Here's where I get confused: If you knew a pair of people like the characters played by Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher in the new feature-length sitcom pilot What Happens in Vegas, you'd probably hate them. Undoubtedly, in real life, you'd want to punch / mock / immediately walk away from people so outrageously stupid, selfish, and insufferable. So here's my question: Why would you actually PAY for the experience of meeting two such woeful and worthless people? It's not like there's much upside for you...

Pre-packaged movie star detritus of the most inane order, What Happens in Vegas offers an I Love Lucy premise, an Odd Couple leading duo, and a Three's Company screenplay. (I mean, like, season five Three's Company, when you could spot the flaccid punch-lines the split-second the set-up is delivered.) It's not like I went in gunning for the flick, because I happen to think that A) Ashton Kutcher is a fairly funny guy, B) Cameron Diaz is still (often) a generally appealing movie star, and C) "high concept" comedy can sometimes make for one colorful and energetic night at the cinema -- but I've been to writing seminars that offer more humor, creativity, and cleverness than what's on display here. And trust me, writing seminars have none of those things.

(We're re-posting our SXSW review of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay to coincide with the film's theatrical release this weekend.)

"Is it as good as the first one?" That's the question I've been asked most since watching Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay last night. Short answer: Yes ... and no. The HIGHly-anticipated sequel to 2004's Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle comes just how you'd expect it: raunchy, wild, disgusting and completely absurd. This isn't -- and has never been -- a real-life comedy (all that went out the window after the boys rode a cheetah in the first installment); it's a fantasy/comedy, the kind you'd dream up while stoned out of your mind on a Saturday night. I tend to think that's how writer-directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg came up with this idea in the first place.

The Harold and Kumar films have always been about three things: drugs, sex and racial differences. Like with any sequel, all three of those are upped significantly. Instead of traveling across the state of New Jersey, Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) are now traveling across the United States. The stakes are also higher; this time, the boys are mistaken for terrorists while on a plane heading for Amsterdam after Kumar rigs up a bong that holds in the smoke -- a bong that looks and sounds like "bomb." After they're taken down to Guantanamo Bay, the first ridiculous homosexual joke plays itself out and the boys manage to escape. But where do they go and how do they clear their name? And, most importantly, will we care ... at all?

Oh Ari Fleischer -- the David Cross of Press Secretaries. Wait a minute -- why didn't they get David Cross for this role? He'd be perfect. Anyway, MTV tells us that Rob Corddry (The Daily Show, Semi-Pro ... and a bunch of other random comedies) has signed on to play former Press Secretary Ari Fleischer in Oliver Stone's W. Corddry joins a cast that continues to get larger by the minute, and includes Josh Brolin (George W. Bush), Elizabeth Banks (Laura Bush), James Cromwell (George Bush Sr.), Ellen Burstyn (Barbara Bush), Thandie Newton (Condi Rice), Ioan Gruffudd (Tony Blair) and 50 Cent (as Colin Powell).

Yes, I'm kidding about that last one.

Earlier today, we clued you into a script review of W currently circulating the internets. According to some, the film seems to be taking the Bush is a moronic alcoholic fratboy route, which, if you watch, well, The Daily Show, is kinda old news. As Eugene put it, "Most people -- whether or not they accept it -- have already absorbed the meme that Bush is an arrogant, reckless, hard-drinking buffoon, and I'm not sure that this perception merits its own movie." I completely agree -- and I'd much rather have watched Stone return to Vietnam with Pinkville than sit down for a feature-length version of a joke that's way past its prime.

I will totally admit to bashing this movie when I first heard about it, but I have to say it has some pretty funny jokes. I LOL'd at least four times during this latest trailer (just released by Moviefone) for What Happens in Vegas, and I can't remember the last time I LOL'd at anything starring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. See, it's all about Rob Corddry. Put that guy in anything and you're guaranteed a few funny bits. I love the part where Kutcher finds a bunch of hot girls in his living room, and he calls Corddry to tell him there's a hot girl party at his house. The exchange between the two earned bonus laugh points from me. And the trailer is cut together pretty well, with the laughs increasing as it plays out. Kudos to whoever put it together.

What Happens in Vegas stars Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher as two random strangers who meet one night in Vegas, get wasted and subsequently get married by drunken mistake. However, while they're parting ways the next morning -- admitting their stupid mistakes -- both wind up winning a three million dollar jackpot. It was her quarter, but he put it in. When a judge sentences them to "six months of hard marriage" these two strangers -- who now despise one another -- will have to find a way to make it work. Think The Break-Up meets War of the Roses. I dunno, looks kinda cute.

