As I departed the theater after a screening of Unaccompanied Minors and set off for the long train ride home, I attempted to let the film sit with me for a little while before forming an opinion. However, one other movie kept gnawing at me, and no matter how hard I tried those Goonies wouldn't leave me alone. Really, the only thing both films have in common is that they focus on a group of teenage misfits, each with their own bizarre idiosyncrasies, who are desperately trying to allude a common enemy. Aside from that they're completely different in every way, shape or form.

Yet, part of what makes flicks like The Goonies so special and memorable is that the actors, while only teenagers, do a tremendous job of not only convincing us they are these characters, but also making us feel -- we sympathize, we root and we run right alongside them until the very last frame. Now, if you take The Goonies, strip anything even remotely adventurous and free-spirited about it, then wrap the entire thing in plastic -- the kind your grandmother uses to keep her living room furniture stain free -- then you'll wind up with Unaccompanied Minors, a film so formulaic, rehearsed and polished that it would make a great companion next to that fake basket of fruit on grandma's dining room table.

From the very beginning I was really behind this project: A comedy (from the man behind Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared) based on a rather amusing story called Babysitting (which you can still hear on This American Life) about a bunch of kids who get stuck in a snowed-in airport during Christmas Eve -- sounds pretty promising, right? And then I heard that folks like Paget Brewster, Jessica Walter, B.J. Novak, David Koechner, Tony Hale, Lewis Black and Rob Corddry were among the "grown-up" cast members, and my enthusiasm for the movie doubled in a heartbeat.

And then I watched this trailer. If you can watch this thing and not think "Home Alone Times Six," then you've probably never seen Home Alone three times like I have.

Now, maybe I'm just a victim of overzealous and misleading advertising ... but this movie looks like a 12-ton migraine of monumental proportions! And the jokes! How about a nice overlong belllllch or that reliable old "ouch that high-five secretly really hurt!" grimace? Some little brat punching Santa in the belly? A kid comically choking on an inflatable life-jacket? The air-duct ceiling-crash cribbed from The Breakfast Club? Silly dancing, slapstick security guards and a kid inside a suitcase being bashed around the room?? What the hell is going on here?

Of course this sort of simplistic physical schtick is by no means a surprise ... if we were talking about someone like Brian Levant or Don Rhymer or (dear lord) Steve Carr, but from Paul Feig? The guy who put so much heart and soul and warmth (AND comedy) into Freaks & Geeks AND Undeclared? And directed episodes of The Office and Arrested Development?? Ugh, how disappointing. I guess the Nielsen ratings on both of his babies taught Paul Feig an important lesson: Heart doesn't sell -- and fart does.

Anyway, here's where you can check out the trailer and one specific scene from the flick, and here's the official site for those who enjoy picking through character bios, photo galleries, video interviews and production notes. Of course I'm still quite interested in seeing the movie, and obviously I'll give the thing a perfectly fair shake, but based on this trailer ... I'm just pretty much stunned.

There's no doubt about it -- I am a huge Paul Feig fan. Most people have no idea who the man is, but if you're at all familiar with Freaks and Geeks, The Office, Arrested Development and Undeclared, then you're familiar with his work. For those of you who dig awkward childhood stories, I will also suggest reading Feig's book Kick Me -- simply hilarious stuff right there. Recently, Feig left the world of television to get his feet wet directing feature films -- his second, Unaccompanied Minors, is due out December 8.

Well, Warner Bros. is so happy with Minors, they've just signed Feig to do another film for the studio, one he will re-write and eventually direct. It's called Smooth Operator, and Feig describes it as "a high-tech version of Cyrano ... or like a Hitch-meets-Rush Hour." Story revolves around a pimped out CIA agent who's placed in charge of training a computer nerd on how to seduce a female operative. As you can imagine, the nerd needs a little bit of help in that area. And who better to tackle nerds than Paul Feig.

One of the things Feig intends to do with the script is beef up the physical comedy, something he's not so accustomed to -- obviously, from looking at his prior work, the man is more about character and less about pies to the face. It will also be the first time Feig adds a bit of action to his repertoire. However, he goes on to say, "I am first and foremost into character writing but the last few years I've wanted to try to bring back stuff I used to watch, movies from John Hughes, Blake Edwards, and stuff like the Three Stooges." It should be interesting to see if he succeeds ... I know my fingers are crossed.

So I'm standing on the subway platform the other day, minding my own, when I just happen to make eye contact with a fellow male human being standing nearby. Suddenly (and for no apparent reason), the dude moves in a bit closer and says, "Yeah, and what's your problem?"

At first, being the sarcastic pain in the ass that I am, I wanted to reply with something along the lines of, "Well, to be honest with you I'm moving in a week, work is pretty hectic, I need to decide which films I'll be seeing at the New York Film Festival and, oh -- for some reason my groin hurts. Perhaps I have a groin pull, then again I thought stuff like that only happened to professional athletes." However, since I wasn't in the mood to rumble, I simply ignored the man, turned around and walked away. Funny, I think he had more problems than me.

As you can imagine, all of the following films feature characters who either have or are about to have some serious problems. Yeah, so what's your problem? Welcome to another edition of Trailer Park: