someone who's going to go in there and be like bouncing around. I want someone who can bring some depth." (As opposed to her male co-stars, who don't need depth -- just length and girth. Hiyo!). If they're looking for an actress with some chops, I imagine the mystery porn star role offered to Jessica Simpson is for a different project. Jameson's biopic, said to be called Heartbreaker, promises to be extremely sexually explicit, and according to Jameson, "It has to be. Not because we want to draw male fans. Because I want to tell the true story." Oh Jenna. I don't think you need to worry about the male fans showing up!

Although they do not say which role she turned down, Jessica Simpson's father/manager says the actress turned down the chance to play a porn star in an upcoming movie because the role was just "too risque." The funniest part of this whole thing is that, apparently, the folks who offered her the role also promised her an Oscar. Says pops: "The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star. We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I was like, 'We'll just buy a little man (Oscar) and keep our clothes on.'" Wait, did he just say he's going to buy his daughter an Oscar? And are the filmmakers that desperate to get a name -- any name -- for their film that they're promising Oscars? I hate to say it, but showing your big boobs on the big screen is not going to win this little lady a golden statue. It'll land her a spot on the front page of Mr. Skin -- and that's about it.

They don't say the role, but I imagine it might have something to do with that planned Jenna Jameson biopic. Keep in mind this is just me speculating, but word had it the folks behind that film (and Jenna herself) originally wanted Scarlett Johansson for the role. I imagine it has to be pretty embarrassing for Jenna that it's gone from Johansson to Simpson ... and the latter turned it down! If there was ever a point where you might begin re-thinking whether your life story was worthy of the big-screen treatment, I'd say offering the lead role to Jessica Simpson and having her turn it down might be a sign to quit while you're not ahead. As much as Papa Joe keeps trying to turn Simpson into a major movie star (coincidentally, that's also the name of her next movie), it's just not happening. Recently it was reported that Joe had a big hand in yanking Simpson's newest flick, Blonde Ambition, from the release schedule because the competition was too great and (to quote an insider) "Jessica gives a terrible performance." Hey, but according to some, she's just one nekked role away from an Oscar. So what do we know?

I had no idea until this week that Virgin has a comic book line, but Virgin Comics indeed exists and it's putting out series created by filmmakers such as John Woo, Shekhar Kapur and Guy Ritchie, whose title is being made into a movie by Warner Bros. Virgin has announced another new comic to be co-written by indie filmmaker (and Saving Private Ryan actor) Edward Burns. The book, which has the weird name Dock Walloper, is being co-written by Jimmy Palmiotti and is being drawn by Siju Thomas. It's about an Irish-American gangster and takes place in 1920s New York. The comic book will serve as a foundation for a feature film that Burns will write, direct and co-star in, playing a crime boss named Mad Dog Madden. About the movie, Burns says he always wanted to make a New York period piece but always thought it would be too expensive to do. Now, though, he can shoot the whole thing with green screen, a la Sin City and 300.

Sounds like the furthest thing from The Brothers McMullen I can possibly imagine. I find it interesting that in the currently comic-obsessed film industry, that even someone like Burns has to jump aboard the wagon. And I find it quite sad that filmmakers are now having to put out pre-production comic books just to have that appeal of making a comic adaptation. I don't even know if Dock Walloper will be allowed to be considered an adaptation if the comic is basically based on an idea for a movie, which will then be adapted from the book. It does confuse me, just as the other trend of preceding a movie with an internet series does confuse me. What next, a comic that's a precursor to a Jenna Jameson porn movie? Oh, wait, Virgin seems already on top of that idea, too. Hmm, if there's a more ironic name for a company for Jameson to be associated with, I don't know it.

Just when you thought the IMDb was the greatest asset to movie lovers, the site has gone and revealed itself to be less a service to the cinematic community and more of a privilege from another corporate power worried about its public image. It isn't clear when the site instituted this, but as of today the IMDb has a search filter that makes it difficult to locate some titles, specifically pornographic or otherwise sexually explicit titles. These titles include the usual XXX fare, but also include more mainstream films like John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus and Caligula, which stars Golden Globe winner Helen Mirren.

They aren't gone from the database, though. Shortbus can be found by way of Mitchell, who shows up when searched. The same goes for Caligula, which can be found in a roundabout way via its stars. But the IMDb isn't only filtering out the titles, it is also filtering out some performers who appear in adult titles. At least that's how it seems. The Rabbi Report experimented with the IMDb search and discovered that while most of the Shortbus cast doesn't show up, some large profile porn stars do show up. As further examples, I tested out the names Jenna Jameson, John Holmes and Ron Jeremy -- all were easily searched. Then I looked up The Brown Bunny and the documentary Inside Deep Throat -- neither was easily located.