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When is a Terror Train remake NOT a Terror Train remake? When it's a movie called Train, which kinda began as a Terror Train remake, but definitely isn't anymore. And we know this for sure because someone out there is very interested in making an actual Terror Train remake.

Will all this going on, you might actually be duped into believing that Roger Spottiswoode's Terror Train somehow demands a remake -- when in fact it's just another slasher flick that Jamie Lee Curtis did right after Halloween because that's all she was being offered at the time. Aside from the fact that the flick features unlikely co-stars like Hart Bochner, Ben Johnson and David Copperfield (as "Ken the Magician"), there's not much to distinguish Terror Train from, say, Killer Car, Eerie Elevator, or Satanic Scooter. OK, so I just made those up.

Here's how the two new trains break down, as Shock sees it: Turns out that Train (which stars Thora Birch and still yearns for an American distributor) is more like "Hostel on rails," whereas a totally new project (being spearheaded by producer Phil Goldfine) aims to be a "true" remake of Terror Train. As if that actually matters because nobody except the hardcore horror fans even REMEMBER Terror Train and I certainly didn't hear any of them clamoring for a remake. But Mr. Goldfine's previous credits include sequels like The Art of War 2, The Lost Boys 2, and The Dukes of Hazzard 2 -- so switching over to those types of remakes shouldn't be all that difficult.

If there's one movie descriptive that can actually get my jaded heart racing, it's "in the style of L.A. Confidential." Sure, it's glib, and probably sells the potential film and its source material short, but I can't help it, it's a magical phrase. And The Hollywood Reporter (by way of Lakeshore Entertainment) used it to describe Barry Levinson's latest movie.

Levinson is set to direct an adaptation of Peter Dexter's novel Train, a story set in 1950's Southern California. It centers around Miller Packard, a white sergeant in the San Diego Police Department, who has little time for the hypocrisy and racism of his age. An avid golfer, he befriends a troubled young African-American caddy named Lionel "Train" Walk, who harbors knowledge of an unreported murder that haunts his past. The city politics and racism of the 50's surround the murder investigation, and threaten their friendship.

Dexter's books have been popular in Hollywood recently -- he was the pen behind Mulholland Falls and The Paperboy is currently in production with Paul Verhoven and Jan de Bont. Unlike with Falls, he won't be penning the script this time around. That job falls to Allison Burnett, who's a pretty popular writer at Lakeshore, adapting Fame and penning Untraceable for them.

Hopefully, a Cinematical reader or two can chime in on the book. From its reviews, the source material sounds pretty enticing. Here's hoping this can not only be a comeback for Levinson, but a noir rival for L.A. Confidential.

We love to do the whole "embed" thing where YouTube trailers are concerned, but since this promo clip for the upcoming horror flick Train has some harsh violence, sweaty sexuality, and two or four bare boobies, we'll just share the link -- and then offer a silly reminder that this trailer is not, as they say, work-safe. (Unless you make horror movies for a living, in which case I'd say this clip is perfectly appropriate. Invite your boss into your office to watch it.)

When we last discussed this project, we were hearing from writer/director Gideon Raff that the flick is technically not a remake of Terror Train, but just a horror flick with a pretty similar plot. I could care less, frankly, if it's a remake or not, but I can say that I'm slightly impressed with the ferocity found in the trailer. Basically it looks like Hostel on a creepy old train, and I do believe that could make for a fairly diverting way to spend 91 minutes. (Or the flick could suck raw eggs, but your recent remake alternatives include Prom Night, April Fools Day and Shutter, so maybe this one looks half-decent by default.)

The Millennium / Nu Image item stars Thora Birch, Gideon Emery and Derek Magyar. No word yet on who'll be distributing the flick, but we'll let you know new stuff when we know new stuff.

When is an upcoming horror remake NOT a remake? Well, when the director says it's not, I suppose. That's what filmmaker Gideon Raff told STYD.com about his upcoming re-adaptation of Roger Spottiswoode's 1980 slasher flick Terror Train. Yes, the one that starred Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Hart Bochner and ... David Copperfield. According to Raff, it's not a remake at all, and the project is so much NOT a remake that they've jettisoned the word "terror" from the title! Currently shooting in Bulgaria, the Nu Image production is now called simply Train -- although I'd be careful not to mistake the flick for the impending Clive Barker adaptation Midnight Meat Train -- just because it's really irritating when you get two movies jumbled up in your head. Believe me, I know.

Apparently this particular remake "nothing to do with the original. I'm a big fan of that film, but this is not a remake, it's an original screenplay. It's about a group of American athletes competing in Eastern Europe and they're supposed to get on a train to continue the competition. And our group of people miss the train 'cause they went partying the night before. They get on a different train to catch up with their teammates and horror ensues." That's what Mr. Raff told Shock, anyway. Which leads me to what I consider a fairly logical question: Why is everyone calling this a remake? I'm not convinced that freakin' Terrror Train is so well-remembered that it'll bring in the fringe fans like Rob Zombie's Halloween revisit probably will.

Anyway, production on "Train Minus the Terror" is winding down -- although with Thora Birch in the lead it might take the flick a year or two to find distribution. Nothing against the lovely Ms. Birch, but her track record with horror flicks isn't exactly sterling. (Both The Hole and Dark Corners were watchable enough, but they also took forever to find a (small) audience here in the States.) Hopefully Mr. Raff's deviations from the source material can make for an enjoyable little horror movie. It's not like Terror Train is some holy relic of a horror flick, anyway. (Check out our previous reports on this project here and here.)

I'd just like to take a second to mourn what I thought would be a great career for Thora Birch. She went from a number of "eh" roles to a really breakout performance in American Beauty. A few years later, she starred in the ultra-quirky and likable Ghost World, which nabbed her a Golden Globe nod, and a chilling stint in the thriller The Hole with Keira Knightley. Sure, she had a bit part in Silver City, which was far from horror, but beyond that, it's like she made a pact with the devil to give up the non-ghoulish, non-dark cinema.

The latest in her ever-growing list -- she's signed on to star in Train, the remake of Terror Train, filling in the shoes of the ultimate Scream Queen, Jamie Lee Curtis. (Scott Weinberg first posted about the film back in April.) While that doesn't mean all hope is lost, since Curtis has some great films once she stopped screaming (although has tanked recently), it's not giving me much hope for the Birch future. It's too bad, especially considering all the crappy 20-something actresses who usually haunt the roles for young women.

The Bulgarian site that brings this news also has word on another film gearing up to shoot in the country -- Shark in Venice. Directed by Danny Lerner, the movie will star the born-again Stephen Baldwin and Vanessa Johansson, Scarlett's older sis. She's getting a heck of a resume lately -- she's got one film completed, and two others in post-production. Will she get as big as her little sister?

[via HorrorMovies.ca]