If you're anything like me (lord held you), then you just can't resist a movie in which an inordinately large and aggravated animal decides to chew on a bunch of random stupid people. Doesn't matter how many "OMG it's hilarious!" comments I may see on the IMDb boards, nor does it deter me if every genre-friendly film critic stands up and screams "Dude, it's crap!"

If it's a movie about pissed-off animals eating dumb people, I've got 87 minutes to spare.

So a few months back I noticed a strange little label on a few of the more recent "nature sprinting amok" flicks: It was a little black and red skull logo with the phrase "Maneater Series" stuck on there. Oooh, a mystery! What's this "maneater series" of which this DVD case speaks? Where do they come from? Are there other films in the series? Does anyone besides me actually care?

OK, so as far as a very small amount of IMDb / Google research indicates, it looks like there are to be six Maneater Series titles in total. (Or maybe seven.) The suspects? Production company RHI Entertainment, cable network The Sci-Fi Channel, and DVD distributor Genius Products. Let's examine the flicks...

It's been so long since I last saw an X-Files episode that I haven't the tiniest recollection of how the series ended. So, it isn't surprising that I'm a little confused about the plot of the upcoming X-Files movie sequel/series spin-off. The guys at Moviehole have the scoop on some heavily spoilerific details on at least the first half hour of the untitled XF2*. Apparently it involves more aliens, a "Frankenstein-type" doctor, body snatchers, missing persons and a hostage situation being investigated by some new FBI agents we've never met before, including one who might serve the bureau as the "new Mulder". There's also another main agent character that might be played by Lance Henriksen, despite the fact that the actor has previously been on the show as his Millennium character, Frank Black. According to Moviehole, there's no sign of Mulder and Scully in the first-act synopsis given to them by "a little green man," which would certainly be a problem were it to be true.

Imagine an X-Files movie without David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Or, even one that didn't feature them prominently. Obviously, this is not the case with XF2; it's probable that they will indeed be re-introduced early on in the movie and will appear a lot throughout the first act in their own part of the grand scheme of the plot -- the synopsis shared with Moviehole is likely just the subplot that doesn't involve them, perhaps because it's being shot first and/or separately. Anyway, as always, the truth is out there, somewhere, and it's only a matter of time before we hear what the real deal is. Moviehole additionally reports that casting is currently happening in Canada, so hopefully we'll hear some news on that soon, as well. As we previously learned, the movie is supposed to begin shooting in December and is set to hit theaters next July.

*UPDATE: Apparently the plot/character details are incorrect and director Chris Carter is merely using old character descriptions in order to more-secretly cast for XF2. Thanks to all the commenters for pointing out the correction.

Maybe because Halloween is just around the corner, Hollywood has vampires on the brain. Over the last couple of weeks, it seems like any "fang-related" property is getting the green light. So just days after news of a possible Fright Night remake, another cult favorite is going to suffer the same fate -- the bad news for me is that it is one of my favorites. The Hollywood Reporter announced that Sam Bayer has been hired to direct a remake of the 1987 "Vampire Western", Near Dark. Directed by Kathryn Bigelow, the original film starred Adrian Pasdar (Heroes) as a young man who is seduced by a girl into a gang of vampires led by Lance Henriksen. Rounding out the gang were Henriksen's former Aliens cast-mates Bill Paxton and Jeanette Goldstein.

Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes will be producing the flick and Disturbia scribe Christopher B. Landon will be in charge of the rewrite. In an interview with JoBlo.com back in January, Dark's original writer, Eric Red, said that he had written a sequel but, "...the obstacles to a "NEAR DARK" prequel or sequel were similar to a proper "HITCHER" sequel. Rights issues. And crooked producer incompetence...". I guess Bay and company found a way to work it out, but opted to just do a straight remake instead. Bayer is a music video and commercial director, and has made videos for everyone from Nirvana to Justin Timberlake. Near Dark will be his first attempt at a feature film. So even if I try and look at this objectively, I can't help but think that the odds of topping the original are pretty slim.

