In these supposedly progressive times, gender equality is one of those touchy issues relegated to the last paragraph of a trend piece nobody reads. When Katherine Heigl suggested to Vanity Fair that Judd Apatow's movies were sexist, the assertion came across like an after-the-fact shrug of acceptance. Ever the galvanizing provocateur, New York Times critic Manohla Dargis confronts the issue head-on with a thorough analysis of the gender bias in this year's summer blockbusters.

With "Iron Man, Batman, Big Angry Green Man" and other massive expressions of virility invading the box office, female roles appear to be relegated to the back of the multiplex. Dargis touches on the rumors that Warner Bros head Jeff Robinov believes no woman has been able to sell a movie since Julia Roberts (a point that Natalie Portman might contest, but not Paris Hilton) before sizing up numerous upcoming studio releases, with particular attention paid to Anna Faris, "who could be the next Judy Holliday but without the right material will, alas, probably end up the next Brittany Murphy." It's the kind of pronouncement that hits you in gut.

I almost wrote up a fan rant this week about Paris Hilton. After a paragraph, I realized that I was stating the obvious and backed away from it all. See, she recently had an interview with MTV/VH1 where they actually noted that it was a "word-for-word" transcript in case you didn't believe it. The discussion started with Christine Lakin (her Nottie co-star) trying to explain what a primary was. Irk #1, not having the slightest clue about the political process -- and not even potentially remembering any bit of schooling I assumed she had. Why am I surprised? I don't know.

From there, it went through a bunch of b-s, and then we get to Irk #2. Farts came up, and when asked: "So, Paris, even when you're at home by yourself, you don't occasionally let one rip?" she responded with: "No! Girls don't do that. Ew." Oh yes, that's right. Our skin is always perfect, we never fart, we don't grow excess hair, and when we go to the bathroom, it's just to powder our noses, not to deal with anything unsightly. Good lord. Is it wrong of me to want to send over some flatulence fiends to torture her for days with dutch ovens?

Anyway... I need a little reassurance that the world isn't doomed when women like Paris are popular, so this double feature is about women who discover their brains and put them to good use. They're both blonde, and both have lots of success, so Paris, this is me hoping that there is still hope for you, and giving you a hint about where to start: a double feature of Clueless and Legally Blonde.

So I've been watching this whole Britney Spears drama unfold today, and it got me thinking about the kind of biopics we'll be seeing in 10-15 years; the sort of stuff that will be based on the fascinating lives people are living right now. I hate to be the one who says this -- and as much as she's a total trainwreck, I still hope she pulls through -- but are we really that far away from waking up in the morning to TMZ breaking the news of Britney Spears' unfortunate death? Yeah, you've got Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton -- two giant headaches; there's no denying that. But Spears is in a league of her own. She's right there. She's on the verge of leaving this planet ... and it's almost like the media want her to die in some absurd way because they'll have their story of the year.

And then after she dies, MSNBC will run non-stop coverage (though it's an election year, so Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood will win out in the end), interviewing the editor of In Touch Magazine 30 times throughout the day, asking them this same question: How come no one was there to help this girl out? And while the editor from In Touch Magazine talks, they'll show the same music video montage -- Britney in a school girl uniform, Britney in leather, Britney at the VMA awards. Larry King will bring on her mother. Then her father. And if he's lucky, he'll get a pregnant Jamie Lynn. The trifecta! You go Larry! The film sites (including Cinematical) will try to find a way to spin the story in a way that announces which jackass first nabs her life rights for a biopic, and that will be it. The end of Britney.

