rob schneider Tagged Articles at Cinematical

Wouldn't every movie be better if it featured naked people? That was my thinking as an overheated youth in the late 70s and early 80s, and, fortunately for me, theaters were flooded in those days with naked people -- almost all lovely young women. Of course, some movies resisted that notion, insisting on keeping characters fully clothed for reasons of "artistic integrity," "narrative logic," or "refusal of actresses to cheapen themselves by appearing in gratuitous nude scenes."

One such movie was John Milius' Red Dawn, the gloriously jingoistic paen to teenagers arming themselves with machine guns and mowing down invading Russians, in which Lea Thompson and Jennifer Grey kept their clothes on as soldiers of misfortune. An official remake is in development, but if you don't want to wait for that, the very talented Jake Szymanski (The Dirty Garage) at Funny or Die has forged ahead with his own version ... set in a nudist colony.

Frankly, this is not quite my dream remake. For one thing, the faux trailer features frontally nude men almost exclusively, without a modern, naked equivalent of Lea Thompson or Jennifer Grey in sight. Still, a fully-clothed Mena Suvari appears, wielding a whip, and Vinnie Jones chews up the scenery as the Russian leader. A very naked Rob Schneider leads the rebellion. Which is more frightening: an invading foreign army, or Rob Schneider naked? Watch it and decide for yourself. WARNING: NSFW due to nudity.

I was watching Happy Gilmore the other day and I thought to myself, "Where did this guy go?" Adam Sandler comedies aren't for everyone -- they're silly and stupid and one step above an hour and a half of Yo Mama jokes (which isn't necessarily a bad thing -- remember how well it worked out for that scene in White Men Can't Jump ...). These days, however, amidst the Apatow and the Rogen and the Rudd, I'm finding it hard to locate those random Sandler die-hards. I know it's sad to say, but I don't think I've laughed during an Adam Sandler movie since Punch Drunk Love in 2002 ... and that wasn't even an "Adam Sandler movie", but more of a movie that starred Adam Sandler.

Which brings us to today, and an announcement in Variety that Sandler is reteaming with pretty much all the guys who've made crappy films with him in the past: Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, David Spade and director Dennis Dugan (Zohan). The film, which will begin shooting this summer, doesn't have a title but is described as a high-concept story about five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on Fourth of July weekend. Not sure what's high-concept about that (do they all turn into superheroes?), but we'll see where they take it. With all these guys, it'll either turn out to be the biggest piece of cow dung to ever hit the screen ... or maybe, just maybe, there's some funny to be had.

What do you folks think? Can Adam Sandler make another funny movie? And can he do it with this all-star Sandler cast?

It would be one thing if You Don't Mess With the Zohan was simply bad; after the recent string of Adam Sandler comedies like I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Click and The Longest Yard, You Don't Mess With the Zohan continues the Sandler career path where low comedy is intended to result in high profits. Sandler's films now seem to function mostly as a kind of philosophical experiment: How lazy, sloppy and stupid can a film be and still make money? And let's not mince words here, or hem and haw and add caveats about a few laughs or good intentions: You Don't Mess With the Zohan is astonishingly, impressively, depressingly bad.

And no, this is not some sneering, soft-handed ivory-tower resident looking down on Sandler's work from a lofty height; this is someone who loves a good smart dumb comedy telling you that if you see You Don't Mess With the Zohan, you'll witness a moment where Zohan -- the Israeli commando-turned-hairdresser played by Sandler -- wishes a sad farewell to someone with his junk. We get a close-up of it -- bulging, frame-filling -- and it waggles a little wave to us, sadly, as Zohan wishes goodbye to a girl he might have loved, eyes sad and crotch engorged.

In yet another case of similarly themed battling films, Variety reports that there's a new comedy on the way called Wild Cherry. This is just 11 days after we learned that Overture was going for the Freshly Popped story about a teen girl who is looking for the right guy to take her virginity. Did everyone see Juno and become inspired with thoughts about awkward teens having their first forays into sex?

Whatever the case, Rob Schneider, Tania Raymonde, Kristin Cavallari, Rumer Willis, and Ryan Merriman have signed on for the ensemble comedy, which was written by Chris Charney and will be directed by Dana Lustig. In this story, it's a bit less meat-factory hunting. Schneider is starring as the dad of a high school senior who is looking to give up her virginity to her football-kicker boyfriend. However, she then finds out that he's only dating her for his team's "bang book." Of course, that ends the talk of cherry popping, and she decides to get revenge. Taking a cue from the Greek play Lysistrata, the girl and her friends plan some payback, which I imagine means an all-out sex boycott for all of the "bang book" using jerks of the school.

