When it comes down to it, Brett Ratner might not be the most hated man in the movie business -- but he's definitely in the top five. In a profile for Ad Age, the director sat down to talk about Brett Ratner Brands, his new consultancy business. But things get interesting right at the end of the article when the journalist dropped the bomb that Ratner might be working on a big-screen version of the best-selling video game, God of War.

For those of you who haven't played it (and I really recommend you do), here is a quick primer: God of War centers on Kratos, a celebrated soldier who is haunted by his past transgressions and his debt to the Gods of Olympus. It could have just been your typical hack and slash game, but the cinematic approach and highly entertaining story line earned it a reputation as one of the best around.

Talk of a feature film surfaced back in 2005, and Universal was the studio named to produce. According to recent reports, the script has already been finished and casting has begun to heat up (some recent buzz has Djimon Hounsou in consideration for the lead). But then fans the world over had to deal with the unpleasant news that Uwe Boll was being considered to direct -- luckily, this never came to be. So I guess Ratner could be considered a step in the right direction. Then again, if you had the misfortune of seeing Rush Hour 3, you would probably disagree.

[via Film Junk]

I hesitated before writing this post. There's been quite a bit of Uwe Boll on this blog lately, and I share the opinion that Boll-haters have inflated the man's importance out of all proportion. Had this been a story about Boll adapting another stupid video game, I'd have let it alone, but it's at least interesting in a howling, head-clutching sort of way.

Boll is moving away from his stock-in-trade to make two films for a more limited audience. (I snickered a little as I typed that last part.) The first, called Stoic, has already wrapped and is about a 2006 incident in which three German inmates, incarcerated for minor offenses, raped and tortured a cellmate for 10 hours before inducing him to commit suicide. The film stars Edward Furlong, Sam Levinson, and Shaun Sipos, the latter of whom has a scene in which he licks his own vomit off the ground. Boll, speaking like a proud father, explains that "[w]hen the actor licks his puke off the ground, he will be seen eating it for a minute, not just a little bit." The puke Sipos consmes will be fake, but the actor did, apparently, eat a real tube of toothpaste. Though Boll hopes the film will squeak through with an R rating "for [its] social commentary," he suspects it might merit an NC-17 and have to be released unrated.

(We're re-posting our Postal review from Fantastic Fest in conjunction with the film's theatrical release this weekend.)

There's been a little pre-release buzz on this Postal flick, most of which seems to focus on the assertion that it's either A) Uwe Boll's best film yet, or B) Uwe Boll's first good movie. Well, considering that we're talking about the guy who directed House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne, "best film yet" doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot. And as far as Uwe's "first good movie" is concerned, well, I suppose we'll have to keep on waiting for that one to show up. The only difference between Postal and Boll's other films is that this one tries to be funny on purpose (and fails), whereas the other three try to be serious while delivering huge laughs.

Based on the popular video game, Postal is about a generic schlub who gradually loses his cool and eventually explodes into a violent lunatic. Imagine the Michael Douglas film Falling Down, only the screenplay was done with finger-paints, and that's pretty much what Postal is "about." There's a whole lot of mirthless wheel-spinning that focuses on stolen dolls, goofy terrorists and freaky cults, but nothing that really assumes the mantle of "central plot." Aside from one good gag in the opening scene, a creatively bizarre closing shot, one strong performance and a (very) small collection of slightly amusing (gross-out or shock value) gags, Postal is every bit as awful as Mr. Boll's earlier output.

Uwe Boll's latest "masterpiece" Postal was scheduled to open next weekend in 1500 theaters, deliberately going up against Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. But, according to a story at Cinema Blend, Boll's people issued a release this morning claiming that U.S. distributors have dropped the film and that it will only be released on four screens. An additional source says the film will open in five cities: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Denver and Tucson. Boll claims that he has even tried to rent additional screens, but to no avail.

