If the rumors circulating yesterday about a third Speed movie were true, the glut of Hollywood product would surely have reached a breaking point. It's not that another sequel to this maligned action franchise would necessarily suck. Almost a year ago, Dennis Hopper hinted that he might have some sort of role in an upcoming Speed movie, an appearance that could single-handedly elevate the thing to realm of brilliant camp (it would make a fine relative of Leprechaun 4: In Space). There's a distinction worth making, however, between camp and crap ... and a Speed movie set in space probably falls into the latter category. That's exactly what this placeholder suggests, offering the image of a troubled Sandra Bullock peering out the window of a rocketship above the guffaw-worthy title Speed: Ignition. Right.

Slashfilm did some homework and figured out that the site is a fake, which is a relief--because no studio would be crazy enough to back such a bad idea--but also, in a backwards sort of way, a bit of a letdown. Imagine what a brilliant catastrophe this thing could be. A rocky voyage to the stars where the only means of survival is lightspeed ahead! Keanu Reeves didn't bother showing up for Speed 2: Cruise Control, and you can imagine that he'd bail on this one, too. Somebody get Han Solo on the line.

When you're reading an interview with Dennis Hopper, you expect him to admit things like the following: that he once sold a priceless Lichtenstein painting for a thousand bucks, attended an orgy with Natalie Wood, and used to drink "half a gallon of rum and 30 beers a day." We're talking about Dennis Hopper, here. In order to surprise us, he's going to have to do a lot better than that -- and so he has. During an interesting interview with the Guardian that went up yesterday, Hopper held forth with some super-cryptic mumblings about his possible appearance in Speed 3 (!)

To back up a bit, it's the inteviewer who first brings up the topic, claiming to have some insider knowledge about it. He tells us, the reader, that the film is "due to include" a performance by Hopper, and that it's his intention to ask Hopper "plenty of questions" about it. I certainly hope so. When he finally gets around to it, however, the only thing Hopper will say is this: "It's a river of shit from which I have tried to extract some gold." Huh? The Speed series is a river of shit? The process of resurrecting your character for a third film when he clearly died in the first film is a river of shit? What are you talking about, druggy?

I personally think what we have here is an over-zealous reporter trying to make some news where none exists. Speed 2 more or less bombed at the box-office, when you consider its sizeable budget and the expectations that everyone had from the previous film. I've certainly heard nothing about a Speed 3, and as far as I know, no one is even thinking about it. So unless the movie is currently being filmed in complete secrecy under the title All About Steve (or Cloverfield), I think we can disregard this.