Cannes is not all about death, gloom, and independent movies. It's also about selling your motion-capture fantasy months in advance of its opening. Jim Carrey, Robin Wright Penn, and Colin Firth showed up in support of Robert Zemeckis' forthcoming A Christmas Carol. After the stars arrived by horse-drawn carriage, Carrey threw a fake snowball. Eight minutes of footage was shown to an invited audience.

Lars, Lars, Lars! Danish director Lars Von Trier's Antichrist shook up Cannes at a press screening on Sunday night, with word quickly spreading that the film was "intentionally unreleasable, chock full of intense violence, graphic sexuality, unforgivable misogyny ... and also beauty," as Karina Longworth described the buzz at Spout. Thus, Von Trier's press conference today, shortly after noon, just as quickly became required viewing -- Anne Thompson has a good report -- and his declaration, "I am the best film director in the world" shot around the world via Twitter. Photographers, depressed by the bloody movie, cheered up when they discovered Hayden Panettiere sunbathing in a bikini on a yacht in the harbor.

Key Screenings. Competition: Ken Loach's 'soccer fanatic / mailman' drama Looking For Eric. Directors' Fortnight: Alain Guiraudie's ''middle-aged homosexual man falls for a young woman romance' Le Roi de l'évasion, Michel Franco's kidnapped sibling drama Daniel & Ana. Un Certain Regard: Yorgos Lanthimos' 'isolated Greek family drama' Dog Tooth, Raya Martin's early 20th Century historical drama Independence.

After the jump: news on Asian action drama Warlords, lesbian romance Drool, and Cannes titles in play.

By now you may have already heard the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger will return to the big screen in a cameo role as himself in Sylvester Stallone's veteran-heavy action flick The Expendables. AICN broke the news last night, saying Arnie will play Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger -- that he'll be shooting for one day, and the Governor will have ties to Stallone's character, Barney Ross. Additionally, Latino Review adds that Danny Trejo has joined the flick, while AICN notes that Eric Roberts has replaced Ben Kingsley in a cast that already includes Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Sandra Bullock, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren and Forest Whitaker. And I'm sorry, but if that retro badass cast can't churn out a fun flick, then I've lost all hope in humanity.

With the news out of the way, let's turn to the topic at hand. Obviously Arnold is itching to get back in front of the camera in some way, shape or form (we still don't know what version of the Governor we'll see in the next Terminator film), but do we, as fans, want to see him return to movies or should the guy stick to politics? Is the Schwarzenegger era over, or is there still room for the guy to make a highly successful flick?

What do you think?

Welcome to the first weekly edition of Asian Cinema Scene. I've written about Asian films under this moniker irregularly in the past; from now on, you can look forward to a fresh new post every Monday. (Unless something emerges from a river and snatches me in its tentacles.) Some weeks I'll concentrate on one film; today I'll roundup a few items of interest from the past week.

Sweet treat. The awesome Thai action flick Chocolate got midnight screenings Friday and Saturday in select markets, courtesy of Magnolia Pictures. It looks great on the big screen, especially with an appreciative audience, but if you missed it, don't despair; look for details on the DVD release in tomorrow's Spin-ematical.

Non-deals. Will recent higher-profile Asian flicks like Tony Jaa's Ong Bak 2 or John Woo's Red Cliff (with the two parts edited into one epic) ever sell to US distributors? The European Film Market is happening this week in Berlin, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we hear something. Meanwhile, Red Cliff 2 is opening across Asia in staggered release; check one of the trailers below.

Consumer beware. DVD label Dragon Dynasty has taken a serious backward step with their decision to release The Enforcer (AKA My Father is a Hero), starring Jet Li, without the original-language Cantonese audio track. Mark Pollard of Kung Fu Cinema reviewed the new edition in detail, and also posted a response by Genius Products, distributor of the Dragon Dynasty line, to criticism expressed online, in which they claim no usable version of the original audio was available in time for the release. It's a good, crunchy action flick directed by Corey Yuen, and deserves better.

After the jump: Variety Asia says goodbye. Plus, which four films are represented in the image above? No peeking!

When news first hit regarding Sylvester Stallone's ensemble action flick The Expendables, it came as no surprise that some of the big names in action were willing to sign up. But it wasn't like the film had anyone attached who could be considered an 'actor with a capital A' -- however, that's about to change now that The Hollywood Reporter confirms that Forest Whitaker is in talks to take on the role of Agent Will Sands.

According to THR, "Whitaker would play the CIA liaison for a group of mercenaries who are clandestinely sent to South America to overthrow a dictator." Stallone has already secured action heavyweights Jet Li, Jason Statham, and UFC star Randy Couture to star. But those of you out there who had their fingers crossed for that 'Demolition Man' reunion with the return of Sandra Bullock are going to be disappointed since Millenium Films has since dismissed the rumor as "wishful thinking" -- although, I'm not quite sure who in their right mind would be anticipating a reunion between Bullock and Stallone, of all people.

Whitaker already has four other films being released this year, and is currently filming the drama My Own Love Song with Renée Zellweger, as well as finishing up some post-production voice work on the long-delayed adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. The talks with Whitaker for Expendables are still ongoing, but it's going to be an awfully tight timeline now that Stallone is already scouting locations for a February shoot.

The Expendables is expected to arrive in theaters in 2010.

There's little denying that Sylvester Stallone and Jet Li are two of the biggest action stars of all time ... but Jason Statham? Sure, why not? At this point the guy's done three Transporters, two Cranks, a War, a Bank Job, an Italian Job and a Death Race. Hell, he's even done his own Conan-style "swords & sandals" entry, so yeah: I'd call Jason Statham one of the biggest action stars in the world. And good for him.

So where was I? Ah yes, looks like all three action stars (a hulking American, a slick Asian, and a badass Brit) are seat to team up for Millennium Film's The Expendables. If this kind of team-up sounds a little familiar, that's because Millennium pulled the same thing by getting Pacino and De Niro together (again) for Righteous Kill. Stallone will write and direct, and after that he's expected to do another Rambo sequel for the Millennium boys.

According to THR, the plot will go a little like this: "The main characters are sent to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator to liberate the population. Their team is "expendable," hired to do jobs that no one else can or will." So bascially it's Rambo teaming up with a slick Asian and a badass Brit. Sounds like fun to me, though. Nothing wrong with an ensemble action flick, and we don't see enough of those these days. Where's the Dirty Dozen and Kelly's Heroes remakes when I need them?

Welcome to Cinematical's revamped but still opinionated guide to movies on disc, whether new-fangled Blu-ray or good old fashioned DVD, Hollywood blockbusters or indie wonders, direct to video debuts or refurbished classics.

Buy: The Fall
Rent: Baby Mama, The Forbidden Kingdom, How the West Was Won
Pass: Foreign Exchange, Seed, Sarah Landon & The Paranormal Hour, Then She Found Me

Blu-ray Spotlight: Exiled, Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2, Jerry Maguire, Cool Hand Luke, Rudy
Indies on DVD: Heckler, The Last Days of Left Eye, Last House on the Beach
Collector's Corner: The Big Lebowski, Child's Play, Pumpkinhead

The Fall.
Directed by Tarsem (The Cell), this incredible visual feast, filmed over four years, imagines the fantastical, far-flung stories told to a little girl recovering from a fall in a hospital. A wild, weird trip of a flick that cries out to be replayed time and again. Extras include deleted scenes, featurettes, and audio commentaries. Of the Blu-ray edition, DVD Talk said: "Easily ranks as reference quality." Buy.

Baby Mama
The "must rent" of the week, just to luxuriate in the comedic stylings of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin SNL vet Tina Fey as she learns about compromise with baby surrogage Amy Poehler. Extras include an audio commentary with Fey, Poehler, director Michael McCullers and SNL's Lorne Michaels. Also available on Blu-ray. Rent.

Read on for many more details on this week's highlighted releases.

If you sat through all of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (not everyone did), then you saw Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh engage in a deadly sword battle -- Li as the evil resurrected Dragon Emperor and Yeoh as the good guardian of eternal life. Their skirmish was far too brief to understand why these two have enjoyed so much international success. May I invite you to set aside any fear you might have of sub-titles and enjoy the awe, power, and majesty of Li and Yeoh in their prime?

