Screw this; I'm going home. On the first day of production, the people footing the bill for Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins have announced that the future is actually ending prematurely, as the violent, perennially R-rated franchise is going PG-13 for its fourth installment. The reason? I'll bet you can guess. In addition to "broadening the audience base," the producers are hoping for (or have already signed; it's not really clear) a merchandising deal with Playmates Toys. Dear God. Clearly, they're trying to bring about a fanboy mass suicide.

Maybe it's not yet time to panic. After all, I still managed to have a blast with last year's PG-13 Live Free or Die Hard, and that franchise, what with John McClane's penchant for the f-bomb, was arguably even more dependent on the freedom of the R than Terminator. And with a few exceptions (that unforgettable shot of the T-1000 disguised as John Connor's mom impaling Xander Berkeley on its pointy metal arm comes to mind), the reasons the Terminator films -- Judgment Day in particular -- are so disturbing have little to do with heavy violence; Robert Patrick rising out of the linoleum floor is scarier than any amount of gore could be. The MPAA is surely tone-deaf enough to censor the blood but let the really scary stuff through. And anyway, as the producers point out in the article, the PG-13 ain't what it used to be.

I know I'm not completely in the minority with this, but I have to admit first off that I loved Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I really thought Jonathan Mostow did a great job delivering the action -- obviously not close to as good as James Cameron would have done, but better than many others could have. When it was revealed that a fourth Terminator was in the works, I hoped Mostow would be rehired for the gig. But I guess he's either doing something else (Swiss Family Robinson perhaps?) or for some reason he's not welcome back. According to CHUD.com, his replacement on the franchise may be McG, who I find to be one of the most annoying guys working in Hollywood these days. Really, though, I just hate on the guy because of his stupid name. I guiltily kinda enjoyed his two Charlie's Angels movies. Apparently, McG is currently in talks to take the helm of the sequel, for a pre-strike production start, but it isn't for certain that he'll get the job.

I'm sure many of you will probably be upset if McG officially signs on, even if you too just criticize him for his name. It could be the nail on the coffin for a lot of fans already nervous about the continuation of the storyline without any definite sign of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, Robert Patrick, Edward Furlong, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes or anyone else who has previously starred in the series. From what we've so far heard, it seems part 4 will focus on the post-apocalyptic period involving the war between the machines and John Connor's army. Everything else, regarding an Arnie cameo, or whatever, I'm still considering to be hearsay. Anyway, all I care about now is that at least Terminator 4 has been scripted by T3's Michael Ferris and John D. Brancato, a duo I'm sure are well-enough-versed in the Terminator universe to make this next installment interesting and worth seeing.

Robert Patrick is one of those actors who, for better or worse, I always associate with one role. Maybe it's due to the impressionable age at which I saw Terminator 2, but every time I see Patrick onscreen I react the same way. When I saw Walk the Line, I thought "Why is T-1000 being so mean to Johnny Cash?" When I saw him on greatest-TV-show-ever The Sopranos, I thought "Man, T-1000 needs to stop gambling so much!" And if I see him in the upcoming horror film Autopsy, I'm sure I will say "Why is T-1000 hanging out in that spooky hospital?"

Autopsy, in pre-production now for a scheduled 2008 release, is said to be about "a young woman who tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizarre and dangerous hospital." It will be directed by first-timer Adam Gierasch, who co-wrote the screenplays for Tobe Hooper's Toolbox Murders, Dario Argento's upcoming The Third Mother, and something called Crocodile 2: Death Swamp! Gierasch is scripting with Jace Anderson and E.L. Katz, and the cast includes Jessica Lowndes and Tarantino favorite Michael Bowen. Patrick is currently on the big screen in Bridge to Terabithia ("What's T-1000 doing on that bridge?"), which I imagine would not make a good double feature with Autopsy.

We reported back in April on the rise of WWE Films, a new division of World Wrestling Entertainment dedicated to creating and financing (as long as distribution is in place before production begins) vehicles for the wrestlers who ply their trade for WWE. The label's first film, a horror flick called See No Evil, starred Kane and was released earlier this year -- albeit to largely dismal reviews -- by Lionsgate. Though the original report indicated that WWE Films' second release would be a Steve Austin vehicle called The Condemned, it turns out that an action/revenge film called The Marine will be hitting screen in October; Austin's film doesn't yet have a release date.

Now, I'm embarrassed to say this, but the Marine trailer really, really worked, at least on my little brain. It had me, as they, say at "hello" -- if by "hello" you mean "Robert Patrick as baddie." Patrick plays an evil, violent bastard who takes the wife of John Cena's character hostage at as a gas station, and drives off with her. Which, needless to say, is a bad idea -- in addition to being played by a badass professional wrestler, the guy is also an ex-Marine, giving him to ability to defeat legions of bad guys with his bare hands. What's so great about all of this, though, is the way Patrick has totally bought into his character's sleaze, and the sort of joyful irritation that colors his delivery -- you never dreamed "I tried to kill this guy twice today" could be pronounced quite so perfectly. He's basically playing Walken-lite, and seems utterly thrilled by the whole silly thing.

So, yeah. Maybe this WWE Films thing isn't such a bad idea after all.

[via JoBlo]