It sounds like it could be a fun flick, a rarity for Schneider, but I still don't get this current cherry obsession. Regardless, the film heads to Winnipeg on May 7 to begin production.

I know it's a cliche, but I seriously think I just threw up a little in my mouth. What do you get when Hollywood decides they want to make another Borat film? Yup, you get You Don't Mess with the Zohan. Oh trust me Mr. Zohan, I won't mess with you -- I won't even go near you. Yahoo has the first trailer for this Adam Sandler comedy, and it might just be me, but I actually think his films are getting dumber. I know, they've always been pretty dumb -- but this one ... I don't even know what to say, honestly. Go watch it yourself. Maybe you dig this type of thing, and more power to you if you do -- but it's just not my cup of manishevitz. It's like Borat mixed with typical idiotic Adam Sandler comedy, and it just looks so wrong on so many different levels. The scariest part of the whole thing is that Judd Apatow actually co-wrote this script? Judd? Seriously? Dude!

Unlike Borat, though, Sandler plays an Israeli Mossad agent who decides to leave his home country, cut his hair and travel to the United States in an attempt to cut other people's hair. Based on the trailer, it appears his sexy middle-eastern strip-tease/hairdresser moves have women lined up around the block for a cut ... but it isn't long until Rob Schneider shows up as a taxi driver and a bunch of "funny" terrorists want to mess with the Zohan. Ah, but you see -- you don't want to mess with the Zohan. Because when you mess with the Zohan ... I don't know; I give up. Feel free to let us know what you think of the trailer in the comments section below. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. You Don't Mess with the Zohan hits theaters on June 6.

When news first came about Mall Cop, it was clear it had to be a kids' movie. Reminiscent of Home Alone, it features a burglary attempt at a mall. But it stars Kevin James rather than a kid or bunch of kids as the person who thwarts the criminals' plan. Still likely a slapstick-heavy comedy, it just doesn't have the same appeal as a movie where kids outsmart adults. Then Steve Pink, who co-wrote Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity, came on board to script the thing. Suddenly it sounded like it could be a little wittier than originally expected. However, now we're back to square one, because Variety reports that Mall Cop will be directed by Steve Carr. In case you aren't familiar with the guy's work, here's a sampling: Dr. Doolittle 2; Are We Done Yet?; Daddy Day Care; Rebound. All PG movies. Sure, his first movie, Next Friday, wasn't for kids, but he certainly seems on track to deliver only family friendly films these days.

So far, James has been pretty successful in his transition from TV to movies. Of course, it helped that in his two hit comedies he was the co-star of Will Smith and then Adam Sandler. Mall Cop will be his first vehicle as sole star unless some big name comedian is cast as one of the burglars. Considering Happy Madison is producing, that big name would have to be Sandler. With little chance of that casting happening, though, James could settle for a lesser co-star in Happy Madison regular Rob Schneider. However, then we'd again be wishing that young Macaulay Culkin was in this thing, since Schneider played one of the many semi-baddies in Home Alone 2. Honestly, I'd settle to see any kid in there -- even a young Erik Davis -- instead of James. I guess the title wouldn't make much sense then, though.

Confession time: When I was young, like 10 or so, I had a very vivid imagination. Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep at night (and this is before girls entered the picture, just so you know) I'd imagine myself in ridiculous situations where, ultimately, I could save the day. Since I was always at the mall (big shout out to the Staten Island Mall -- holla!), occasionally I'd concoct a day-dream that involved armed men taking over the mall, with me as the only one who could put a stop to it. I know, I was 10 -- what can I say? Don't you love these little personal stories? Anyway, Kevin James somehow snuck into my dreams and decided to turn them into a feature-length movie. Damn him!

Variety reports that James will write, produce and star in a comedy called Mall Cop. And if you paid any attention to my previous paragraph, you probably already know what it's about. Yup, James will play a mild-mannered security guard who's forced to take action when a group of organized thieves take over his mall. Look for plenty of product placement and mall cop jokes to ensue. Columbia Pictures will shovel this one out, with Happy Madison producing -- which means, yes, Rob Schneider will most likely show up in some capacity. While I like James, he still hasn't convinced me he can hold down an entire film by himself. But it's an idea that has potential, so we'll see where they go with it. No director, cast, production schedule or random Adam Sandler cameo has been announced at this time.