Typically, the outspoken, outrageous director is calling it a conspiracy, the latest example of everyone being out to get him. He also says, "Theatrical distributors are boycotting 'Postal' because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they're afraid."

Frankly, that's highly unlikely, just as it's unlikely that the film is being canceled because it's bad. The most likely reason is that none of Boll's films have ever turned a profit, unlike films by bad directors like Michael Bay, Eli Roth and Brett Ratner, who are moneymaking machines, despite their ineptitude. Postal stars Zack Ward as "Dude," who teams up with his cult leader uncle (Dave Foley) to heist an amusement park. Unfortunately, the Taliban(!) has the same idea at the same time. Of course, George W. Bush (Brent Mendenhall) and Osama bin Laden (Larry Thomas) also appear. Like Boll's other films, it's based on a video game.

Not for nothing, but this could be the oddest piece of movie marketing I've ever seen. So we already know there's a petition out there to stop Uwe Boll from making films, and this came about after the infamous director told FEARNet that he'd quit making films if one million people signed a petition. For about a week or so, a number of people tried to capitalize off the dude's ridiculous antics, and Boll even viewed the whole thing as pretty good (and free) press since his new film Postal was debuting on May 23.

Cut to today: Cinematical received a press release in our inbox letting us know that Stride Gum is now "supporting the efforts of StopUweBoll.org in their attempt to convince famed film director Uwe Boll to stop making video game-based films." Oh yes, Stride Gum. Makers of ... gum. And if one million people sign this petition by May 23rd (opening day for Postal), then all one million folks will receive a digital coupon for a free pack of gum. Wait, I don't know if you were paying attention just then -- I said a FREE PACK OF GUM!

Seems odd that this promotion would coincide with the opening day of Boll's latest film, which, honestly, leads me to believe that Stride Gum is helping to promote Postal by supporting a petition calling for that film's director to quit the industry. I've seen filmmakers do some weird things before (including Uwe Boll), but this has to take the cake. Yeah, so sign the petition and look out for that free pack of gum.

(And don't thank us ... we're just doing our job.)

I think it's time for the Energizer Bunny to be retired so that Uwe Boll can take over. Man, that guy never, ever stops. I wonder if he exhausts himself just getting worked up about everything, rather than just plain working. Last month, he goaded anti-Boll legions together in an anti-Uwe petition. On the heels of that news, Erik posted that Boll was ranting up a storm again, calling Michael Bay a "f**king retard," and complaining about Eli Roth's movies.

But anger, vehemence, and drama are never done for Boll. Now The Hollywood Reporter posts that he has sued Billy Zane in Los Angeles Superior Court. No, not the Zane! How could anyone hate Zane? Uwe Boll. That's who.

Boll claims that he's owed around $700,000 in revenue from his big floppity flop Bloodrayne. He says that Zane suggested Romar Entertainment handle distribution, he promised the film would open in 2,000 theaters, and that a $10 mil advance from Boll would be used to promote the flick. He goes on to say that almost a million bucks was paid to Zane and Romar's James Schramm, and the movie opened in only 950 theaters. Perhaps this doesn't have to do with a Zane scheme, but the fact that after a budget of $25 mil, it only brought in about $4 mil worldwide.

You can take 'im Zane! Now that would be a good showdown -- Zane and Boll in the ring!

Ooo-wee, that Uwe makes good copy. Happily, those who have responded to the petition to get Uwe Boll to step away from the camera now have more than one force of opposition: a second petition to keep Dr. Uwe in his current line of work. Cinematical's Erik Davis caught the beleaguered Boll's plea for support on April 9, and yet another fan has responded: Lauren Brenner of Greyface Media is the sponsor behind this noble petition: "after all, he's better than that hack Scorsese." Boll couldn't have said it better. (In case you were wondering, the first pro-Boll petition is here, and so far there are almost 4,000 signatures.)

