terrible Tagged Articles at Cinematical

Know what's fun? When a production company tries to sell its film by reminding us of its unstoppable awfulness. It' doesn't happen all that often, but yesterday I received an email from the production company behind a new action flm called Royal Kill -- and the email was basically a miniature press release about a powerfully negative Washington Post review of Royal Kill. (The film was shot in D.C., which probably explains why it opened -- and got reviewed -- there).

I'll include the rest of the awesome press release after the jump, but here's the gist: According to the IMDb, Royal Kill packs a cast list that includes Eric Roberts, "Lalaine," Wrestlemania's Gail Kim, and the late Pat Morita as "exhibition manager." Apparently it's just a really rotten low-budget action flick, and Dan Zak's Post review certainly doesn't inspire a lot of interest, but to get a publicity release that's sort of proud of the critical bashing? Now that's weird. But hey, whatever helps you land a home video deal, right? After the jump, take note of how the hard-working publicist tries to assert that "bad movie" automatically qualifies you for Ed Wood-style cult status. Ha.

Punishment gluttons, here's the Royal Kill website!

When the fine folks at Taurus Entertainment decided to somehow "acquire" the rights to established movie titles like "Day of the Dead" and "Creepshow," they probably assumed they'd stumbled across a pretty profitable little avenue. Heck, by releasing in-name-only sequels like Day of the Dead 2: Contagium and Creepshow 3, they were pretty much guaranteed some sort of cash infusion, if only because we hardcore horror fans are a very loyal, very optimistic and very curious lot. So what did the Taurus people do with their newfound properties? They produced two of the cheapest, chintziest, stupidest and most shamelessly inept sequels you could possibly imagine. Nice way to invest in a name brand and then demolish it, guys.

Talentless husband-and-wife writing / directing / producing team Ana Clavell and Jim Dudelson are the ones responsible for this wretched dreck, and I'm their worst nightmare: A guy who knows his horror, adores the original Creepshow (and the fantastic opening story of the 1987 sequel), and has access to a pretty well-visited soapbox. I'll get into the specifics in a minute, but here's the bottom line: Do not, under any circumstances, rent, purchase or view this movie. Anything that throws another nickel into the Taurus piggy bank is just another step towards another movie as worthless as Creepshow 3, and if this company's last two productions have proven anything (beyond a shadow of a doubt), it's that Taurus is more interested in stealing your fifteen bucks than they are in producing something the horror fans might actually enjoy. This is a stunningly low-rent and aggressively boring piece of crap, basically, and the thing doesn't even have the decency to be "so bad its good." (And these guys are actually trying to get a Creepshow "remake" off the ground, which makes no freaking sense at all.)