snatch Tagged Articles at Cinematical

Crank: High Voltage comes out this weekend, which sends Jason Statham back into a frenzied pinball movie world that has his sweaty bald head running at top speed to keep himself alive ... again. So if you want to keep your levels pegged at 11 this weekend, you might want to consider one of these other movies that have pure Russian racehorse levels of adrenaline pumping through their veins. When we say adrenaline fueled, we don't just mean hyperkinetic, no-attention-span-editing and lots of boring action sequences. That might even qualify Hannah Montana: The Movie for this list.

No, we mean you're on the edge of your seat, neck and shoulders tense, and eyeballs propped open like Malco McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. Cinematical urges you to try this at your own risk, and does not recommend any artery-clogging snacks in the midst of your movie madness. You'll need those suckers wide open to keep the heartpump chugging away, and you can consider yourself exercised for the month of April if you make it through at least three of these movies by Sunday.

Crank

Before writer-directors Neveldine and Taylor concocted another way to brutalize Jason Statham onscreen, they originally did it in this underrated film from 2006. I went into Crank with zero knowledge of the movie, other than the fact that the guy from the Transporter movies, Snatch, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels was in it. I'd hated the Transporter series, but loved the other two so I thought I'd give this a shot. 87 minutes later, I peeled my sweat-soaked back from the theater seat and staggered out to the car. This is non-stop, pure over the top action, and it's well worth seeing. Just take your meds before watching.

Blame this on Anderson Cooper and the exhaustive coverage of President and First Lady Obama's trip to London. I can never see my favorite city on television without wanting to board a plane, and since I can't do that right this moment, I must haul every British film out and watch it to get my fix of Anglophilia.

Of course, few London visitors get close to the underworld inhabited by Guy Ritchie -- though the Obamas might meet a few Snatch characters if they get close to the protesters. (I'm not talking the ones who actually are there for real reasons, I'm talking about the ones just chugging lager cans because, well, why not. If you saw any of the news footage, you know what I mean.) I can't find my favorite "Who took the jam out of your doughnut?" scene, so "Two minutes!" will have to do.

I can't believe this film is nearly ten years old. Remember 2000, when people still liked Ritchie, Swept Away wasn't on the radar, Brad Pitt was kind of edgy, and Jason Statham was an ordinary Englishman, not a ripped demigod? How time flies ... and the thought takes the jam right out of my doughnut.

Although he already staged one triumphant return after shelling out that abysmal love letter to his wife (the only thing swept away in, well, Swept Away was the career of its director), Guy Ritchie is attempting to make another comeback; this time, he's going to stick to what made him famous in the first place. The Hollywood Reporter tells us that Ritchie will direct RocknRolla for Joel Silver's Dark Castle Entertainment. And, contrary to what you might think based on that title, it will not be some '70s-style rollerskating-themed musical comedy. Oh no, this pic is said to be in the same vein as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. So, basically, they'll be a bunch of British gangsters fighting over a missing bag of drugs while singing show tunes on roller skates. I dig it!

Ritchie, who also penned the script, plans to begin shooting the film this summer. With casting currently underway, me wonders whether Ritchie is still hot enough to land some big-name talent. Right off the bat, I think it's pretty safe to assume Jason Statham will make an appearance, as he's starred in three of Ritchie's four films. Apart from him, this puppy is way up in the air. If he's reaching into a hot British talent pool, perhaps we'll see Daniel Craig or Simon Pegg show up. Or how about Clive Owen? The dude starred in that Ritchie-directed BMW short film; maybe he'll be down for a little smash and grab action? However, the fact that Dark Castle Entertainment is producing doesn't exactly sit right with me. Should I even go near the last seven films they churned out? Let's see, amongst that lot we have gems like Return to House on Haunted Hill, The Reaping, House of Wax and Ghost Ship. Now I know why it's called Dark Castle -- that's the place Joel Silver dumps all the crappy films no one wants to go near.

Despite the fact that not a single person (I heard even Madonna thought it was crap) will confess to liking his more recent gangster flick, Revolver, Guy Ritchie is still getting jobs based on the success of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch (Yeah I know -- I forget they were two different movies, too.). This time, his employer is Columbia Pictures, which has hired Ritchie to rewrite and direct a movie called Static. One guess what it's about: Yes, more gangsters for Guy.

The central figure in Static is a gangster who has been unjustly imprisoned, and is on his way to testify against the bad cops that put him away. Problematically, there are a lot of other bad cops and rival gangsters trying to keep him from doing so. Thus, it's up to the poor, misunderstood gangster and his "loyal posse" to get to the courthouse on their own. So, basically, it's 16 Blocks, except with a posse instead of Bruce Willis, and without Mos Def. Super.

Static has been on the books at Original Film (a Sony-based company that is supervising the film) for years, and has been set up in the past with both Stephen Kay and Chris Robinson (not the Black Crowe, the guy who made ATL) at the helm.

Now that it's obvious British filmmaker Guy Ritchie can't keep remaking Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels forever, and it is clear he can't do anything else (or, at least, not remakes of Italian films, anyway), what is the poor Mr. Madonna to do? Well, he could probably live off his wife, for one. Or, he can make a documentary about his favorite pop religion, Kabbalah. Last weekend he was at a service at the New York Kabbalah Centre telling people of his plans for this doc, which will include the parallels between Kabbalah and Freemasonry, which were written about in the 1871 book Morals and Dogma, by Albert Pike.

As far as paying tribute to one's religious roots goes, Ritchie should take note of John Travolta's travesty, Battlefield Earth. Sure, that movie wasn't about Scientology, but it didn't help the public perception of L. Ron Hubbard, or the religion he founded. You might argue that Mel Gibson did more than okay with his religious pet project, The Passion of the Christ, but then Christianity has a much greater following than Kabbalah. I just don't have much faith in Ritchie's documentarian skills to think this film will do much good for the Centre. Though it shouldn't be any worse than Britney Spears' bandwagon membership giving Kabbalah embarrassing exposure throughout last year, either.