Until the day comes for a biopic. And we run through the names of a few up-and-comers trying to decide who should play Britney. I'll probably write the post, and say something like -- "I vote for Lohan, since she already knows how to sing and could probably pull off a believable Britney." And how ironic would it be if that performance is what nabs Lohan an Oscar nod? Nah ... too soon. Too soon. Maybe Jamie Lynn would play Britney, in a fitting tribute to the girl who taught her how to have stupid sex at 16. But you know what? It doesn't have to go there. Now is the time for her f**king family to drop whatever sh*t is stored in that warehouse they call an attic and get this girl some help. Because when and if it ever happens, I want Britney to star in her own biopic. And I want it to end with her smiling at the camera, with her middle finger in the air, as she goes ... "See, I survived. And f*ck you Perez Hilton!" (Only the MPAA will ask her to remove the word 'f*ck' in order to get the film down to a PG-13 rating. And we'll probably write a post about it.)

You never forget your first love ... except when she's Paris Hilton. Yes, the trailer you've all been waiting for has finally arrived online -- Paris Hilton's new romantic comedy, The Hottie & the Nottie. And you know what, if Paris Hilton was a nobody -- a random actress plucked from obscurity -- then I'd say they found the perfect girl to play the "hottie." Hilton looks pretty damn good in this trailer; definitely the kind of girl you'd imagine a guy falling for at a very young age. But then she opens her mouth ... and you want to stick a gun into yours.

Joel Moore (who I happen to kind of like some) plays this dude named Nate who, as a guy in his early twenties (I imagine), winds up running into Cristabelle (Hilton), the girl he's been in love with since the first grade. Nate really wants to "get with" Cristabelle, except there's one problem: She refuses to date anyone until her best friend, June (Christine Lakin), finds a man of her own. And June, well ... let's just say the leftover creature makeup from Alien vs. Predator was put to good use. This girl is horrific to look at, in a very loony-tune sort of way. So now Nate has one giant obstacle in front of him: Find June a guy, and he gets Cristabelle. Of course Nate has the wacky best friend who gives him tons of bad advice, and the trailer doesn't allow Hilton to say too much -- they just parade her around in one tight outfit after another. The film arrives in theaters on February 8, just in time for Valentine's Day. God bless you if you buy a ticket for it. And check out the trailer above, or over on the film's official website.

Variety reports that Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga (The Departed) have joined the cast of Dark Castle's Orphan. In a nod to Bad Seeds everywhere, the film focuses on a young couple (Sarsgaard and Farmiga) that have recently lost a child and decide to adopt a young girl to fill the void. Of course, nothing is ever that easy and the girl "is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be". David Leslie, a relative newcomer, wrote the screenplay based off an idea by Alex Mace. Already signed to direct is House of Wax helmer, Jaume Collet-Serra. Serra started off directing TV commercials and music videos, and Wax was his first big-budget production. Orphan seems like a definite step up for Serra; when your casting pool goes from Paris Hilton to Peter Sarsgaard you must be doing something right.

Sarsgaard has already completed the Philip Roth adaptation Elegy with Penelope Cruz, and is wrapping up work on two more literary adaptations. First up is In the Electric Mist; based on James Lee Burke's novel about "A detective in the deep South is led into a series of surreal encounters with a troop of Confederate soldiers" and Michael Chabon's The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. Farmiga is currently filming Nothing But The Truth, a political drama with Kate Beckinsale and will next star in a literary adaptation of her own called The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas for Mark Herman (Brassed Off). Orphan is set to start shooting next week on location in Toronto and Montreal, Canada.

While they might be all sorts of succulent and tasty, poultry gets the crappy end of the slang stick. The chicken is the coward, and instead of a platter signifying all things delectable, turkeys are considered the foolish and often useless. To top that off -- when turkeys hit the celebrity realm, well, they're usually also box office bombs. In honor of our never-ending love of celebrity gossip, train-wrecks, and disaster stories, I present you with seven tasty turkeys in honor of our upcoming turkey day. Many are just a gross waste of potential, and some, I'm sure you'll agree, don't even have half the potential that studios give them credit for. Whatever the reason, they're all riding the stinker train.

Gobble, gobble!