Oh wait, he did: he's not a bleeping retard like Michael Bay, and he isn't making the same bleeping movie again and again like Eli Roth, as the good doctor was saying ... So far, four cineastes have signed this (hopefully 100% on-the-level) petition. Now, are these four names going to count against the 194,000 so far who who have signed the Stop Dr. Uwe Boll Petition? I know those looking for a 2009 release of In the King's Name Again, Already will want to add their email addresses in hopes of being solicited by hapless Nigerian ex-ministers of finance and providers of natural sex herbs. Thanks to Glenn Creamer for this tip.

Which side are you on: Pro Boll or anti Boll?

You might remember how the other day Cinematical and FEARnet writer Scott Weinberg clued us all in to an interview FEARnet conducted with the infamous director Uwe Boll. Shortly after our post hit, it quickly made its way all over the web -- with thousands upon thousands of people signing a petition to stop Boll from making anymore movies. See, in the interview he said he'd stop if the petition was signed by one million people. Not sure if he knew this at the time, but the internet loves a challenge.

Well, now, Boll has put out a video asking fans to start up a pro-Boll petition. Oh yes, and he wants one million folks to sign that as well. I love this guy -- hearing him, he sounds like the bizarro Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why does he want you to sign a pro-Boll petition? Well, because -- and I quote -- he's "not a f**king retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business ... or Eli Roth making the same sh**ty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies, you will see my real genius."

He's definitely a unique individual -- I'll give him that. Then again, this could be wonderful promotion for his next film Postal, which comes out in May. Hmmm ... maybe Boll is a genius. Check out his scathing video message after the jump (and, yes, it's probably NSFW).

[Thanks Anthony]

Seems like Dr. Uwe Boll has been navigating the globe for about seven months with his Postal / Seed double feature tucked under his arm. He pops up at various festivals and conventions, shows off his new masterworks, and then hops a plane to another continent. And he does lots of interviews, most of which are pretty damn amusing. The latest Q&A with the king of krapola appears on FEARnet, and it's there you'll find some solid questions about animal abuse, Nazi humor, and all those crazy German tax shelters.

But the best part of the interview comes near the end. It goes a little lot something like this:

"FEARnet: Are you aware that there is a petition online, signed by 18,000 people, requesting that you stop making movies?
Boll: Yeah, I know that. 18,000 is not enough to convince me.
FN: How many would it take?
Boll: One million. Now we have a new goal."

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Uwe Boll has thrown down the gauntlet. If we can get another 980,000 signatures on THIS PETITION, then we will have done our part for the advancement of global cinematic culture. No more BloodRaynes or Houses of the Dead or Dungeon Sieges. If this isn't a worthy cause, I really don't know what is. Maybe if we get two million signatures we can get the guy's retirement to include the "producer" title. Don't wait to sign the thing: Boll already has Tunnel Rats, Far Cry, Zombie Massacre and BloodRayne 3 in production.

Postal hits limited release in late May, and (according to Dread Central) Vivendi Home Entertainment will unleash the Seed DVD in September.

What's worse: delusions of grandeur or delusions of adequacy? In an e-mail release designed to make you ponder that very question, shared by the horror and exploitation mavens at Bloody Disgusting, Uwe Boll (the videogame-adapting, one-man mediocrity machine who's never met a stunt he didn't love) has announced that his latest opus, Postal (reviewed here by our own Scott Weinberg) will be opening May 23rd. That puts it head-to-head with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Bloody Disgusting reprinted excerpts from Boll's e-mail, which are as incoherent as they are enthusiastic. Boll first offers that "On the Indiana Jones weekend -- May 23 -- we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up."

Boll then offers a trenchant critique of Spielberg's recent efforts: "Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the f**k the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!" Finally: A writer-director-showman we can come together around ... and hate even more than Troma's Lloyd Kaufman. There's not a snowball's chance Postal will beat Crystal Skull, of course ... but is there even a dim chance that his counter-programming strategy will draw hipster audiences eager to avoid Indy's lines of doom?