naked Tagged Articles at Cinematical

Yes, I get it. Penises are not something we see every day. Oh wait, yes we do. All men (and a good deal of women) see penises every dang day, so why all the chuckling? Of course I'm referring to my recent screening of Watchmen, a film in which a big, blue demigod wanders around most of the film with his big, blue member dangling southward. The first time the oversized organ showed up in the film, I noticed a bunch of (not so) muffled chuckles, and I didn't think much of it. It's weird to see full-frontal male nudity in a mainstream film, doubly so when the wiener is all blue and slightly glowing.

But then, later in the film, the dingle shows up again and again. Director Zack Snyder even has a sequence in which THREE of the blue bullets can be seen clearly, as if to say "There! Get a good look, get the giggles out of your system, and let's move on." It didn't work. The folks at my screening were so tickled by the schlongs that they had to chuckle (firmly and audibly), as if to show a bunch of total strangers that they weren't, I dunno, aroused by the sight of three superhuman wangs. And then, just like Pavlov's dogs, they chuckled every damn time the thing popped up again. If the movie had been 14 hours long, they would have insta-chuckled at the willy another 45 times.

Now, I'm certainly no paragon of maturity, but by the 3rd or 4th time I see an onscreen tallywhacker, I've been pretty much inured to it. So why is it that fully aged and allegedly mature grown-ups are so dang uncomfortable with the sight of a penis? I never hear anyone chuckling when a vagina makes its way on to the silver screen. Just the opposite in fact: You could hear a pin drop when Sharon Stone uncrosses her legs, trust me, I was there when Basic Instinct opened, and Ms. Stone's thighs with it.

So which group were you in? The one that thought Dr. Manhattan's man-parts were the pinnacle of all things blue, circumcised, and hilarious -- or did you actually GET that a godlike character would have next to no need whatsoever for human-style clothing, shame, or insecurity -- and then you simply got on with the film?

The story behind The Greatest American Hero is getting a new spin! The Hollywood Reporter posts that Barry Sonnenfeld is gearing up to direct The How-To Guide for Saving the World, a new action comedy script written by Ben David Grabinski. However, unlike Ralph, this unknowing earthling is "a loser who discovers a book on how to prevent an alien invasion and then has to put that knowledge to use when one actually occurs." I bet the guy wishes he lived back in the '80s, when aliens would provide how-to manuals for dorky yet powerful superhero suits.

Meanwhile, "Hitchcock" is getting a whole new spin on the big screen. Variety reports that New Regency has grabbed a pitch by Nim's Island writer/directors Mark Levin and Jennifer Flackett called The Family Hitchcock -- for the pair to write, produce, and direct. The family in question won't gain lots of weight and make shadow art of themselves. Instead, they find themselves in danger when they house-swap with a family in Europe. Man, you can never trust those shifty Europeans!

And finally, Variety reports that we're soon to get another comedy called Naked. As they describe it, the film will focus on "an insurance salesman who vows to run from Santa Monica to Studio City to prove himself to his wife and save their failing marriage." I'm assuming that the word "naked" should be placed after "run," since the piece said that this script is based on Fernando Sabino's The Naked Man. If not, that's definitely not a titillating, or naked-ish, premise.

The end of the year means you'll have no shortage of movie lists to pick through ... but here's one that's just too bouncy to ignore. My old pals at MrSkin.com have (of course) come up with their list of the finest in cinematical skinematical for the year 2008. Now, before you get all huffy and stressed, it should be noted that MrSkin has always taken a rather jovial approach to movie-time nakedness. (Jovial as opposed to sleazy, is what I'm saying.) Plus, c'mon, we all love a good nude scene. Admit it. Love it enough to give MrSkin a whole lot of longtime fans. (Heck, they even played a prominent role in Knocked Up!)

But if you're scared of seeing copious cleavage or perhaps a stray butt-dimple, here's a text-based sampling of what you'll be missing: The stunning Sophie Monk in the amusing Sex & Death 101; the spunky Amy Smart re-defining "jaw-dropping" in Mirrors; plus just a few sexy peeks at Penelope Cruz, Mena Suvari, Amy Adams, and Angelina Jolie. Wanted, indeed. For a whole lot more (and a lot less clothes), check out the piece(s). And hey, there's another twenty for you TV fans. Since when is there nudity on TV? Check out the 20 film girls, in order of where they appear on the list, in the gallery below.