Paris Hilton

She's mocked by many, loved by few, but Paris Hilton seems to be able to outlast even the little train that could. Prison didn't stop her, and neither do crappy movies. Working backwards: Pledge This! was so very bad that it's pretty much off the radar; the same goes for Bottoms Up; House of Wax did alright, but doesn't hold the moviegoer love; and, which Hillz? Yet somehow, somewhere, she got cast in Repo! The Genetic Opera!, which let her loose on the streets of Toronto to gripe over sex tape woes. We keep waiting for her to fall, or go away, but I'm starting to think that this super-skinny turkey is here to stay. She's like one of those inflatable boxing stand-ups that somehow swings its way upright each and every time.

Rogue

I don't care how many times they push it back, or how much potential for hackneyed disaster there is in a film about a killer crocodile -- I'm looking forward to Rogue, mostly because there was a lot that impressed me about Greg Mclean's debut film, 2005's Wolf Creek. For one thing, it was bold enough to defy several horror cliches, such as foreshadowing dread in the early scenes -- the first thirty minutes of Wolf Creek could be part of an Aussie road drip dramedy, with three aimless kids taking their rickety car way too far into unsafe areas of the Outback. It's also a film that's completely unrelenting in the psychic trauma it wants to inflict on the audience. By the time the slaughtering starts, we know these characters -- we care about them. Frankly, Mclean seems like he'd be completely bored with making a standard slasher/monster film with paper-thin characters. Therefore, I'm going to be first in line for his killer croc movie, and wait for my enthusiasm to blow up in my face.

Friday the 13th

I have no idea if this will get to theaters by late 2008, but I know that Platinum Dunes does have the gears grinding, so it's a possibility. In fact, a little birdie recently told me something hilarious -- Corey Feldman went in and pitched himself as the star of this thing. For those who don't remember, Feldman played Vorhees foe Tommy Jarvis in two installments of the original series, and he apparently had designs on making the Friday remake his newest comeback vehicle. There's really nothing you can do with Jason at this point other than remake him, but how? Word is that PD wants the remake to feature both Jason and his trademark mask -- two elements that didn't congeal until Part III of the original series, so I'm imagining a smelting together of the first three films, set in modern day and with a lot of in-jokes. I guess it will be a film about a little boy who drowns in a lake and immediately morphs into an overgrown, lumbering killer with a machete. Sounds intriguing.

For months I had been checking the Once More with Feeling Sing Along rss feed, waiting for the word "Toronto" to pop up, eternally hopeful that at some point I'd get some Buffy with a taste of Rocky Horror. Those dreams were dashed when the project got into hot water, but now there's something to dull the pain of this loss. Yes, fellow Buffy fans, footage from Repo! The Genetic Opera has been released, and it's got some great shots of a singing Tony Head, which have sent me into a fangirl glee. To refresh your memory -- this is the genetic repossession musical that first got Paul Sorvino and Alexa Vega, and then followed with the surprise casting of Paris Hilton, and then gave us a wonderful Giles cherry when Head joined the cast as the Repo Man last month.

The song clip was screened as part of the 2007 Scream Awards, and now part of it has popped up online over at YouTube. But have no fear -- even if it gets taken down, you can see it with a much better resolution tomorrow night when the Spike channel airs the awards at 10 PM. If the clip is any indication of the whole, this should be a pretty big and successful movie. It's got a sort of dark, metal, industrial feel, and the part that is online shows Head getting ready to take back some body parts, collecting his surgical instruments and throwing on an ominous costume while belting out some lyrics along with other fellow cast members. Oh, the beauty! And oh, how I wish I could watch this sucker be put together. Bloody Disgusting, however, did (lucky b*stards!), and has been gathering a decent collection of information. But best of all - we won't have too long to wait to see it -- the movie is set to be released on April 25 of next year!

