postal Tagged Articles at Cinematical

(We're re-posting our Postal review from Fantastic Fest in conjunction with the film's theatrical release this weekend.)

There's been a little pre-release buzz on this Postal flick, most of which seems to focus on the assertion that it's either A) Uwe Boll's best film yet, or B) Uwe Boll's first good movie. Well, considering that we're talking about the guy who directed House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne, "best film yet" doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot. And as far as Uwe's "first good movie" is concerned, well, I suppose we'll have to keep on waiting for that one to show up. The only difference between Postal and Boll's other films is that this one tries to be funny on purpose (and fails), whereas the other three try to be serious while delivering huge laughs.

Based on the popular video game, Postal is about a generic schlub who gradually loses his cool and eventually explodes into a violent lunatic. Imagine the Michael Douglas film Falling Down, only the screenplay was done with finger-paints, and that's pretty much what Postal is "about." There's a whole lot of mirthless wheel-spinning that focuses on stolen dolls, goofy terrorists and freaky cults, but nothing that really assumes the mantle of "central plot." Aside from one good gag in the opening scene, a creatively bizarre closing shot, one strong performance and a (very) small collection of slightly amusing (gross-out or shock value) gags, Postal is every bit as awful as Mr. Boll's earlier output.

Uwe Boll's latest "masterpiece" Postal was scheduled to open next weekend in 1500 theaters, deliberately going up against Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. But, according to a story at Cinema Blend, Boll's people issued a release this morning claiming that U.S. distributors have dropped the film and that it will only be released on four screens. An additional source says the film will open in five cities: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Denver and Tucson. Boll claims that he has even tried to rent additional screens, but to no avail.

Typically, the outspoken, outrageous director is calling it a conspiracy, the latest example of everyone being out to get him. He also says, "Theatrical distributors are boycotting 'Postal' because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid."

Frankly, that's highly unlikely, just as it's unlikely that the film is being canceled because it's bad. The most likely reason is that none of Boll's films have ever turned a profit, unlike films by bad directors like Michael Bay, Eli Roth and Brett Ratner, who are moneymaking machines, despite their ineptitude. Postal stars Zack Ward as "Dude," who teams up with his cult leader uncle (Dave Foley) to heist an amusement park. Unfortunately, the Taliban(!) has the same idea at the same time. Of course, George W. Bush (Brent Mendenhall) and Osama bin Laden (Larry Thomas) also appear. Like Boll's other films, it's based on a video game.

Not for nothing, but this could be the oddest piece of movie marketing I've ever seen. So we already know there's a petition out there to stop Uwe Boll from making films, and this came about after the infamous director told FEARNet that he'd quit making films if one million people signed a petition. For about a week or so, a number of people tried to capitalize off the dude's ridiculous antics, and Boll even viewed the whole thing as pretty good (and free) press since his new film Postal was debuting on May 23.

Cut to today: Cinematical received a press release in our inbox letting us know that Stride Gum is now "supporting the efforts of StopUweBoll.org in their attempt to convince famed film director Uwe Boll to stop making video game-based films." Oh yes, Stride Gum. Makers of ... gum. And if one million people sign this petition by May 23rd (opening day for Postal), then all one million folks will receive a digital coupon for a free pack of gum. Wait, I don't know if you were paying attention just then -- I said a FREE PACK OF GUM!

Seems odd that this promotion would coincide with the opening day of Boll's latest film, which, honestly, leads me to believe that Stride Gum is helping to promote Postal by supporting a petition calling for that film's director to quit the industry. I've seen filmmakers do some weird things before (including Uwe Boll), but this has to take the cake. Yeah, so sign the petition and look out for that free pack of gum.

(And don't thank us ... we're just doing our job.)

You might remember how the other day Cinematical and FEARnet writer Scott Weinberg clued us all in to an interview FEARnet conducted with the infamous director Uwe Boll. Shortly after our post hit, it quickly made its way all over the web -- with thousands upon thousands of people signing a petition to stop Boll from making anymore movies. See, in the interview he said he'd stop if the petition was signed by one million people. Not sure if he knew this at the time, but the internet loves a challenge.

