You guys are growing up so fast, I hardly recognize you anymore!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Before the Griswolds head out on yet another vacation, Clark speaks these words to his children, a sly (for this movie, anyway) jab at the fact that the Griswold kids have been played by four different sets of actors in four different films. He might as well have been speaking for the series itself. Watching this movie again for the first time since its theatrical release, I hardly recognize Vegas Vacation as a Vacation film. If European Vacation was a disappointment, Vegas Vacation is a crying shame -- a sad, laughless cash-in devoid of wit, charm, and signs that anyone is doing anything more than grabbing a paycheck. It's the kind of bad that casts a negative light on the good Vacation films that came before. In short, it sucks.

I still remember the day I went to see Vegas Vacation. At this time I had seen the trilogy (particularly the first and third entries) countless times, but Vegas would be the first I saw in a theater. I am not ashamed to say I was excited. Within about five minutes, I was slumped in my seat and was checking my watch. Why do the makers of movie franchises do this? If you've got a beloved property on your hands, why not put a little care into making each installment work? Just a little! It's not like they didn't have time; Vegas Vacation was released eight years after Christmas. Why sign off on such a lazy, unfunny script?

Note: Summer is coming to a close, and I don't have the budget to do much traveling. So I decided to take some Vacation time with the Griswolds instead. All this week and next, I'll be reviewing the Vacation movies, one of the most loved (and uneven) comedy franchises in modern film.

I think you're all f**ked in the head. We're ten hours from the f**king fun park and you want to bail out? Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f**king fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're a**holes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy S**t!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Clark Griswold is my father circa 1988. The glasses. The Izod shirt. The too-short shorts. The unrelenting and misguided enthusiasm for all things family. The barely concealed rage. It's all there. What makes National Lampoon's Vacation work so well, all these years later, is that everyone thinks Clark is based on his or her father. Some of the funniest comedy comes from recognition, and this movie is almost like watching home movies from my youth. Except for the dead aunt on the roof of the car, but we'll get to that in a moment.

They assembled a real dream team for this movie, three giants of comedy at their primes. Behind the camera, you've got Harold Ramis, fresh off his directorial debut (Caddyshack -- not a bad start!). He clearly came to play here, and I'd imagine he had something to do with keeping Chevy Chase's tendency to overact in check. The script was written and based on a short story (click here to read it!) by John Hughes, unquestionably the finest film comedy writer of the 1980s. Disagree with me? Take a look at this list of Hughes scripts produced from 1983 to 1990: Mr. Mom, Vacation, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Some Kind of Wonderful, Planes Trains and Automobiles, She's Having A Baby, Uncle Buck, Christmas Vacation, and Home Alone. The man was a god.

One of the most sought-after actresses in Hollywood has decided that she's ready to start spending more time with the family. Angelina Jolie told reporters in Cannes that she will take a year off following two months of work later this summer. I believe the exact quote was: "I take two months off, then I work for two months. Then I take a year off." Ah, but that only gives the paparazzi more time to catch Jolie in mama mode: "Look, there she is with Brad in the garden! And there she is playing jump-rope in the middle of some remote jungle!" While the folks from People Magazine look forward to capturing those ever-so-precious Jolie-Pitt moments, the rest of us now wonder which film(s), exactly, she'll be working on prior to taking that break.

Taking a quick look at the woman's upcoming film slate, it appears the work she's doing now is for the action flick Wanted. After that, she has both The Changeling (for Clint Eastwood) and Atlas Shrugged on her plate. Is two months enough time to shoot multiple films? Is Atlas Shrugged far enough along that they'll be ready to shoot in two months? Last I checked, the film hired a writer (Randall Wallace), but didn't even have a director. Chances are Atlas Shrugged is being, well, shrugged off for the time being. As far as hubby Brad goes, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions -- the guy is currently in pre-production on three films (Burn After Reading, Dirty Tricks, State of Play), with two more to follow after that. Thus, Angelina's "year off" might find her traveling to a number of different movie sets while Brad brings home the bacon. So much for Tomb Raider 3, huh?

Now that National Lampoon has set up their own in-house shop, the first thing on the agenda is to begin setting up a few projects that a) are actually funny, b) are worth the price of admission and c) will help revive their reputation. They just recently partnered with the Farrelly brothers on a comedy called Bag Boy and, as Variety reports, have announced the first of four projects based solely on National Lampoon properties that the company will co-develop with Half Shell Entertainment.

See, the main problem with National Lampoon lately is that, instead of developing projects themselves, they've been simply lending out their name in order to bring a little familiarity to a film and help boost its box office numbers. However, they now want to control the show and have begun digging through the archives of their now defunct magazine to find something -- anything, really. Seeing as I've been tough on National Lampoon lately (c'mon, Pledge This -- are they serious?), I'll be the first to say that I absolutely love the idea behind their newest project, The Last Night in October. Yes, it's Halloween-related. And yes, it sounds hysterical.

Described as a "Dazed and Confused-style ensemble piece" (I like it already), pic revolves around a town which declares war on Halloween after a thumbtack is found in a piece of candy. Oh, and it takes place in 1986. We're not sure if they intended it to take place in 1986 or if that was simply the year this particular story showed up in their magazine. Either way, it could be hilarious -- I'd love to see National Lampoon bring back a little dark humor. The original Vacation was packed with risky jokes (Clark ties dead grandma down to the roof of his wagon??), and so if they can unearth some more of that -- without Paris Hilton's involvement -- then I will officially be the first one in line for a ticket. You?

When word of a Richard Petty bio-pic (to be written by Chris Cleveland and Bettina Gilois, the pair behind the soon to be released Glory Road) first came out over a year ago, Dennis Quaid was expected to both produce and star in the untitled film. Now, however, it's big bro Randy who is reported to be playing the legendary NASCAR driver.

While it's a bit odd that someone thinks the two look enough alike to both be able to play the same real-life figure, it's always good to hear that the older Quaid is getting a starring role. Though he's (quite reasonably) known by most of us primarily as Clark Griswold's over-the-top, dickey-wearing cousin, Quaid is actually a quiet, solid presence in most of his best roles; it's nice to see this confidence in him. Well, it's either confidence, or someone just decided that he'd been away from cars too long (Days of Thunder was more than 15 years ago, after all) and decided to throw him a bone.

It's gonna be a while before this one starts shooting - who knows, maybe there's another Quaid we don't know about who can take over the role next.