I absolutely adore Jack Arnold's The Incredible Shrinking Man. I think it's without question one of the finest science fiction movies ever made. Not only does it have an endlessly fascinating story, but the 1957 film is also smart, sad and scary ... plus it has one of the most wonderfully thought-provoking endings I've ever seen. And since I love this movie so darn much, I couldn't stop weeping as I read this recent news piece at The Hollywood Reporter...

Not only is Universal (stupidly) intent on turning The Incredible Shrinking Man into a comedy (because that worked so damn well on The Stepford Wives), and not only are they planning to give the lead role to Eddie Murphy ... but things just got a whole lot worse. First off, the newest screenwriters to climb on board are Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant, two guys who proved their comedy chops on The State and Reno 911 -- and then obliterated those chops by writing the screenplays for Herbie: Fully Loaded, Taxi, Balls of Fury, Night at the Museum, The Pacifier and Let's Go to Prison. Surely these are the men who should re-write one of the best sci-fi movies ever made.

Oh, but it gets even better! Although Keenan Ivory Wayans and Pete Segal had been attached to the project at one point or another, it looks like Universal now wants Brett Ratner to direct this horrid idea. Now, I'm not one of those film nerds who thinks that Brett Ratner is the worst director ever born (far from it, actually), but nor do I think he's all that exciting of a filmmaker. I just can't believe that such a beautiful little sci-fi gem is being morphed into this sort of misguided train wreck.

OK, this is now moving beyond ridiculous and venturing somewheres towards Planet Absurd. Obviously I can see the creative / financial appeal in remaking something like Halloween, Dawn of the Dead or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. On the creative side you get to play around with one of the grand-daddies of the horror genre ... and hopefully you've got something new to add to the mix. On the financial side, remakes with semi-familiar titles like Prom Night, When a Stranger Calls, The Fog and The Hitcher are a quick way to turn a relatively easy dollar.

But a few of these remakes just boggle my mind. It's not a half-bad remake, but someone actually made another version of The Toolbox Murders a few years back. I guess I'm just surprised to learn that someone else besides me actually remembers movies like The Toolbox Murders, The Wizard of Gore, and The House on Sorority Row ... and not only remembers 'em, but wants to remake 'em!

Yes, the latest wacky word from the horror sites (beginning at Fangoria, I believe) is that the justifiably obscure 1983 slasher flick The House on Sorority Row is the next flick to be tossed into the remake mill. Written and directed by Mark Rosman (who ultimately went on to direct a lot of Hilary Duff stuff), HOSR is about a bunch of college girls who get slashed up after they cover up an accidental death. Surely a plot like this simply screams for a remake. According to Fango (and a website called TrackingB.com), the screenwriting team of Josh Stolberg and Pete Goldfinger are on the job. They just finished writing the Piranha remake for Dimension, so I assume they'll soon be remaking Spasms, Humongous, and The Final Terror.

My affection for the fantastic Spanish horror flick [REC] has been well-documented at this very website (and elsewhere), but now it's time to throw a little spotlight towards (you guessed it) the remake. I refuse to allow my enthusiasm for the first movie to foster an unkind perspective towards the remake, but basically ... if Quarantine is only half as good as [REC], then it's already twice as good as most studio-sponsored horror flicks.

Second studio flick from newcomer John Dowdle (his The Poughkeepsie Tapes is complete, but currently stuck on a shelf at MGM right now), Quarantine is about the horrors that go down when a news crew, some rescue workers and a bunch of clueless tenants are locked inside of an apartment building. (I'm not spoiling a thing, but let's say things get zombiefied.) The directors of the original flick had a lot of fun playing games with the "found footage" approach, and I'm hoping the American version will been able to capture some of [REC]'s choppy charm.

Quarantine doesn't arrive until October, but you can check out the brand-new teaser trailer over at UGO.com. You won't see much of the cast in the teaser clip, but trust me when I say the movie features Jennifer Carpenter, Johnathon Schaech, Greg Germann and Jay Hernandez. (And here's a photo gallery!) Regarding the new promo clip, I'd say this: Those who've seen the original film will find little here that's new -- nor will they find anything to get all irritated about, either. And that's a good thing.

If Tobe Hooper's Steven Spielberg's Poltergeist opened today, it would almost definitely earn a PG-13 rating. Earlier this year we were treated to a very entertainingly creepy monster movie called Cloverfield -- which was also rated PG-13. So we know it CAN be done. Despite what the horror fans have been conditioned to believe recently, it IS possible to make an effective horror movie that's not rated R.