Well, now, Boll has put out a video asking fans to start up a pro-Boll petition. Oh yes, and he wants one million folks to sign that as well. I love this guy -- hearing him, he sounds like the bizarro Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why does he want you to sign a pro-Boll petition? Well, because -- and I quote -- he's "not a f**king retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business ... or Eli Roth making the same sh**ty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies, you will see my real genius."

He's definitely a unique individual -- I'll give him that. Then again, this could be wonderful promotion for his next film Postal, which comes out in May. Hmmm ... maybe Boll is a genius. Check out his scathing video message after the jump (and, yes, it's probably NSFW).

[Thanks Anthony]

What's worse: delusions of grandeur or delusions of adequacy? In an e-mail release designed to make you ponder that very question, shared by the horror and exploitation mavens at Bloody Disgusting, Uwe Boll (the videogame-adapting, one-man mediocrity machine who's never met a stunt he didn't love) has announced that his latest opus, Postal (reviewed here by our own Scott Weinberg) will be opening May 23rd. That puts it head-to-head with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Bloody Disgusting reprinted excerpts from Boll's e-mail, which are as incoherent as they are enthusiastic. Boll first offers that "On the Indiana Jones weekend -- May 23 -- we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up."

Boll then offers a trenchant critique of Spielberg's recent efforts: "Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the f**k the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!" Finally: A writer-director-showman we can come together around ... and hate even more than Troma's Lloyd Kaufman. There's not a snowball's chance Postal will beat Crystal Skull, of course ... but is there even a dim chance that his counter-programming strategy will draw hipster audiences eager to avoid Indy's lines of doom?

It's the end of an era, a ridiculous one, but an era nonetheless. It's pretty much an amazing feat that Uwe Boll has made it this long -- between critical ravaging, box office stinkers, and the fiery need to physically beat naysayers. Now, well, the big-money reign is over. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Uwe Boll is leaving big-budget pictures behind and will return to low-budget movies after his $70 million movie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, completely bombed at the box office.

Very luckily for Boll, these aren't the sort of films he wants to do anyway. Boll says: "In the future, I will focus on small films such as (the video game adaptation) Postal or (the Vietnam war drama) Tunnel Rats. These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets." Phew! What a blessing in disguise for him (as well as for us). I mean, if having lots of money to make his movies was his true passion, this new development would really suck. Good thing his last three flicks tanked.

With his passion restored, what's next? There's more than just Postal and Tunnel Rats. He says that he's lined up Zombie Massacre for Boll Massacre #57896.

Although I'm in no way an expert on all things Uwe Boll, I can't help but get a kick out of this guy and the way he goes after the media. Remember how, last year, he challenged a bunch of journalists to a boxing match in order to prove that ... his films don't suck? I have no idea -- either the guy is completely insane, or he's a marketing genius. I mean, in the last year you'll find more Uwe Boll-related posts on Cinematical than stuff about A-listers like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Tom Cruise. Our own Scott Weinberg could talk Boll all day long. Me? I'll just get straight to the facts.

Apparently, Wired Magazine attended the premiere for Boll's latest flick Postal and, like any magazine would do, they wrote a piece on the premiere and the film, but did so in a very entertaining way. Here's an excerpt, in which author Chris Kohler describes the film's story as being about "a guy shooting a bunch of people in order to stop Al Qaeda and a religious cult led by Dave Foley from unleashing on the world a batch of avian bird flu hidden in a shipment of penis-shaped children's toys voiced by Verne Troyer (pull the string and it says 'only my father and my priest can touch me there!')" Um, wow. I don't even know how to respond to that. Luckily, I don't have to -- because Boll (in all his maniacal glory) went after Wired with a string of poorly-written emails, attacking the mag and Kohler for writing what they did.

Since I provided you with an excerpt from Kohler's piece, it's only right I do the same for Boll's first email. Here's a sample: "your review shows me only that you dont understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you dont see courage because you are nothing. and no go to your mum and fu*k her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it." Yup. That's Boll for ya. And if you think he's lost it, my spell-check just looked at me as if I was completely out of my fu*king mind. Feel free to head on over to Wired to read the rest of this exchange, which has apparently ended with Boll agreeing to do an interview with them. They've promised the interview for later in the week, so stay tuned ...

