kane Tagged Articles at Cinematical
Review: See No Evil
Filed under: Horror », Lionsgate Films », Theatrical Reviews »
I've never been a big fan of what's known as "professional wrestling," so please forgive me if I don't greet the big-screen debut of a rassler called Kane with much enthusiasm. I am, however, a pretty staunch supporter of the horror genre, so I did hold out some hope that WWE Films could cobble together a half-decent slasher flick. To say that that hope was misguided is an understatement on par with "Michael Jackson is mildly creepy."
WWE's debut effort (and I use the word "effort" charitably) is called See No Evil, a shamelessly derivative and helplessly inept piece of genre flotsam that rips off everything from Friday the 13th to Saw 2 -- and does so in only the most tiresome and unremarkable fashion imaginable. This flick sounds like it was written by a mommy-hating nine-year-old who just discovered the joys of pointless profanity, looks like it was shot inside of an abandoned Motel 6, and feels precisely like the cynical, careless, and flimsy piece of plagiarism it so obviously is. While some horror flicks use their gritty, grungy exteriors to set a mood and create some tension, See No Evil is more than content to wander around its unconvincing soundstage, doling out nothing but atrocious acting and/or writing, desperately hoping that a small contingent of slasher supporters and wrestling aficionados will care enough to see what the thing has to offer. (Which ain't much.)
WWE's Hollywood Takeover
Filed under: Action », Horror », Independent », Sports », Casting », Deals », Lionsgate Films », Distribution », Cinematical Indie »
Did any of you know that there is such a thing
as World Wresting Entertainment Films?! And that they've already got one movie in the can, and two others in the works?
Christ, I had NO idea. As created by WWE overlord Vince McMahon, WWE Films have the stated purpose of creating vehicles
for WWE wrestlers (oddly, they had nothing to do with Blade: Trinity, which starred a guy named Triple H), and will fully finance all projects as long as distribution
is arranged before production begins. Their first effort, a horror film called See No Evil, is due out May 19 and stars a large man called Kane; it's being distributed by Lionsgate, which also just agreed to handle WWE Film's newest project, The Condemned. Scheduled to begin shooting in a couple of weeks, the movie is another in the legion of titles that work off the Most Dangerous Game/Running Man evil-guy-hunting-humans riff. This one stars Steve Austin as a Stone Cold death row inmate who is "'purchased' by a wealthy TV producer, who pits him and nine other condemned men in a battle to the death." Vinnie Jones (soccer player, not wrestler) also stars, hopefully as the evil producer.
This is all The Rock's fault, isn't it?
Trailer Park: Running from our problems
Filed under: Trailer Trash »
Why is it so hard for us to confront our problems? Are we lazy? Do we not have the time? Is it easier to run away from a situation and create larger problems, then it is to face the music? And what's so bad about music? When I was younger, in times of moronic behavior, my parents would always tell me to just "face the music." Instead of agreeing with them, I'd stand there with a puss on my face, expecting Mom to shovel out a boom-box and blast German techno music into my ears until, eventually, I caved.
Nothing against German techno, but that was my idea of bad music. So, in order for my problems to drift away, I figured I'd have to face this music until something clicked...or hurt - like my ears. And then it hit me: As hard as it was to listen to obnoxiously loud German techno music, it was much easier to get it out of the way fast (like ripping off a band-aid) then it was to avoid. Why let this uncomfortable anger towards German techno music ruin my entire day? They have a right to express themselves. And so do I.
While the above probably makes no sense whatsoever, so does avoiding your problems. So, while I call up the Lifetime Channel and pitch them "How I Learned to be a Better Person by Listening to German Techno Music," why don't you check out the following films. Put the suicide note down, we're running from our problems on this week's Trailer Park...
Is Taylor Lautner Our Next Superhero?
100 Greatest Films Beyond the Canon
'Entourage' Movie in the Works?
Spielberg Backs Out of 'Harvey'
Discuss: Should Gay Actors Stay in the Closet?
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