But it sure as hell won't happen this week, as the latest no-effort PG-13 remake to lurch off of the assembly line is called Prom Night, and it's easily one of the flimsiest movies I've ever seen. The entire film absolutely reeks of corporatized product, and nobody involved in the flick (from director Nelson McCormick and screenwriter J.S. Cardone to just about every bored actor onscreen) seems even remotely interested in making, y'know, a half-decent movie. No, Prom Night exists for one reason only: To snatch some of that babysitting money from the 15-year-old girls of the planet. (I should know. I sat behind nine of 'em as Prom Night unspooled, and not one of 'em was paying as much attention to the screen as they were their cell phones.)

For every beast you need a beauty, right? We just heard from Scott Weinberg that the very cool "giant guy" Derek Mears has been cast as Jason Voorhees in the upcoming new version of Friday the 13th. Before that, Jared Padalecki was selected to play a leading role as someone who investigates the murderous activities at Crystal Lake. But to really jump start the franchise, the movie badly needs a hot chick talented actress to amp up the action. Will Amanda Righetti fit the bill?

Variety is reporting that Righetti is in "final negotiations" to play the female lead. Will she play the "final girl"? That would fit the pattern of the female leads in the other Friday the 13th movies. She could join a small, illustrious list that includes Adrienne King, Amy Steel, Dana Kimmell, Kimberly Beck, etc. Righetti has been steadily building her career, mostly in glossy TV shows (The O.C., North Shore). She has the good looks and steely thesping ability that "final girl" requires. To see more of Righetti, in more ways than one, check out the awesome cheese that is Angel Blade.

Production company Platinum Dunes has signed Marcus Nispel to direct, and I join Scott W. in his minority opinion regarding Nispel's work on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake -- that flick freaked me out for reasons I don't really want to explore too deeply. Filming on Friday the 13th begins on April 21 in Austin, Texas.

Last September was when Jessica shared the news about Mick Garris helming a remake of the 1979 horror flick Thirst -- and then we stopped hearing things. Until now! Here's some rather cool news: Not only has Mr. Garris moved on to do something different (a Stephen King adaptation, imagine that), but it looks like flick fanboy favorite Joe Dante will be settling into the director's chair!

Forgive the exclamation point, but I've been a huge Joe Dante fan since I was old enough to run the VHS all by myself. (For those with short memories: Joe Dante directed Piranha, The Howling, Explorers. Innerspace, both Gremlins, the best segment of the Twilight Zone movie, two episodes of Police Squad, and a whole bunch of other colorful stuff.) Dante's last effort was the under-appreciated Looney Tunes: Back in Action, but according to Fangoria, the veteran flick-maker will be at the helm of Thirst, which is a remake of a fairly obscure Australian thriller that came from director Rod Hardy and screenwriter John Pinkney. It told the story of a vicious cult full of blood-lovers.

Obviously Thirst is a movie I need to rent, because I don't think I've ever seen it! (How embarrassing.) More news on Joe Dante's newest venture when it comes across the wire.

A few years back I was lucky enough to spend a few days on the set of The Hills Have Eyes 2. I hate to say that I thought the final product was pretty ... meh, but the 2.5 days I spent on the set in Morocco were something pretty special. Among the many actors, stuntpeople, FX technicians and general crew members I met, one of the very coolest was a giant guy called Derek Mears. Everyone on the set was very nice, but Mears was the one who made sure to invite the "horror geek press" back to his hotel lounge so we could have a few beers and give the guy the scoop on American sports, recent horror movies, new video games, comic books, etc. (The man had been cooped up in Ouarzazate for a few months by this point.)

Anyway, Derek was a sincerely gracious dude (and he DID make for a pretty creepy freakin' mutant in Hills 2), so I'm happy to share the news (via BD.com) that he's landed the role of mad slasher Jason Voorhees in Platinum Dunes' upcoming remake of Friday the 13th. So while you might not recognize the face, you've probably seen some of Derek's work in flcks like Cursed, Zathura, Men in Black 2, and The Haunted Mansion. (Plus a whole lotta TV work.) Odds are you won't see a whole lot more of Mears once he dons the legendary hockey mask -- but the Jason character has always been played by a huge, likeable lug, and I think Mears fits the bill quite nicely. Plus he's really freakin' huge, and that's a big plus. The new Friday is due early next year.