One of the only cool things about the first AVP: Alien vs. Predator was that Lance Henriksen co-starred. Of course, he didn't play "Bishop", his beloved android character from Aliens (or even Bishop II), but it was still a nice touch to have him in there. That is why it's disappointing to hear that none of the past Alien or Predator actors will be appearing in Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. In an interview with the MTV Movies Blog, AVP2 co-directors Colin and Greg Strause revealed that they attempted to cast some surprise guests, but were unfortunately unable to do so. The brothers wouldn't name names, but said that one person sought after was too expensive -- even for a cameo? -- and another "shockingly" blew them off. Funny, because aside from Sigourney Weaver, Winona Ryder, Bill Paxton and Ian Holm, I can't imagine many of the Alien series players being too high profile that they couldn't do a fun little throwback appearance. Maybe the Strause Brothers were aiming too high, but surely they could have even made attempts for Charles S. Dutton, Ron Perlman, Veronica Cartwright, Tom Skerritt or even Paul Reiser, not to mention tons of others. And what about Carl Weathers, for the Predator way around? After seeing his recurring role in Arrested Development, I believe he would have been up for such an idea.

The Strause Brothers also discussed with MTV the title, although they didn't even mention the lame "Requiem" part. They only said that Fox is currently not into numbering their sequels and that the pluralization of "Alien" is directly referencing James Cameron's Aliens. Other highlights from the interview (as pointed out by Movieweb) include an acknowledgment that the studio -- not just the Strauses -- thought the first AVP was a disappointment for fans and that the R rating is a response to that (Colin: "I mean, we chest-burst a little kid!"), a discussion of the Alien/Predator hybrid (aka "The Predalien") and a hint that the duo want to do another sequel set in space. MTV Movies Blog has also been sharing some exclusive fight-scene photos from the upcoming sequel (out this Christmas) that are pretty neat.

You only have to visit one horror convention to understand why, twelve years after Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings hit the scene, we're now getting a pair of seriously unnecessary sequels. (Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud aired last month.) It's because horror fans are painfully loyal patrons, and they've agreed that the Pumpkinhead character is pretty damn evil, vicious and slick-looking. I suppose we can blame thank director Stan Winston for creating a low-budget 1989 monster movie that the fanbase really embraced, and (as always) those loyal fans are being summarily punished for making the original Pumpkinhead an underground hit on home video. (I actually have kind of a soft spot for Pumpkinhead 2, mindlessly entertaining trash that it is.)

Speaking of trash, Pupmkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes is every bit the infantile, obvious and amateurish affair that one would expect from a project bankrolled by the Sci-Fi Channel. I hate to say it so callously, but I'm fairly certain that the Sci-Fi Channel guys are well aware of how rotten their "original programming" movies actually are. Sure, Sci-Fi sometimes airs some really solid titles (Dog Soldiers, for example), but when you're dealing with their own stuff, you're generally dealing with the bottom of the genre barrel.

Since I never really was a fan of Alias when it was on TV, I only had a vague sense of who Michael Vartan was beyond some gossip stories surrounding his break-up with co-star Jennifer Garner and only the odd movie role. One of Vartan's last high profile roles was with Jennifer Lopez in the romantic comedy Monster in Law, as a Mama's boy caught between his fiancée and his dear old mom.

Vartan looks like he might by expanding his horizons with a new role in the horror film Worst Nightmares for director Frederick King Keller. Moviehole.net reported that Bridget Moynahan, Lance Henriksen and Greg Kinnear are also in talks to star in the film. The script was written by Shane Briant and follows a Pulitzer Prize winner who is tormented by a serial killer that murders his victims based on their worst nightmare. The killer also finds time to run a website called www.worstnightmares.com to recount his evil deeds, so I would imagine a viral site is a given for the marketing campaign. Remember when serial killers just used to stab and shoot people? Ever since Se7en, serial killer flicks seem to have gotten so complicated, what with all the ironic deaths and all. So far the cast is still up in the air, but Vartan has expressed interest in the role of the killer. Since he usually plays romantic leads in films, I'd be curious to see if he could pull it off.

Like many fans of the original film, news that Michael Bay's production company Platinum Dunes was planning to remake the 1987 contemporary western/vampire film Near Dark caused my intestines to explode made me wince. An Armageddon-esque sensibility just doesn't seem to jive with this little indie horror flick. The original film was directed by Kathryn Bigelo and starred Adrian Pasdar (currently playing a Congressional candidate who can fly on NBC's Heroes) as a young man who is bitten by and falls in with a dysfunctional vampire "family" roaming America's heartland. The vampires were played by three recent alumni of James Cameron's Aliens: Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton and Jenette Goldstein, as well as Jenny Wright and young Joshua Miller who was particularly memorable in River's Edge.

