I'll spare you all the superlatives and geek-tastic enthusiasm. If you've got half a working brain then you're already well aware of how respected, admired, intelligent, entertaining and just plain awesome Ridley Scott's Blade Runner is. (Either that or you haven't seen it yet, in which case I envy you a whole lot.) We've been reading about an alleged "mega supreme" DVD edition for what feels like a thousand years ... but now we have a release date. Two, actually! And lucky you if you happen to live in New York or Los Angeles!

October 5 is when Mr. Scott's Blade Runner: The Final Cut will hit a few theaters in New York and L.A. The rest of us will have to wait until December 18, which is when Warner Bros. Home Video aims to release three separate editions of the movie's long-awaited "definitive" cut. Here's the platter breakdown:

1. The two-disc Special Edition, which will probably run you about 18 bucks.

2. The four-disc Collector's Edition, which has two more discs and therefore a lot more stuff.

3. The five-disc Ultimate Collector's Edition, which will contain all of the above plus a fifth disc AND some "Deckard Briefcase" packaging. More those hardcore sci-fi mega-nerds out there. (Hiya fellas. See you at Best Buy.)

Regarding the new version of the film, it's been remastered, rescored, and all kinds of rejiggered -- hopefully for the best. (Long-running complaints about voice-over narration and origami aside, It's not like the last version was really "lacking," now was it?) New scenes and dialog have been added; effects have been polished; you name it. Extras-wise, sheesh. Where to begin? Audio commentaries, a 3.5 (!) hour retrospective documentary and (deep breath) "hours of enhanced content containing featurettes and galleries devoted to over 45 minutes of deleted and alternate scenes recently discovered in deep storage and approved by Ridley Scott, visual effects as well as background on author Philip K. Dick, script development, abandoned sequences, conceptual design, overall impact of the film and how it lead to the birth of cyberpunk. Trailers, TV spots and promotional featurettes will also be included." Whew!

You gotta be kidding me. I'm writing to Santa right this second. And I'm Jewish. (Check out our previous Blade Runner ravings here, here and here.)

When it comes to horror on DVD, we start with outfits like Lionsgate and Anchor Bay, and since I spend a good deal of time saying very nice things about (most of) LG's horror output, now's the time to celebrate a milestone for Anchor Bay: No, not another re-issue of Halloween or Army of Darkness ... They've picked a flick for their very first* theatrical rollout! That Hatchet movie! (And let's give it up for the festival-fave horror indies; both Hatchet AND Behind the Mask will be earning theatrical releases early next year, which is a testament to the quality of both flicks; movies like these -- good, bad or awful -- generally get remanded straight to the video stores.)

Yes, it's Adam Green's Hatchet that (according to a recent press release) will hit theaters next April, a film that's played a whole bunch of festivals and gave me a very entertaining 90 minutes when it screened at last September's Fantastic Fest. Chock-full of old-school horror staples (Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, Tony Todd, etc.), a sly sense of humor and more than a few ferocious flurries of gore, Hatchet is precisely the sort of horror flick that'll please anyone who grew up on the earliest exploits of Freddy, Jason and Mikey.

Check back in a few weeks for our interview with Gory Adam Green; you won't believe what his next project is.

*I could be wrong on this. Anyone out there know if Anchor Bay went theatrical on something before Hatchet?

OK, I know I promised that the last one was the final Feast update, but when a gory horror movie that was the subject of a reality show plans a midnight-only limited release three weeks before its DVD date ... all bets are off, I guess. And it's a pretty good thing for us that Fangoria has taken such a virulent interest in Feast, becase that's where I've been getting all my info. (And lately there's been a whole bunch.)

First off, the all-new official Feast website has a list of theaters in which the flick will be playing on September 22nd. We're assured that more theaters will be announced soon, which is good because as far as I know, there is not presently (nor has there ever been) a movie theater in Philadelphia called "Creative Garden." (C'mon, we're the fifth largest city in the country; give us an AMC screening!) If your city isn't on the midnight screening list, fear not. You'll be able to get a copy of the DVD on October 17th. And those who are still unsure if Feast is their kind of flick will undoubtedly want to take a peek at this brand-new trailer, which is hosted at (you guessed it) Fangoria.com.

And I hate to sound like a grump, but I'd like to address a statement made by Feast director John Gulager. He's quoted as saying that "I feel that fans must support R-rated horror films. If people don't turn out, well, every picture will be rated PG-13." John, I couldn't agree more, but before an audience can support an R-rated horror film, the flick's own distributor has to do it first. And a fistful of midnight screenings scheduled for three weeks prior to a DVD release isn't helping matters a whole heck of a lot. Plus, go ask Lionsgate if R-rated horror is becoming extinct. I predict they'd chuckle.

The trailer's pretty darn cool though!

Last time we checked in on Richard Kelly's Southland Tales, Sony Pictures had acquired all American theatrical and home video distribution rights, while Kelly was heading back into the editing room to try and trim the film's 3-hour running time, amongst other things.

At that time, Kelly was apparently re-editing the film "on his own terms" after critics at Cannes bashed the poor thing to pieces. Well, now Kelly is speaking out -- and he's pissed. According to Female First via Hotdog Magazine, the Donnie Darko (which, while we're on the subject, I absolutely hated) director is upset that distributors want to cut one hour of footage from Southland Tales before releasing it. Says Kelly, "Maybe it will [be released], but potentially it could be shown with almost an hour of it missing. I don't quite know what that film is. It was intended to be this epic LA story. I just don't know if I have the energy anymore." Will it hit theaters? Will it go straight to DVD? Will Kelly realize that audiences may not be down for an epic 3-hour LA story? The saga continues ...

[via Dark Horizons]

UPDATE: Apparently, the above quote from Kelly was old and taken out of context. According to the director himself via a recent announcement on his MySpace page, "As many of you know, the film has been bought by Sony and I have been finishing A SHORTER cut of Southland Tales under their supervision. It has been a great experience and I feel like the film is now in better shape than ever. The film will absolutely be released in theaters, and Sony is still deciding on an appropriate release date and strategy."

[Thanks Fred]