P.S. This is a list of female nakedness. For the other side of the equation, I challenge the women writers (and readers) of Cinematical to kick-start that roster.

Last weekend, everyone and his brother laughed and cried and kissed 10 bucks goodbye watching Admiral Squidpuss and that amazing monkey...I know, that's sour grapes, since Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was the little movie that could, and besides the monkey even has his own fanlist now. The next must-watch destination, then, is Knocked Up. And I'm creeped to go there for the simple reason that the subject matter frightens me too much. The sheer scare power of Knocked Up makes Hostel 2 look like National Lampoon's European Vacation. Another pregnancy muddled through by a couple who can't stand each other? and we're supposed to be laughing? It sounds too much like my parent's generation.

Back then you used to see couples so oddly matched, that the only way to explain how they ended up together was to compare the amount of time between the date of their wedding and the birth of their first born child. And Knocked Up is another movie, just like Waitress, that bypasses the possibility of an abortion with hardly any discussion. (People are still having 'em, you know, whether the politicians, the priests, or producers like it or not.) Which is why I'd prefer to return to a cinematic era when people actually slowed down and discussed the idea of whether or not it was a good idea to bring another hungry vulnerable kid into this global mess. Has any film mulled over those anxieties as well as Mike Leigh's 1988 comedy/tragedy High Hopes?

Recently, (actress?) Lindsay Lohan has gone on record saying she's all about taking on more serious roles. In fact (and I quote): "I want to get a nomination. I want to win an Oscar. I want to be known for more than, like, going out ... I bust my ass when I'm filming and when I have time off, yeah, I like to go out and dance." Well, the good news is that La Lohan has finally found a role in which she can utilize her strongest assets -- those being her sexy body and the desire to dance. The bad news ... well, I guess if you're a horny teenage boy, then there is no bad news here. While appearing on The David Letterman Show last night, Lohan confessed that she'll be playing a stripper in her next film, I Know Who Killed Me. Oh, and I should also mention that her character will be kidnapped, tortured and have her legs cut off. (Yup, here's where we need to do a background check on screenwriter Jeff Hammond.)

When asked more about her stripper role, Lohan said the audience will be seeing "a lot" of her, and that the pic is a "really dark, scary film." Hmm, so will Lohan be taking it all off in the name of an Oscar nomination (someone forgot to tell her that torture flicks aren't necessarily the type of material Academy voters are attracted to)? Or, will we get another Demi Moore-type performance, a la Striptease. Damn that flick! And damn you Demi! Oh c'mon, you know this film just moved up a few notches on your radar -- I mean, who wouldn't want to see La Lohan's naked disfigured attractive body dance around a pole? Heh, now all those nights out at Scores strip joint here in New York City make a whole lot more sense. She was doing research! Well guys, you won't have to hold your breath for too long, as Saw meets a naked (but more serious!) Lindsay Lohan (aka I Know Who Killed Me) arrives in theaters on July 27.

Now this is one rumor I didn't expect to end up as reality: 29-year-old actress Danielle Harris has signed on to play ill-fated babysitter Annie Brackett in Rob Zombie's Halloween reboot reimagining remake. What makes this news particularly interesting (but only if you're a serious horror nerd) is that Danielle Harris already has extensive experience battling with psycho killer Michael Myers: She played little Jamie Lloyd in both Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) and Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989). (To this day I still get both titles mixed up; can't imagine why.)

Played by Nancy Loomis in John Carpenter's original Halloween, Annie Brackett is the brunette one who ends up on the business end of a ... Oh, my bad. I almost went all spoiler-y on you. The very idea that there's a movie freak out there who hasn't seen Halloween is just too weird to imagine, but I guess it's possible.

In juicily related news, Bloody-Disgusting.com reports that in the casting paperwork, it was made pretty clear that this role would require a small amount of nakedness ... and I'm just sure that piece of information made it into the public domain by pure accident. Rob Zombie would never try to sell a movie by blatantly promising some bare breasts. (I'm kidding; of course he would.)

Still no word on who'll be playing the old Jamie Lee Curtis character, but Zombie seems to enjoy dropping new cast info on any day that ends in a Y.

Lindsay Lohan told Access Hollywood that she would never do a nude scene, because "I don't think that's what's needed to win an Oscar for me."

So would she do a nude scene in order NOT to win an Oscar? It seems to me she's not refusing to get naked for a role, she just doesn't think it's needed to win an Academy Award. What exactly would the scenario be that would coerce Lohan into going all natural? She really needs to clarify these things.