What Happens in Vegas hits theaters on May 9 (my birthday!). Check out the trailer above, or head over to Moviefone to watch it in glorious HD.

Would you ever believe that Eva Longoria dated Jason Biggs? Well, Hollywood is asking us to suspend our disbelief, because the two are starring in a comedy in which they play former flames. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the sexy "desperate housewife" and the doofy "pie f**cker" have been cast alongside Rob Corddry in Lower Learning, the debut feature from writer-director Mark Lafferty, who was responsible for the gay-centric Sixth Sense spoof, The Seventh Sense ("I see gay people"). In Lower, Corddry will play a shady elementary school principal under investigation by Longoria's inspector with help from her ex, a former cop who is now a vice principal. The cast will also include Corddry's old Daily Show co-worker Ed Helms, Tenacious D's Kyle Gass and Saw's Monica Potter. I don't know about you, but I expect this to be another movie in which the adults are less mature than the children.

I hope there aren't too many disappointed men out there, but Jason Biggs isn't much of a substitute for Beyoncé Knowles. Remember last year, Longoria was said to be doing a lesbian film with Knowles, but the rumor was quickly and unfortunately shot down. Well, let's just hope Longoria's character doesn't end up getting back together with Biggs' character, so we don't have to suffer through their reunion kiss -- though I've already suffered from imagining it. I'm rather hoping this movie focuses more on Corddry, who is a lot more enjoyable to watch. However, I might be in a minority here, considering audiences weren't too receptive to his recent sitcom The Winner, nor were they interested in his starring role in Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story nor as support in The Heartbreak Kid. Personally, I think he needs another shot at carrying a movie -- his next few roles are fairly small, playing second fiddle to Justin Long, Will Ferrell, Harold & Kumar and Ashton Kutcher. Like Longoria, he could definitely do better.

Anyone out there buy Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz as a married couple? Nah, me neither. Anyone out there buy Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz as two Vegas vacationers who get married while plastered only to participate in a massive battle when one of 'em wins a huge jackpot with the other one's quarter? Nah, I don't really swallow that one either. (Anyone out there have a clue as to what will happen at the end of this flick? I sure do.)

But that's not stopping Fox from moving forward on What Happens in Vegas..., an obviously broad-style romantic comedy that's scheduled for release next summer. Starter for 10 director Tom Vaughan steps into his first big-time studio gig with Vegas, and he's working from a screenplay by second-timer Dana Fox. (She also wrote -- brace yourself -- The Wedding Date.) So it sounds like a perfectly conventional summertime rom-com -- even though I still can't imagine Diaz and Kutcher as a couple.

But according to The Hollywood Reporter, we may have two additional reasons to look forward to What Happens in Vegas... . (Is it just me or do you also hate it when movie titles end in ellipses??) Looks like Fox has settled on two actors to play the best friends of the leads -- and those actors are the seriously funny Rob Corddry and the seriously adorable Lake Bell. Mr. Corddry you probably know from The Daily Show, although he's also popped up in Failure to Launch, Blades of Glory and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Ms. Bell is best known for TV work (Miss Match, Surface, Boston Legal) but also has a bunch of movie projects in the pipeline.

Fox has claimed June 27 of next summer for their Vegas trip.

About a year ago I was sure that Rob Corddry would be the next big thing to come out of The Daily Show. But now it looks like Ed Helms could pass him by. While Corddry waits around for his new show The Winner to get canceled (if it hasn't been killed already), Helms is busy setting up a good amount of decent movie gigs, including a starring role in A Whole New Hugh, which he will co-write and which Judd Apatow will produce. The movie, which was pitched to Universal by Helms, Jake Fleisher and Ian Berger, will be about a guy who gains confidence thanks to three friends who make him appear successful.

I'm glad for Helms, though I don't see him having enough appeal to be the next Steve Carell. I am also surprised by his sudden rise because the last thing I saw him in was Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story, in which Corddry starred and Helms merely had a cameo. What likely has helped Helms' success is his obnoxious run on The Office, co-starring with Carell, his former Daily Show cast mate. Other upcoming movies Helms can be seen in include Evan Almighty, where he'll again be supporting Carell, Starship Dave and Walk Hard, which stars The Office's Jenna Fischer. Both he and Corddry have parts in Harold and Kumar 2, so maybe he could give his old friend some tips on breaking out.