Seeing as she's had some problems making the transition from singer to actress (I wouldn't exactly consider Glitter, WiseGirls and State Property 2 must-see entertainment), it's only fitting that Mariah Carey would toss aside any Carey-like characters for the time being, and opt to play herself instead. And, in doing so, she may have just landed her biggest film to date. JoBlo tells us that Carey will star alongside Adam Sandler in You Don't Mess With The Zohan; a film that finds Sandler teaming with the brilliant comedic minds of Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel (of SNL fame). Dennis Dugan, who's had his fare share of hits and misses (Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore being hits, with National Security and The Benchwarmers being misses) will direct, while production is set to begin this summer with an eye on a summer 2008 release.

In the film, Sandler will play Zohan, a Mossad agent who's so fed up with his life that he fakes his death to pursue his dream of becoming a hairdresser in New York City. That right there is scary in and of itself. Carey will play herself (a singer who's gone through more transformations than the Autobots) who becomes all mixed up with Zohan's former nemesis The Phantom, thus forcing the former agent to return to his roots and kick some ass. As far as other cast members go, all we know right now is that Rob Schneider has signed on to play an East Yistannen cab driver. Oh joy. Pic will mark back-to-back projects for both Sandler and Dugen; the actor and director also partnered up on this summer's I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which hits theaters on July 20. What do you think of Mariah Carey, the actress? Does her involvement automatically ruin the film for you, or are you happy that someone is finally giving her the big break she so desperately deserves?

Adam Sandler is re-teaming with one of his most frequent directors, Dennis Dugan, for You Don't Mess With the Zohan. We recently brought you news on the film, in which Sandler will play a Mossad agent who fakes his death so he can move to New York and become a hairstylist. Regardless of how this project turns out, it's refreshing to hear a premise that doesn't sound exactly like everything else. Rob Schneider, who has made quite the career of playing strangely accented dudes in Sandler films, has signed on to play a East Yistannen cab driver. Sandler wrote the screenplay with two of today's greatest comedy minds: Judd Apatow (I'm seeing Knocked Up tonight -- jealous?) and Robert Smigel, who has written some of the greatest bits ever to appear on Late Night With Conan O'Brien and Saturday Night Live.

Dugan has worked with Sandler before on two of his better comedies, Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy. They must have a great relationship because Dugan also directed this summer's I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry with Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel and Steve Buscemi, who I hope is not wasted like he was I Think I Love My Wife. Chuck and Larry should be out in July, and the fact that Alexander Payne has a writing credit has me very intrigued to see it. To get a little deeper into the Dugan ouevre, check out two really underrated comedies: Saving Silverman -- a movie I never understood all the hatred for, and Brain Donors, an absolutely hysterical Marx Brothers update with John Turturro that almost no one has seen. Shooting for Zohan starts this summer in Los Angeles and New York, and the movie should be out in Summer 2008.

On paper, it sounds like Adam Sandler's next project, You Don't Mess with Zohan, could potentially be one of his funniest. It's not so much the story (which finds Sandler playing a Mossad agent who fakes his death in order to move to New York and become a hair stylist) that gets me excited, it's the fact that the script was written by Judd Apatow (The 40 Year Old Virgin), Robert Smigel (responsible for SNL skits like The Ambiguously Gay Duo, as well as the man behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) and Sandler -- three extremely funny men who each bring a unique comedic voice to the project. The one downside, however, is that the Hollywood Reporter tells us today frequent Sandler collaborator Rob Schneider is in talks to co-star. Gee, who would've thunk it?

If Schneider signs on (and chances are he will, seeing as Sandler-related projects seem to be his only source of income), he will play an East Yistannen cab driver who, I imagine, speaks in a funny accent and throws out a bunch of quotable one-liners like "You can do it!" There's no word on a director yet, but wouldn't it be smashing if Apatow were to take the reigns and helm a Sandler comedy? I'd love to see what sort of child would be born from Apatow's down-to-earth everyman approach as a director -- especially when it's mixed with Sandler's familiar, over-the-top antics and Smigel's dirty humor. Filming on You Don't Mess with Zohan begins this summer, and currently the film is scheduled for a summer 2008 release.