Has anyone kept track of all the remakes of Asian horror films? It fairly numbs the mind to even begin counting, as soulless and derivative as they are. I know I've had to slog out to the Cineplex many an opening Friday to catch the latest one that was withheld from press screenings. Even the originals begin to blur together, following the same formula of a wronged spirit -- usually a ghostly girl with stringy black hair and hollow eyes -- entering into the lives of unsuspecting people, often through technology. Usually the heroes think they've solved the riddle at some point, but there's always one more overlooked step at the climax. Very often in the middle the heroes find themselves someplace like a library or an office building that's supposed to be brightly lit, but instead is illuminated only by a few buzzing gray lights. The original Shutter (2004) is different only because it originated in Thailand -- and is set in Bangkok -- rather than Japan. The new American remake squashes even that one unique factor by turning right around and setting the story among Americans in Tokyo.

Ben Shaw (Joshua Jackson) is a professional photographer newly married to blonde hottie Jane (Rachael Taylor), who apparently works as a 6th grade teacher and not a photographer's model. (Um... yeah. How did they meet again?) Just after their honeymoon, they land in Tokyo so that Ben can start his amazing new job, shooting colorful layouts of geisha girls. On the road, their car strikes a girl, though no evidence of her body is ever found. More strange things begin happening. White streaks appear in Ben's photos and Jane begins seeing the girl all over the place. With a little detective work, Jane discovers that Ben actually knew her. She was Megumi Tanaka (Megumi Okina), a shy, uncertain translator. Ben may have been her first love, but he didn't love her quite the same and things ended badly. So why, then, are Ben's buddies Bruno (David Denman) and Adam (John Hensley) suddenly dying?

After doing a surprisingly good job on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake -- and then taking five steps back with the misguided Pathfinder -- it looks like Marcus Nispel has been signed to direct the Friday the 13th remake for Platinum Dunes, Paramount, and New Line Warner Bros. Not only that, but actor Jared Padalecki has been signed for a lead role. According to The Hollywood Reporter, "the remake will focus on the serial killer, who will wear his now-iconic hockey mask. Padalecki will play the lead, who investigates what happened up at Crystal Lake."

Seems like a strange direction for a "remake" to take, but obviously I'm more than happy to see the flick before I get all excited or all furious. We'll be waiting until February 13 of next year (yes, it's a Friday) to see what Nispel and screenwriters Mark Swift and Damian Shannon have in store for us. More casting news as it comes in -- and if the Dunes guys opt to go PG-13 on this project, I may just lose my mind.

Two new cast members have been found for Rogue's remake of The Last House on the Left. Looks like it will be Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter. No word on who they'll be playing, but Potter will probably be playing "the mom," while Goldwyn will be either "the dad" or "a psycho." (And given that Goldwyn's best performance came as a hateful villain in Ghost, I'd vote for the latter -- but he's probably the dad.) According to Bloody-Dee, the remake will also star Garret Dillahunt, Rhys Coiro, Martha Maclsaac and Riki Lindholme. (And Dillahunt is fast becoming one of my favorite "new" character actors.)

Ms. Potter is also no stranger to the spooky stuff: Most people forget she was in the original Saw -- and she survived! (Sequel-makers, take note!) As far as the remake of the controversial 1972 horror flick is concerned, the director is newcomer Dennis Iliadis, and the screenplay adapters are first-timers Adam Alleca and Mark Haslett. According to Variety, Red Eye / Disturbia screenwriter Carl Ellsworth also had a hand in the script, most likely in a "polishing" capacity. The creators of the original flick -- Wes Craven and Sean S. Cunningham -- are involved collecting a paycheck as executive producers. Production gets underway in South Africa later this month.

Well, hell, that just won't do! Apparently someone at remake factory Platinum Dunes just realized ... Hey, what the hell, nobody's done a Rosemary's Baby remake?!? And to have an old, popular, influential horror movie with NO remake? Like I said, that just won't do.

We don't have any news on directors, writers or actors, but according to Shock, Platinum producers Andrew Form and Brad Fuller are presently scouting screenwriters for the remake. For those keeping score, Platinum Dunes has already remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror and The Hitcher, plus they've got The Birds, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street in the percolation stage. Dang those guys work hard.

So, since the Dunes boys don't have an adapter yet, allow me to apply for the gig. I've seen all of Platinum's movies AND I own the Rosemary's Baby DVD, so I think I'm more than qualified. Here's my pitch: Jessica Alba and Ryan Reynolds move into a mega-slick new apartment building that's run by computer, only to discover that the old couple who live next-door are actually Satanic Robots from the Future! Oh wait, here's an easier idea: Just take the original screenplay, modernize with bikinis, computers and cell phones, and then make the exact same movie. It'll make the same amount of cash anyway.

