No! For the love of God, make it stop!

According to Variety, Dimension Films is remaking that whimsical 80's classic Short Circuit. S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock, the writers behind the original two films, are set to write the remake. The film will reportedly be similar in theme to the original, but will factor in advances in technology. (Really? Last I checked, we didn't have sentient robots who could be your pal!)

This has to stop. I'm too young to see my childhood paraded before me like this, a demented nightmare of what once thrilled and delighted me. I loved this movie. It has honestly been a long time since I saw it, so I doubt it has held up -- but I love my memories of it. I also cherish my memory of the sequel. My parents took me to see it, it was a sold out showing. And I think it was only ten or twenty minutes in before I realized how horrible it was. I do believe it was the first time I was exposed to the realization that sequels were made for money, and were often wretched. Up until then, all the sequels I had ever seen (which probably amounted to Empire Strikes Back) were awesome and worthy continuations of characters I adored.

I realize I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but this trend has to stop. What's next? The Goonies? Gremlins? The Karate Kid? Big Trouble in Little China? Oh no, I've given them ideas.

Everyone who misses Steve Guttenberg raise your hand. I wasn't the only one, I hope. Maybe you want to pretend you didn't love Officer Mahoney, but you know you did. And you probably even enjoyed him in Three Men and a Baby and its sequel, Three Men and a Little Lady, as well as Cocoon and its sequel, Cocoon: The Return. Oh yeah, and Short Circuit? And Diner? Even if you weren't a Police Academy fan (he was in four out of seven of the movies), you had to be able to find something you enjoyed him in. Well, according to The Hollywood Reporter, he's back. Actually, he never disappeared; he was just doing less-seen work. In fact, this new project may be yet another of those little-seen gigs -- but at least he's getting his name in the trades!

Unfortunately, this new gig also seems to be nothing like his old roles. Guttenberg is playing a father whose son falls down a well. Titled The Well, the movie doesn't even sound like a comedy; it's about a divorcing couple whose kid disappears. Could anything be less Mahoney-esque? I doubt there will be even one scene featuring Guttenberg hitting on a hot new police recruit. What a waste. Joining the actor is Irish actress Aislinn Sands and British actor Dominic Rickhards. The Well, which begins filming in Berlin this week, was written by Sabine Leipert and Julia Newmann and will be directed by Stephen Manuel, who just finished a movie called Perfect Hideout, starring Billy Zane. Meanwhile, those of us who really miss Guttenberg can force ourselves to watch him and Jessica Simpson in Major Movie Star, which is set for release by Warner Bros. sometime next year.

Anyway, I'm wondering what you guys think was Guttenberg's biggest career mistake: turning down Big; turning down Ghostbusters; or departing the Police Academy franchise after #4. Also, extra points for the first commenter to tell us what this post's headline references. Bonus extra points for telling me how the Stonecutters fit in, as well.

If you saw the first Wall-E teaser trailer, you won't be missing anything by not watching the new trailer. At least, you won't miss anything that will be in the actual movie. However, the new teaser features a fresh sequence involving Wall-E's interaction with the Pixar logo. It's cute, it's funny and it makes you want to give hugs to a lamp and a robot, which is pretty silly but nonetheless the undeniable case. I've always had a thing for retooled logos involving the movie it accompanies (for example Ralph Wiggum singing along to the 20th Century Fox fanfare before The Simpsons Movie), and I've always had a thing for that little Pixar lamp ever since I saw that first animated short, and so obviously I absolutely love this clip. The rest of the trailer, well, that's kinda boring, but only because we've pretty much already seen it before.

Sure, the title character of Wall-E looks like a cross between E.T. and Johnny 5, but who cares? I don't know about you, but I love E.T., and Johnny 5 is also pretty cool when Ally Sheedy isn't around. So, what's the problem? Personally, I'm really looking forward to this next Pixar movie, especially after reading that director Andrew Stanton considers it to be like "R2-D2: The Movie," because it doesn't really feature any dialogue. Basically it's going to be a beautiful, computer-animated silent film. Despite my intense hatred for Cars, I have faith that Pixar will keep on producing brilliant family entertainment, and when Wall-E opens next summer, you can bet I'll be seeing it. Am I really the only who can't wait? It sure feels that way.

I don't know whether to laugh at how ridiculous this is, or cry because pieces of my childhood are now being auctioned off! MTV Movies Blog has found none other than Johnny Five up for sale on eBay. In case you slept through (or had discerning taste during) the 1980's, Johnny Five is the lovable, wisecracking robot from 1986's Short Circuit and 1988's Short Circuit 2 (which had a hilarious robot chase scored to Bonnie Tyler's "I Need A Hero"). You can head to this link to bid on the item, just be aware that the bidding starts at $100,000. And I'd imagine shipping and handling is going to be a real bitch! But hey, isn't that a small price to pay for probably the best conversation piece you could ever have in your home? "Love what you've done with the place, Janet! Is this coffee table from Pier 1 Imports? Hey...uh...is that the robot from Short Circuit?"

The robot is five feet tall, cost over $175,000 to construct in 1983, and it looks like it's been kept remarkably clean and free of rust. Fifteen different robots were made for Short Circuit and its sequel, but according to the bid page "most of these were mock-ups, half-robots and other non-animatronic pieces." The model being auctioned is "the only complete Johnny Five that survived, and is the only one known to exist." Should you have concerns that this is some imposter giant talking robot and not a movie star, the package "is accompanied with a letter of authenticity from Eric Allard, the robotic special effects supervisor who made this robot for the film." And the sweetest feature is that you get "a specially designed exo-skeleton apparatus (that) was made to control all of the mechanical features of the robot during filming." If I'm reading that correctly, that means you might just be able to make Johnny Five come alive in your own home! It all sounds really cool, but for the price they're asking, I hope it comes with Steve Guttenberg.

If you guys could own any piece of movie memorabilia, (other than Johnny Five of course), what would it be? Thinking small and since all this Short Circuit talk has me nostalgic for the 80's, I'd love to have the original Gizmo from Gremlins in my apartment. I'd keep him far away from the bath tub, of course.

The success of Charlie's Angels seemed to send the film industry into a flurry of television remakes. There's Miami Vice, Starsky & Hutch, and the upcoming CHiPs. They provide a little bit of nostalgia for the older folks, and action for the younger folks, even though some take themselves a bit too seriously, like a certain Crockett and Tubbs. However, this latest batch of remake news has nothing to do with television, and seemingly nothing to do with common sense either.

According to Moviehole, Short Circuit is on its way to a remake. You remember the little guy in that picture, right? This run-of-the-mill robot gets zapped with juice and magically becomes intelligent, with emotions and a personality. It had Steve Guttenberg before he liked kids a little too much on Veronica Mars, Ally Sheedy after her Breakfast Club makeover, and Fisher Stevens before he became an insane hacker working for The Man.

What I think I fear more than anything is that the film would take the Miami Vice route. I can see it now -- instead of a quirky little robot, Number 6 would be a saucy cyborg who gets zapped, grows a heart, and gives birth to Janey 6, a woman fighting to live her life as a robot while she falls for some attractive man who helps her. Then again, there is also talk of some of the original people being involved, so maybe there's nothing more ridiculous than a movie set in 2007, with an 80's robot and a bunch of actors who were popular twenty years ago.