Tai Chi Master, which was released on DVD in a new Special Collector's Edition from Dragon Dynasty this past week, begins with two young monks in training at the famed Shaolin Temple. Jun Bao is younger, shorter, and kinder; Tien Bao is older, taller, and ambitious. Jun Bao grows up to be Jet Li and Tien Bao transforms into Chin Siu Ho. After they are (perhaps wrongfully) expelled from the temple, Tien Bao turns to the dark side and becomes the henchman for a powerful, evil warlord, while Jun Bao joints a group of rebels, led by Michelle Yeoh, before inventing Tai Chi (!).

Yuen Woo Ping is best known in the US as the action choreographer for The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but in the films he directed on his own (Iron Monkey, Wing Chun), the action is fully integrated into the story. Tai Chi Master is no exception; it's jam-packed with wire-assisted, incredibly intricate movement, sometimes involving dozens of acrobatic martial artists. Some purists despise "wire fu," but I'm not a purist, and Tai Chi Master is dazzling and showcases what Li and Yeoh -- and the oft-spectacular Chin -- could do.

I haven't seen the previous two movies in the Mummy series, although people have recommended them to me as rollicking old-fashioned action-adventure movies, from the same Saturday-afternoon-matinee roots as the Indiana Jones series -- not exactly brain teasers, but good silly fun. The good news is that if you too haven't seen the preceding movies, you can watch The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor without fear of getting confused or lost or not understanding the recurring characters. The bad news is that regardless of whether you've watched the other films, the third Mummy entry is a headache-inducing mess that piles on unimpressive special effects to stretch a slight and often incomprehensible storyline.

The movie begins with an extended backstory: the history of the Dragon Emperor from thousands of years ago, in which a ruthless tyrant (Jet Li) bargained with an infamous witch (Michelle Yeoh) in his ambitious drive to seek immortality. The backstory, narrated in a manner befitting the History Channel, goes on for far longer than necessary. (Hellboy II did this so much better and faster, and with cool puppetry too.) It's a full 10 minutes before the story begins and we encounter the leads from the previous Mummy films, Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and his wife Evelyn (Maria Bello this go-round), who have retired from the action business and are trying to lead humdrum lives in the English countryside.

When it comes to Hollywood movies, Chinese censors have always been a little strict. Case in point: The State Administration for Radio, Film and Television tells Variety that the upcoming release of The Mummy 3 Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is still pending until Universal makes unspecified changes to the flick. The censors didn't give any details about what would have to be cut from the film, but speculation has it that the source of the problem is "usually themes involving ghosts are taboo in China".

Emperor sets the new and improved O'Connell family (Brendan Fraser, Luke Ford, and Maria Bello) smack dab in the middle of another adventure battling a tyrannical emperor (Jet Li) and his legion of undead armies. Universal already made some concessions to the Chinese government in exchange for permission to shoot on location. According to Variety Universal was urged to make the film, "less political and more focused on fantasy than real history" -- Less political? Now that's a word I would have never associated with the Mummy franchise.

A flack for Universal has already released a statement saying, "Universal does not anticipate any obstacles to clearing the film for China and looks forward to releasing "The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor" in the country where it was set and shot." Translation: We just spent $145 million bucks on this movie, and we want some of those Chinese box-office dollars. Emperor is just the latest Hollywood production to get a rough deal from Chinese censors, but at least they are in good company. On the upside, I guess the Chinese will never know what they're missing.

The Mummy 3 Tomb of the Dragon Emperor opens on August 1st, 2008.

Four of the most exciting movie stars in the world are currently appearing in two of the least interesting new movies, taking a back seat to less interesting stars. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are master martial artists, Chan with a comedian's touch and Li with an appealing stoic quality. They team up for the first time in The Forbidden Kingdom (105 screens), a movie about a white kid and his attempt to beat up some bullies. Chow Yun-fat and Michelle Yeoh team up for the second time in The Children of Huang Shi (43 screens), about a British journalist (not played by Chow) and an Australian nurse (not played by Yeoh) saving some orphans.

Chow had a suave, cool quality that could have turned him into the next James Bond or Cary Grant, and Yeoh is a beautiful martial artist who could have become a groundbreaking feminist action star. It's a sad state of affairs, but I guess these films are the final proof of the cold, dead corpse of the Hong Kong New Wave.