Dubbed "the scariest movie I've ever seen because I was pregnant when I saw it" by Scott Weinberg's mom, Rosemary's Baby was based on the Ira Levin novel of the same name, it featured some stellar work from Mia Farrow and Ruth Gordon, and is (easily) one of Roman Polanski's finest achievements. And now a stinkin' remake. Sorry for being so snotty, especially because I actually really LIKE the Plantnum Dunes re-do of Texas Chainsaw, but when I see a production company loading up on remakes and nothing else, I can't help but think "LAZY!!!"

One of the most ferociously entertaining horror flicks of the past several years is Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury's Inside (aka A l'interieur), which will be hitting DVD a little later this year. We already knew that the Frenchmen had been tapped to direct the Hellraiser remake for Dimension, but the project recently got bumped back to 2009.

Now that the strike is over, the producers can take some steps towards getting the flick moving. To that end, horror-lovin' screenwriters Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton have been hired to help get the new (Barker-approved) Hellraiser ... raised. Genre fans will remember Marc and Pat from their debut flick Feast, plus they also joined the Twisted team last year when they provided the screenplay for Saw 4. (And yes, they also worked on Feast 2. And Saw 5. Oh, and Feast 3.)

According to Shock, the duo also have The Midnight Man in production with Dimension, so obviously the studio likes these guys. More word on Hellraiser, Inside, Saw 5, The Midnight Man, and the new Feasts as it becomes available.

In 2006, Joe Dante told us it was coming.

In 2007, we learned of the French connection.

in 2008, I'm telling you that it will be in 3-D.

In 2009, we will have a new movie called ... Piranha!

According to the rotten one over at STYD.com, Dimension's remake of the Joe Dante / John Sayles mini-classic is now scheduled for release on July 24, 2009. And I'm sure that date will stick because the Weinsteins never change release dates over and over on their aquatic horror movies. (Seriously, where the hell is Rogue already?) But the news gets even campier...

3-D! Yes! The plot -- "a tremor causes Arizona's Lake Havasu floor to open, setting free scores of prehistoric piranhas" -- will be in service to that awesomeness known as 3-D exhibition! Hundreds of gross, ugly, scary, ravenous piranhas ... in 3-D! The spirit of William Castle is alive and well and living in the Weinsteins' attic. I refuse to let the fact that one of the co-writers penned Good Luck Chuck deter me: A 3-D Piranha remake from the guy who directed High Tension: Bring it on.

I could have sworn I did a little piece on the planned remake of George Romero's The Crazies, but the Cinematical search function seems to believe otherwise. But a while back it was mentioned that director Brad Anderson and screenwriter Scott Kosar (who once collaborated to give us The Machinist) very well might be getting back together for a remake of Romero's 1973 infection thriller ... and then we heard nothing.

Odds are that Mr. Anderson has moved on to other projects, but according to gory sources, the remake is not nearly dead. Seems that producers Dean Georgaris and Michael Aguilar have tapped a second writer (Ray Wright) to help the project along. We'll let Mr. Wright's debut (the wretched Pulse remake) slide and look forward to his Case 39, which stars Renee Zellweger and opens on August 22.

When the producers decided to finally ash-can this remake because nobody aside from hardcore horror fans even remember The Crazies (which means the title isn't nearly as marketable as Halloween, Chainsaw or Prom Night), we'll be sure to let you know.

I have a big "Park City genre report" on the way, but here's some good news that has forced me to jump the gun just a little bit. One of the coolest surprises I saw last week was a Slamdance entry called Paranormal Activity. Now, being that I'm a ravenous horror nerd, I'd already heard (and read) a little bit about the flick -- and I was aware that there was strongly positive buzz from the hardcore horror hounds -- but I wasn't really prepared for how quietly, confidently creepy the flick would be.

I won't spoil anything, but I will say that Paranormal Activity is a great little horror flick, and it sure looks like the people at DreamWorks agree with the horror press. According to Variety, DW has acquired all domestic and remake rights to Paranormal Activity, which basically means we'll see a solid DVD release for the original, and a glossier remake that's not bad, but not as good as the original. The horror fans get two movies, everyone involved gets paid, and it's a nice story all around. Score one for the little guy who made a good movie. (Feel free to check out Kim's review here, and my full review right here.)

Congrats, Oren!