According to Sci Fi Wire, though, one person who is excited about the remake (which has been discussed previously on Cinematical) is Lance Henriksen. The veteran actor of many a horror flick and TV shows was quite tickled at the notion. "Oh, man, I hadn't heard that," Henriksen said in an interview. "It's one of my favorites, Near Dark. If they were smart, what they would do is get a hold of Bill Paxton, Jenette Goldstein and me, and do something that starts as a prequel to Near Dark. They need to have a conversation with us, because, man, Billy Paxton and I have been talking about this, about what we would do, if we did a prequel. And really great stuff came up. So it would be very wise of them to connect us."

I'm not clear on how this would work since these supposedly immortal vampires are now twenty years older than they were when the first film was shot, and Henriksen is talking prequel. Still, Bay's company could do a lot worse than get some input from the actors who originated these characters, right?

Waaaay back in April I shared the news that Pumpkinhead 3 would soon arrive from director Jake West (Evil Aliens) and actors Lance Henriksen (Near Dark) and Doug Bradley (Hellraiser), and it looks like "soon" equals October 28th ... on the Sci-Fi Channel. Ugh. I may just wait for the DVD release...

But wait, there's more! Aside from Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes, we also have a fourth chapter to (kinda) look forward to! Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud (formerly Pumpkinhead 4: Love Hurts) recently wrapped production under the eye of writer/director Mike Hurst, he of Room 6, House of the Dead 2, and Mansquito. Mr. Henriksen will be returning for Part 4, whereas Mr. Bradley will ... not. (Is that a Part 3 spoiler? Sorry.)

The Sci-Fi Channel co-bankrolled both of these flicks, and if you've seen more than four or five "Sci-Fi Originals" in your time, then you probably know what you're getting yourself into. If I'm not mistaken, these guys tried the same thing last year with Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis and Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave -- and those didn't really work out too well.

[Thanks to Bloody-Disgusting.com for the reminders.]

OK, the true-blue horror geeks can generally deal with it when you remake something like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, because everyone knows that flick, but when it comes to titles like, say, Near Dark -- we tend to get pretty protective. (It's sorta like you and that one band you loved -- years before everyone else loved 'em.) Word out of all the different horror sites (well, the three I trust, anyway) is that not only will there be a new rendition of Kathryn Bigelow & Eric Red's brilliant cult classic Near Dark, but a screenwriter has already been hired for the gig.

The good news is that Matt Venne, the guy who just turned in his screenplay for White Noise 2, seems to have his head screwed on where Near Dark Redux is concerned. As quoted at Fango, Venne says "there are images in the original film and in Eric Red and Kathryn Bigelow’s screenplay that are absolutely beautiful. Completely dreamy and captivating. Pure poetry. It’s an incredible project, and I’m honored to be writing it."

Near Dark, for those who haven't had the pleasure, is a blisteringly cool Southern-fried vampire noir from 1987 that was written by Eric (The Hitcher) Red and directed by Kathryn (Point Break) Bigelow. Although the flick features strong performances from Adrian Pasdar as one unlucky lad and Tim Thomerson as his devoted pop, the three blood-soaked standouts had just gotten done working together in Aliens. As a devilishly evil trio of bloodsuckers, Lance Henriksen, Jenette Goldstein, and Bill Paxton are just perfect together. And yes, Netflix has it.

Normally the announcement of a title like Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes would not warrant a big and excited post here at Cinematical -- mainly because sequels like Pumpkinhead 3 happen all the time, and most of 'em suck hard-boiled eggs. But not all latecoming sequels to semi-forgotten monster movies can claim to have both Lance Henriksen and Doug Bradley on their cast lists ... plus P3 will be directed by a guy named Jake West, and if you haven't seen West's Evil Aliens yet, well, you're in for a huge and splattery treat.

Bradley is known throughout the realm of Horrorland as "the guy who played Pinhead in the brilliant Hellraiser and its gradually lamer series of sequels," while Henriksen is a genre god second only to someone like Bruce Campbell or Joss Whedon. Best known for his performance as the "synthetic human" Bishop in James Cameron's Aliens, Mr. Henriksen has spent much of his career in the horror/sci-fi end of the spectrum. Despite the fact that he's appeared in movies like Dog Day Afternoon, Network, and The Right Stuff, Henriksen's most often recognized as the cop from The Terminator, the daddy vampire from Near Dark, and the cyborg who got ripped in half from Aliens.

Evil Aliens will hit R1 DVD later this year, courtesy of Image Entertainment. Pumpkinhead 3 is currently in production. (And by the way, both Pumpkinhead movies are actually pretty solid. Give 'em a rental if vengeful monsters are your thing.)