When Uwe Boll needed House of the Dead to be distributed in North America, he went to Artisan. (For the record, Artisan is now extinct.) For Alone in the Dark he went with Lionsgate, and they learned their lesson pretty fast. When it came time for BloodRayne, Boll had a fiasco with a company called Romar. But for his next three films, all of which are already "in the can" (and man can he really crank those movies out!), Dr. Boll has signed a deal with Freestyle Releasing, distributor of titles like Find Me Guilty, Civic Duty and Dirty Deeds.

Those who've been eagerly anticipating the star-studded Dungeon Siege flick will have to wait until January 18 of next year. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Freestyle and Boll are planning a 2,500 screen release and they plan to spend about $20 million in marketing. (Yeah, but it's still coming out in the middle of January, and we all know what that means.) For those who love goofy ensembles, I'll remind you that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (the title reeks of future sequels, doesn't it?) stars Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Matthew Lillard, John Rhys-Davies, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken and Burt Reynolds as King Konreid. Seriously, I can't wait.

We won't have to wait as long for Uwe Boll's Postal adaptation, which Freestyle plans to release in 500 theaters on September 28. That one's a Troma-lookin' splat-sick type of comedy that stars Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Seymour Cassel and Verne Troyer as himself. As far as the hardcore horror flick Seed is concerned, no date is set just yet, but Freestyle seems to be aiming for early next year. (And if they release the movie as "Uwe Boll's Seed" I simply won't go see it. That's just gross.)

Freestyle co-president Marke Borde had this to say about the three-flick deal: "I don't chase movies based on video games and any pre-awareness that those franchises might have with an audience. I chase movies that are good."

No comment.

While we all know that the notorious director Uwe Boll likes to act a little nutty now and then, I don't think anyone could have seen this coming. Boll is attempting to auction off a role in his new film Far Cry on eBay. This is just the latest in a series of console-based entertainment that Boll just can't seem to stay away from. Up for grabs is an undisclosed role for the low price of a little over $3000, but you will have to cover your own travel and accommodations. The film is based on UBI Soft's first-person shooter game about an ex-special forces agent for hire stranded on a mysterious island out to rescue his client; the plucky female photojournalist Valerie Constantine. So far, the only casting we have from the film was the rumored addition of Til Schweiger, but that has yet to be confirmed.

Whether the auction is a desperate attempt for publicity or a genuine casting crisis, when it comes to Boll nothing should surprise us. One of his latest films (and there does seem to be an awful lot of them), Postal, managed to offend just about everyone with a gag about 9/11. So in the history of Boll's publicity stunts, auctioning off a movie role might not seem so bad, right? But here's where it gets a little embarrassing: so far Boll has pulled in zero bids. It almost makes you feel sorry for the guy, but then I remember that Bloodrayne 2 teaser and the feeling passes.

[via Kotaku]

If you don't already have Twitch wedged into your browser under the "movie blogs" tab, then you're nuts. And speaking of "nuts," said the master of the subtle segue, Twitchmaster Todd Brown recently had a chance to see the latest piece of cinematic lunacy from Uwe Boll. Yep, not only do they have a full-bore (and very well-argued) review of Postal ... they actually liked it, too! Todd says it's actually funny! Funny on purpose, I mean!

Boll-bashers will no doubt want to read Mr. Brown's review for themselves, but here's a sampling of the man's (admittedly astonished) opinions: "It is brash, bold, smart when called for and stupid when required and - most importantly - it is frequently and intentionally laugh out loud funny." (Intentionally? Uwe Boll? I'll believe it when I see it.) "For a film of this type Postal is an unqualified success, a film that knows what it wants to be and hits all of its marks." (Are we talking about the movie that "has fun" with planes crashing into the World Trade Center?) "I can't remember the last film that made me laugh this hard." (Harder than BloodRayne? I can't wait.)

Still no word on when Postal (or Seed or Dungeon Siege or BloodRayne 2) will be available for U.S. viewing, but if I was just "normally Boll-curious" before reading Mr. Brown's opinions -- I'm now officially fascinated by this flick. Twitch is a reputable blog with several solid writers, so there's no way I could dismiss this piece as something written by a fanboy Boll-backer ... but forgive me if I'm still more than a little skeptical.