You didn't think that massive list of movies was all that SXSW 2007 had to offer, did you? Well that's just plain old silly. If you know anything at all about the South by Southwest Film Festival, you know that the programmers love to throw in a few juicy surprises from time to time. And here's the first batch of special additions:

• Thanks in large part to AICN, D.J. Caruso's Disturbia will join Scott Frank's The Lookout as part of the opening night festivities. And while the Disturbia trailer might not look all that promising, I do feel that Caruso's The Salton Sea and Two for the Money are pretty underrated flicks. Plus it was written by the guy who penned Red Eye, and that was a pretty fun little matinee.

• Producer / director / character actor supreme Bill Paxton will be holding a Q&A panel discussion! Awesome! I'll try not to geek out all over the place when people start asking him about Aliens, Near Dark, One False Move or Frailty.

• Another new panel has been announced. It'll be called "Ready for Primetime: TV Comedy Today" -- and get this line-up: Al Jean (The Simpsons), Rob Corddry (The Daily Show) and Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy). OK, so it's TV and not movies. Still sounds pretty awesome.

In addition to the fleshing out of the panels and a few new title adds, the SXSW programmers just announced all the short films that will be playing the fest next month. Needless to say, Cinematical will be on the ground in Austin come March 9th. Jette and I live down here, so it's not like it's an inconvenience.

We knew it was coming, we knew where they were going, but we didn't know who would be joining them for another round of marijuana-induced adventures. And now we do. Eleven folks have joined Kal Penn (Kumar) and John Cho (Harold) in the long-awaited sequel to Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Harold and Kumar 2 (previously known as Harold and Kumar Go to Amsterdam ... except they don't really go to Amsterdam) has added -- deep breath -- David Krumholtz, Rob Corddry, Christopher Meloni, Ed Helms, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Paula Garcés, Jack Conley, Roger Bart, Danneel Harris, Eric Winter and -- drum roll please -- Neil Patrick Harris!

For die hard fans of the original film, the only name that really matters to you is Neil Patrick Harris, as his cameo in the first flick stole the show. Daily Show vets Corddry and Helms should also provide plenty of laughs along the way. Story picks up right where we left our two heroes: at White Castle, putting an end to their vicious case of the munchies. When Harold's crush Maria heads off to Amsterdam, the boys attempt to follow her ... only to be yanked off the plane when a fellow passenger suspects Kumar is a terrorist. From there, the duo travel a lot farther than the state of New Jersey -- from Guantanamo Bay, through the deep south and eventually ending up in "Bush country ..." all the while being chased by Homeland Security.

Production began last week in Louisiana, with original Harold and Kumar scribes John Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg writing and directing the follow-up. Currently, there's no word from New Line on a release date.

Odds and ends from a very busy Thursday:

• While I'm not overly excited for David Fincher's Zodiac, I am definitely looking forward to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Pic has just added Julia Ormond to its cast for a little reunion of sorts with her Legends of the Fall co-star Brad Pitt. Here, she'll play the daughter of Cate Blanchett's character, a woman who finds herself having to listen to mom go on and on about some dude who ages backwards. Yes, that would be Benjamin Button (Pitt). Man, I am dying to see what Fincher does with this one.
• Rob Corddry (the latest Daily Show correspondent to jump ship and start a movie career) has hopped onboard the new Farrelly Brothers flick, The Heartbreak Kid (aka Seven Day Itch, aka Untitled Farrelly Brothers comedy). Pic stars Ben Stiller as a newlywed who falls in love with another woman while on his honeymoon. Apparently, Corddry will play Stiller's best friend. Also starring in the film are Michelle Monaghan, Malin Akerman and Carlos Mencia.
• Heck, it's not an animated comedy unless you have 72 actors signed on to provide voices, and the upcoming Igor has just added Jeremy Piven (that's right, he's important enough to start voicing animated characters now) and Molly Shannon. Pic, which is based on the short film of the same name, revolves around the assistant of a mad scientist whose main goal in life is to win first place at the annual Evil Science Fair. The three main actors from the short (Steve Buscemi, John Cleese and Christian Slater) have already signed on to reprise their roles.
• Finally, guess who's back to making good-looking films? If you said Steven Soderbergh, then go ahead and give yourself a gold star. The director's latest film, The Good German, now has a trailer online ... and the thing doesn't look too bad. Perhaps George Clooney should stick to black and white from here on out. Starring Clooney, Tobey Maguire and Cate Blanchett (man, she's everywhere today, huh?), The Good German follows an American journalist who is lured into a murder mystery that involves his former mistress. Is it me, or did Clooney appear to be missing something in that trailer?