my bloody valentine 3-d Tagged Articles at Cinematical

If there's one thing that 2009's remake of '80s Canadian slasher My Bloody Valentine isn't, it's scary.

Thank goodness for us, then, that it happens to make for cheesy, corny, gimmicky, gory fun -- if only in its 3-D theatrical presentation. Director Patrick Lussier may forsake genuine suspense and tension in his quest to create an overblown small-town soap opera with no shortage of nifty kills (though they may not be enough to save the film from itself in 2-D or on DVD), but the man knows how to use today's technology to create an amplified visceral horror experience. It's low-brow entertainment with high-tech execution, and while it's anything but scary, it's also pretty much everything but scary.

Thanks to advancements in movie-going technology over the years, all one needs to view tomorrow's slasher remake, My Bloody Valentine, in three dimensions is a special pair of glasses. And according to Lionsgate's marketing department, all one needs in order to see the film in four dimensions is a set of beer goggles.

The above picture is of an online ad that I just came across while watching a video on YouTube. (Whether or not said video was a RickRoll, I'll neither confirm nor deny.) Apparently, the studio is so confident in the quality of their film that they hope young viewers over the age of 21 will stumble up to the ticket window before tossing their cookies mid-movie in an effort to create an interactive "splash zone" of sorts for some lucky viewers.

Clint Eastwood proved to one and all that he's still got it, with his Gran Torino earning the strongest opening of his career. Personally I had expected a stronger showing for Bedtime Stories in its second week, but it placed sixth. Here's the top five:

1. Gran Torino: $29.4 million
2. Bride Wars: $21 million
3. The Unborn: $19.8 million
4. Marley and Me: $11.3 million
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: $9.2 million

Four more new ones this week:

Hotel For Dogs
What's It All About: Two kids living in foster care have to find a new home for their dog. After they find an abandoned hotel they are soon housing scads of homeless canines.
Why It Might Do Well: Recent flicks like Marley and Me and Bolt show there's always room for a shaggy dog story.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Looks like a cute premise for kids, but lacks that cross-over appeal for grownups.
Number of Theaters: 3,000
Prediction: $14 million

My Bloody Valentine 3-D
What's It All About: Yes, it's another horror remake, and this time it's a slasher film from 1981 that's being recycled. A young man returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of a series of brutal killings and finds himself suspected of committing the atrocity.
Why It Might Do Well: Although it's not being used in all theaters, the 3-D effect should bring in a lot of folks who might have otherwise passed on this one.
Why It Might Not Do Well: One of the reasons remakes are so common is they allow a studio to capitalize on an existing brand. In this case, however, unless you're an old school horror fan the title won't be all that recognizable.
Number of Theaters: 2,300
Prediction: $26 million

I don't need much of an excuse to visit Austin, Texas. Find me an event that A) strings more than four movies together, and B) takes place at one of the Alamo Drafthouse movie theaters, and there's a good chance I'm checking my bank account, desperately scrambling for flight money. But despite the fact that I've done five SXSW visits, three Fantastic Fest trips, and a few more Austin journeys just for the heck of it ... I'd never attended a BNAT shindig. But I made it to the tenth annual Butt-Numb-a-Thon, and of course I had a damn good time once it got rolling.

Let's just do a quick run-through, chronologically speaking, and I'm listing just the FULL movies here. At the end I'll go over the various clips we were treated to...

Naturally, today's release of Saw V (read our review) brings with it numerous trailers for early '09 horror offerings. Earlier this week, we received the first trailer for that Friday the 13th remake (which you can see here), and now we have two others.

First up is My Bloody Valentine 3D, the crotch-targeting poster for which Scott made mention of earlier today. Lionsgate is going to have trouble actually marketing this in 3-D, as family-friendly fare continues to dominate that format; thus, we have this somewhat hokey green-band number courtesy of IGN. (For what it's worth, several little birdies who had the good fortune to see some footage recently -- in all its R-rated, three-dimensional glory -- were seriously impressed. Nothing sells quite the same as airborne eyeballs...)

Finally, there's Underworld: Rise of the Lycans: third in the franchise to date, but first in our hearts terms of story continuity. Since Rhona Mitra came to so very much resemble Kate Beckinsale in last spring's Doomsday, it only makes sense that she formally take up the mantle in the war between werewolves and vampires. Be sure to check out this recently released trailer if you also want to see what it looks like when Michael Sheen isn't feuding with the werewolf-like Nixon.

Horror fans are savvy enough to know that when a remake casts stars of teen-skewing TV shows in the leads, that can mean only one thing: the dreaded PG-13. The Hollywood Reporter says that television veteran Kerr Smith has joined the cast of My Bloody Valentine 3-D. He'll be playing Axle Palmer, and THR describes him as married to Sarah (Jaime King) and the nemesis of Tom (Jensen Ackles), which sounds villainous.

Smith was effectively creepy as a real jerk in Final Destination and I assume he'll bring some of that edgy attitude to his role as a nemesis, but he's better known for his roles on Dawson's Creek and Charmed.