[via Horror-Movies]

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means -- time for The Write Stuff! This week Cinematical spoke with screenwriter Captain Mauzner. Mauzner has an interesting perspective on screenwriting because he's written two major films based on true events and actual people. He co-wrote 2003's Wonderland -- the story of the infamous "Wonderland Murders," which starred Val Kilmer as legendary porn star John Holmes. And he wrote last year's Factory Girl, the tale of Edie Sedgwick (played by Sienna Miller), Andy Warhol (Guy Pearce), and a Dylanesque "Musician" played by Hayden Christensen. We spoke about Mauzner's scripts, process, and the trickiness of writing scripts based on fact.

Cinematical: Are you working on anything right now?

Captain Mauzner: I am working on something right now, yeah. I'm adapting a book. It's a small book, it's called The Food Chain, by Geoff Nicholson. A friend of mine runs a small company and I'm adapting it with the hopes of directing it. It's kind of about food, sex, and cannibalism. Revenge, food, sex, and cannibalism.

Cinematical: Well, alright!

CM: It's a little dark comedy. It's fun. And what was nice about it was -- I've written so many things and a lot of them are true life stories, and they all seem to be about kind of deplorable human beings. And I think that my comfort zone is really kind of in the dark side -- the drug addicts, the deviants. And I think that as I've kind of gotten older and left that world myself, I guess you could say I've become less and less interested in it. You see these movies like Wonderland and Factory Girl and you could say "oh, they're like an argument against doing drugs." But I know for myself, there's always a glamorizing element to it. And as much as you want to say this is the downfall of these people, which it is -- and obviously there's nothing glamorous about the drug lifestyle, or the party lifestyle because it does lead to bad things. But just the act of writing about it or making these the main characters or trying to explain these people, I feel like that somewhat glamorizes it, or at least in my mind it was very glamorous. I had a very romantic notion, at like 14-years-old I discovered Bukowski and I was kind of off to the races. So I think that as I get older I'm ready to move on to maybe something light and happy. My family's always like "Why can't you write something that we can take Grandma to?"

Cinematical: So do you find when you're writing about drugs and debauchery, that you're not looking to condemn it and point a finger, you're just looking to present it and let the audience decide?

CM: Absolutely. I'm not looking to condemn it at all. I'm not looking to be moral about it. I believe in experimentation. I believe in doing kind of what you want and not having anybody else tell you what to do. I think that my fascination with it is always the "why." Why do people do this? I think that's kind of the fun of being able to do those kind of things is that you can live kind of vicariously through these people, and try to figure out the "why" without being judgmental.

Celebrities all over the place are going green. Every day there is a new eco story popping up. Cate Blanchett has become an environmental stickler in her home, with efforts that include installing 2-minute timers on on her shower. (This attempt is, no doubt, helped by the fact she has stylists and the like to keep her looking fresh.) There's Sarah Michelle Gellar who rides a pink bike around, and uses reusable bags for Whole Foods discounts. And some, like Adrian Grenier, coach others on how to be more green, like his tutorials for Paris Hilton. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees these stories and spots the imbalance between an actor's work and their personal causes.

The Telegraph posted an article yesterday calling Hollywood out on being one of the biggest polluters in soCal, whilst performing "eco-friendly gestures [that are] simply showy stunts that make little difference." It sites a two-year study performed by the University of California at Los Angeles, which found that production aspects like explosions and idling vehicles are only beat by the oil industry in regards to polluting emissions. But there's also the garbage -- the sets that get built and destroyed and everything else that's necessary to create a faux world.

Warner Brothers is finally starting to recycle sets, which is a plus, and other productions try to balance their negative environmental impact with positive action -- the Evan Almighty production planted "2,000 trees to 'zero out' its greenhouse gas production." But as Ed Begley Jr. says: "If you're going to drive around in a big ol' Hummer and then buy carbon offsets to mitigate that, that's like getting drunk on the weekends and throwing some money through the window of an AA meeting and thinking you're doing something." What do you think? Do the environmentalist acts of actors mean anything when they're in a resource-sucking industry? What can Hollywood do when it relies so much on energy and materials?